


Destined To Be (Awkward) Together!

by cosmicwriter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, I know it sounds sad, M/M, POV Third Person, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU, but I promise there's only a little bit of angst, but from Ushijima's third person point of view if that makes sense, disabled main character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-17 07:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 42,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14827805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicwriter/pseuds/cosmicwriter
Summary: In which Ushijima and Hinata are soulmates, but Ushijima is the only one that knows about it.





	1. Love Is Inconvenient

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much @Scott for commissioning this from me! I had so much fun writing this!

     Ushijima Wakatoshi was 8 years old when he first learned about the Rei-Kohaku Soulmate Theory in school. At the time, Ushijima learned only three things about the theory. The first thing he learned was that every person had a soulmate. It was a phenomenon that began inexplicably 150 years ago, and although it's existence was undeniable from a scientific standpoint, scientists were at a loss as to how or why this phenomenon happened. The second thing he learned was that you knew who your soulmate was the moment you heard their voice. Those that had met their soulmates reported being overcome with a wave of every possible emotion the moment they heard their other speak; many people reported being immediately brought to tears. There were hundreds of other claims as well, some about gaining heightened senses or abilities after meeting their soulmate, others about minor illnesses being cured. One person even claimed he was no longer colorblind after meeting his soulmate. Despite the many vastly conflicting claims about the Rei-Kohaku Soulmate Theory, there was one thing that every bonded person could agree on: the moment they heard their soulmate speak, they fell in love instantly.

     When his homeroom teacher taught them this, he learned the third thing about the soulmate system: Ushijima didn’t want a soulmate. As he looked around at the excited faces of his classmates, he was baffled. Were they listing to the same words? How could anyone be excited about one day losing complete control of their own emotions? About having no say in who receives the right to control you?

     Two years later, in the 5th grade, Ushijima learned that the system had flaws. Just because everyone had a soulmate didn't mean that everyone got to meet them. Some people lived their whole lives never meeting their soulmate, and others met theirs only to be forever kept apart due to unfortunate circumstances. His classmates seemed shaken by this, a few even breaking down into tears, but Ushijima was relieved. He hoped he would never meet his soulmate, and even took to speaking less frequently in public. Over a decade passed, but his disdain for the soulmate theory only grew stronger. He didn't want a soulmate. He would _never_ want a soulmate.

     Fortunately for him, the universe didn't care about what Ushijima Wakatoshi did or did not want.

♥ ♥ ♥

     It was a Sunday afternoon in mid-spring, but no one would have been able to tell solely based off of the weather. The sky overhead was heavy with thick, gray clouds; the mid-day sun was almost completely obscured from view. A strong wind sliced through the already cold air and the fluttering sound of urban wildlife that usually rang through the park was replaced with an eerie silence. Ushijima found the weather to be ideal, because it meant that Murasaki Rozu park was completely deserted. He was able to leave his gym bag on one of the park benches knowing it would be untouched and finish his run with no distractions. When he returned to the park bench, he grabbed a hand towel from his bag and wiped his face, before settling down onto the grass to stretch. While he stretched his calves amid a completely silent park, his thoughts returned to how much he preferred the park’s current atmosphere. As captain of Japan's national volleyball team, he worked out at the park 6 days a week, and yet, eyes still followed him every time as if no one had ever seen anything like him before. Even worse, strangers would occasionally try to start conversations with him while simultaneously gawking at him.  

     Finished stretching, Ushijima stood up and took a drink from his water bottle. Looking out over the park's pond lined with colorful maple and katsura trees, he felt the rare urge to sit down and idle there for a few minutes. Instead, he glanced up at the sky.

      _No,_ he thought, looking at the swirling clouds, that were now almost black, _I should leave before it starts raining._

     Ushijima turned to put his stuff away, but suddenly something lightly tapped his right shoe. He looked down. A…volleyball? Where had it come from? Ushijima picked it up; surprised that it wasn't a standard model. Murasaki Rozu park did have a volleyball court, but it was unlikely that it would supply patrons with high quality balls. _Swif, swif, swif._ The soft sound of shoes running through long-ish grass made Ushijima look up. Someone was running down the hill to Ushijima's far right and he was headed in his direction. _This must be his,_ Ushijima thought, watching him expectantly. As he ran down the hill, Ushijima found himself struck by how fast he was moving. Even Ushijima's 20/20 vision found the guy's features a little hard to pin down as he darted closer.

     When he started to approach Ushijima he began to slow down and Ushijima was able to get a better look. The boy…or possible young adult…had messy bright orange hair that was blown in every direction as he ran, and wide light brown eyes that were narrowed in determination. Despite having a talent for reading people, Ushijima wasn't sure how old the male was, but he determined that his height was somewhere around 5'4 and that his small but muscular frame indicated athleticism. On the other hand, his puffy red cheeks paired with the boundless energy that radiated off him threw Ushijima off. His clothing choices didn't help either. He was dressed in a graphic panda t-shirt a 5-year-old might wear, paired with plain black gym shorts and what looked like expensive running shoes. Ushijima felt irritated by him already; he hated people that constantly contradicted themselves.  

     Inches away from colliding into Ushijima, the male skidded to a stop and bounced a few steps back. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again, craning his neck to see Ushijima. A very intimidated look came over his face, as if he had just noticed Ushijima for the first time. Saying nothing, Ushijima handed the volleyball back to him. Carefully, as if approaching a wild animal, he took his volleyball back and hugged it to his chest. Seemingly assured that Ushijima wasn't going to eat him, he smiled bashfully at him and bowed.

     “Sorry, I hit the ball too hard! I'll be more careful next time!” he said, in a voice that was somehow loud and low and high and nervous all at the same time. Ushijima said nothing. Flashing him a smile that was more nervous than anything else, he mumbled something that sounded like, 'okay, bye!' before turning and retreating back over the grassy slope.

     Ushijima, on the other hand, was frozen in place. He had stopped breathing. The scenery around him faded within seconds and every cell in his body started shaking. Everyone else had been wrong, it wasn't a wave of emotion that came over you. It was a dam that broke and drowned out everything else inside you. Emotions that weren't his coursed through him; he felt blistering rage directed at no one, happiness so intense it felt like insanity, and hysteria-like grief over someone he had not lost. It was hurting him. Everything rampaging inside him felt like it was destroying his organs as it went. His throat closed, his lungs burned, his eyes were open but saw nothing. Vaguely, he felt himself double over and though he couldn't feel it, it sounded like him limbs had hit the grass.

      _Swif, swif, swif. “Sorry, I hit the ball too hard! I'll be more careful next time!”_

     His soulmate's voice rang through his mind and within seconds all the pain vanished. Ushijima's eyes flashed open and he suddenly sat up. He paused for a second, expecting his body to writhe in response, but instead he felt nothing. Reaching for the arm rest of the park bench, he got up slowly, waiting for the traces of the pain from just a few seconds prior, but still, nothing. He stood still for a few seconds, catching his breath and waiting for his vision to clear. Finally, as the last of the haze left his eyes, he sank down onto the bench.

     Oh. He had a soulmate. Gripping his chest, he tried to ignore his irregular breathing. _What am I supposed to do now?_ Ushijima's jaw tightened. Since Ushijima eventually began assuming he'd never meet his soulmate, he had always paid very little attention to what people did after they had. His brow furrowed as he tried to recall the last people he knew that found their other and what did they do afterwards...Ushijima paused, realizing that those thoughts were uncharacteristic of him. Just because he had met his soulmate, why did that mean he had to do anything about it? Perhaps he could turn a blind eye, and go back to his normal life —

      “ _Sorry, I hit the ball too hard! I'll be more careful next time!”_

     His soulmate's voice echoed in his head. He shuddered, realizing that being with your other wasn't a desire. It was human instinct. Ushijima needed to see his soulmate again. Looking towards the hill he had disappeared over, Ushijima took a few steps forward before remembering the tradition associated with hearing your soulmate for the first time: the betrothal gift. Traditionally, unless both soulmates spoke at the same time, the person that heard their other's voice first would approach them with a small gift. This resulted in most people always having something small on them, varying from a personal good luck charm (to symbolize giving your heart to them), seeds for planting (to symbolize growing a new relationship together), and even rings (for obvious reasons). Despite Ushijima's father drilling the importance of tradition into him ever since he was young, he had never carried a betrothal gift with him.

     Moving on instinct, he turned back to his bag and started to rifle through it. _I was correct,_ he thought, going through a mostly empty bag, _having a soulmate is a disease. I was a rational person an hour ago._ Irritated, he flipped the entire bag over; its contents clattering onto the metal bench. _Car keys, mostly empty water bottle, half eaten granola bar, sweaty face towel._ He could give none of these things to his soulmate. Shoving everything back into his bag, he scanned the park for something else. Maybe there were wildflowers, or a completely smooth stone by the pond, or—a patch of bright yellow dandelions caught Ushijima's eye and he recalled something his mom had taught him when he was young. Abandoning his things, Ushijima went over to the patch of dandelions and found two with long stems. Then he turned back and went towards the hill his soulmate had disappeared over. As Ushijima ascended the hill, he tried to compose himself. At some point his heart had started beating at an abnormal rate and the tightness in his chest from before had returned. _You are still yourself. You are still in control_ , he thought, as he gritted his teeth and forced himself to breathe. Standing at the apex of the hill, his eyes swept over the grassy field dotted with mature maple trees. His other was about 100ft away, sitting in the grass with his back against the trunk of a tree.

     Ushijima was overcome with the intense desire to run towards him, but instead dug his heels into the ground and waited for the impulse to pass. Walking forward, he tried to focus only his physical motions. _Shoulders back. Eyes ahead. Long strides._ His body began to feel tense again. Only a few feet away from his ‘soulmate’, he felt all the blood drain out of his face. The guy from before looked like an entirely different person. All of his features were hyper-defined; as if they were painted on him with watercolors. Locks of vibrant light orange hair contrasted so violently with his pale skin that it made him seem like he was illuminated; his warm brown eyes seemed to sparkle in the light. For a split second he felt anger well up inside him—who the hell was this person to control Ushijima? But that anger vanished within half a second and all that was left was the urge to get closer to him.

     By the time Ushijima was physically standing in front of him, his heartbeat was so loud he could hear it ringing in his own ears. His other didn't seem to notice his presence at all though, as his head was buried into his phone. Ushijima suddenly dropped down onto one knee in front of him; his soulmate jerked back, startled.

      “Hello,” Ushijima stated, holding his empty hand up to calm his other.

     His other’s eyes only widened. _He must be overwhelmed after hearing my voice_ , Ushijima thought. He waited for him to calm down, holding perfectly still. After a few seconds, his other blinked rapidly.

     “Uhhm. Hi?” he said, his voice slightly breathless tone.

     Ushijima nodded, taking that as a sign that it was okay to continue. He quickly knotted the stem of one dandelion around the stem of the other and then slowly reached for his soulmate’s left hand, causing his other’s face to burn bright red. He watched Ushijima with wide eyes and an expression that clearly said, ‘I’m going to get eaten!’; Ushijima thought that his soulmate must be an incredibly timid person to still be afraid of him after experiencing their bond. Still, Ushijima continued. After twisting the stem of the conjoined dandelions around his left ring finger, he tied the stem to itself like his mother had taught him to do to form a ring. Still holding his hand, Ushijima realized he didn't know his soulmate's name yet.

      “I am Ushijima Wakatoshi. What is your name?”

     “I—I’m—,” he stammered.

     “Hinata,” a voice said in front of him.

     Ushijima looked up, and then his other, ‘Hinata’, who must not have heard the other male, followed his gaze. Glaring down at them was a male with pin straight black hair and suspicious blue eyes. Ushijima estimated that he was about 5’11 and 18-20 years old. He scowled at Ushijima. “Am I interrupting something?”

     “Yes,” he said.

      “No!” Hinata squeaked at the same time.

     “Then get your stuff, we’re leaving.”

     Hinata nodded and sat up on his knees to collect the scattered personal items lying around him.

     Something felt off to Ushijima. He knew that he was an exception, but weren't people more emotional when they met their soulmates? Or at least, weren't they anxious to spend as much time as possible with them?

      “Before you leave, give me your contact information,” Ushijima said.

     Hinata didn't look up from trying to shove his volleyball into the black backpack lying next to him. It was taking him a little longer than normal because he was holding his ring finger up, careful as to not crush the dandelions.

      Ushijima cleared his throat. “Are you—,”

     “He can't hear you.”

     Ushijima looked up. “What?”

     “He’s deaf; he reads lips. If he’s not looking at you, then he can’t “hear” you,” he said.

     Ushijima paused. Was that a pathetic attempt at humor? But the other male’s face was completely stoic. With an accumulating sense of dread, Ushijima looked at Hinata, who was completely absorbed in the task of sandwiching a jacket into his already stuffed bag, and showed no signs of hearing either of them.

     “He is unable to hear my voice?”

     “Do you not understand how being deaf works? Hinata can't hear _anything_.”

     He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Hinata zipping up his bag, swinging it over his shoulder, and jumping to his feet. He rushed over to his friend’s side like he was escaping a lion’s cage.

      “Th—thanks for the ring! Bye!” he said quickly, waving and flashing Ushijima one last nervous smile before the two of them turned and walked away.

     For the second time that afternoon, Ushijima was frozen in place. While he watched them retreat, his thoughts raced as he tried to process what was happening while also trying to figure out what he should do. Instead of doing either, he stayed knelt down on one knee motionless as Hinata disappeared from sight. Then, as if on cue, the heavy black clouds above broke and rain began to pour.


	2. Love Isn't Blind; It's Deaf

            Less than half a page. That was all that Ushijima could find online about having a deaf soulmate. The first site was YaHoo!Answers; a thread made by a deaf girl that thought a classmate of hers was her soulmate but had no way to tell. Not helpful. The second site, a community forum for deaf people and people with deaf soulmates, looked promising but the link was dead when Ushijima clicked on it. Under that was a website advertising sign language lessons, and under that was a website that might have held the answer to all of his problems, if only it wasn't in Vietnamese.

            Ushijima frowned. Was he not using the computer correctly? He was sure that were more people that had encountered this problem. The door to his roommate’s room creaked open and Ushijima shut his laptop. Moving back into the kitchen, he was ladling oyakodon into a bowl by the time Tendou was pulling out a chair at the kitchen table.

            “ 'Morning,” he yawned, while somehow still managing to maintain a twisted smile on his face.

            “Good morning,” Ushijima grunted, setting a bowl down in front of Tendou.

            Feeding Tendou was a weird habit Ushijima had formed. It started sometime last year, when Ushijima had accepted Tendou’s offer to share an apartment on the outskirts of Tokyo prefecture, since they were both on the same team but neither could afford to live closer to the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium. Soon after accepting his offer, he found out that unless someone was physically putting food in front of him, Tendou wouldn't eat anything of value. And if he didn't eat properly, he was weaker at their practices, and if he was weaker at their practices that reflected poorly on Ushijima...thus Ushijima started to cook for them both.

            Putting the left overs into Tupperware and washing his hands, Ushijima headed towards the door. “I’m going out. I will also be gone after practice. Re-heat left overs for lunch,” Ushijima said, swinging his gym bag over his shoulder.

            Tendou raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Lemme guess, for some mys~terious reason you're going to be at the park _all day long_? Again?”

            “Yeah,” he said, taking his house keys off the key holder mounted on the wall.

            “You're really not going to tell me what's going on, Ushijima-kun? Even though we're sooo close? At least give me a clue!” Tendou sang.

            Ushijima felt himself starting to get another Tendou-induced headache. “No,” he said, opening the door.

            “Cold as always, Ushiwaka,” Tendou said, giving up and eating a spoonful of oyakodon.

            Ushijima paused, wondering it would do any good to tell Tendou about Hinata. His good sense told him otherwise, but nothing else he had done had helped either. He sighed.

            “Tendou. I met my soulmate.”

            Tendou spat out his food and choked on air for a few seconds. _Bad timing,_ Ushijima thought as Tendou struggled to regain his breath. “Ushiwaka, that—that wasn't funny,” he wheezed, wiping rice off his face.

            “I wasn't kidding.”

            “Are you serious?” Tendou demanded with wide eyes. “ _You_ have a soulmate? Wait—so that's where you've been disappearing off to everyday? You've been getting all lovey-dovey with your soulmate while I've been at home worried sick, is that how it is?” Tendou sang.

            “No. He doesn't know I'm his soulmate yet.”

            Tendou's eyes grew even wider. “He? Your soulmate is a guy? Have you always been interested in guys?”

            Ushijima regretted telling Tendou about Hinata already; he wasn't focusing on the important things. “I've never been interested in anyone.”

            “Right, haha, forgot who I was talking to for a second. Anyways! Whaddaya mean he doesn't know you're his soulmate? He hasn't heard your voice yet?”

            “He's deaf. He will never hear my voice.”

            Tendou was silent for a rare second, seeming to understand the severity of the situation. “Haha, are you for real? He's deaf? Weeell, I guess I'd pretend to be deaf too if _you_ were my soulmate but still...”

            Ushijima left hand twitched.

            “Now, now, now, don't look at me like that! I was just trying to lighten the mood a little!” Tendou said quickly as Ushijima continued to glare at him. He gulped and changed the subject. “Okay. So. He's deaf. That's not thaaat big of a deal. That just means you have to tell him you're his soulmate, doesn't it? It might be a little weird at first, but I'm sure he'll get used to you eventually and—,”

            Ushijima cut him off. “It's more complicated than that. I have to find him first.”

            “Find him? Whatdaya mean?”

            “I met him at Murasaki Rozu park a few days ago. I've been going back and waiting for him every day since then, but I haven't seen him since.”

            “Eh? That's why you've been gone all the time?”

            “Yeah.”

            “So, you've just been waiting for him at the park all day? Like a stalker?”

            “Yeah.”

            Tendou sighed. “Geez, even with a soulmate you're still weird. You're probably not going to find him like that. What else do you know about him?”

            “Nothing. He's deaf. He has orange hair. He's athletic, he was playing volleyball when I met him.”

            He snorted. “Of cooourse your soulmate plays volleyball.”

            “No. I don't think he does. He was too short to play professionally, except possibly as a libero. I checked with local colleges and independent teams though; no liberos named Hinata.”

            Tendou looked impressed. “You went that far? Wow, you really...I mean I guess it makes sense since he's your soulmate and all, but still. It's weird to see you this serious about something other than volleyball.”

            “It's not simply weird,” Ushijima stated, unpleasantly reminded about how uncharacteristic all of this was for him. “it's unnatural. I hate it.”

            “Unnatural? Oh...I forgot you didn't want a soulmate. Well, even for you I'm pretty sure it's normal to at least be curious about the person who's supposed to be 100% perfect for you.”

            Ushijima's jaw tightened. It wasn't simple curiosity. It was something different, something Ushijima couldn't identify. It was an unknown impulse that coursed through Ushijima every second that he wasn't in Hinata’s presence. Sick of thinking about it, he decided to end the conversation.

            “I guess. I'm going to get going now.”

            Tendou seemed at a loss for helpful suggestions, so Ushijima turned and headed out the door.

            “Oi! Ushiwaka!”

            Ushijima hesitated in the door frame and looked over his shoulder, an alien flicker of hope igniting in his chest. “Yeah?”

            “Dooon’t forget a jacket. If you come home soaked again, you really will get sick this time,” he warned, sounding more ominous than concerned with a wide smile stretching across his face.

            Ushijima's shoulders dropped. He nodded and grabbed his Ryujin Nippon jacket off the coat rack with a quick 'thanks' to Tendou before closing the door and heading out.

♥ ♥ ♥

            Surprisingly, he didn't need to find Hinata. Hinata found him. Ushijima was in line at a vendor stand in the center of the park to buy a tube of sunblock when he felt a gentle tap on his right arm. He turned around and saw Hinata. The shock of seeing Hinata again was nothing compared to his shock over how Hinata looked just as beautiful and blindingly clear as he did when Ushijima first saw him after hearing him speak. His vibrant hair was still mused in a way that framed Hinata's soft round face perfectly; it still looked so soft that it made Ushijima's hands twitch. Once again, Ushijima found himself thinking that Hinata's eyes shone so brightly they could have been carved out of brown Cassiterite and just like the previous time, Hinata's pale skin seemed to glow in the sun light. He looked radiant. Ushijima stood perfectly still, stunned.

            “Oi, excuse me, are you—oh! Hey! You're the guy from last time!” he said, his unique voice losing its excited tone and taking on a nervous one half way through his sentence.

            His voice washed over Ushijima. It was like a repeat of the last time Ushijima heard him speak, except his time the harsher emotions he'd felt were non-existent. Instead, he felt source less happiness, excitement, weightlessness, and another foreign emotion that made him feel like all the oxygen in his lungs had vanished. It took his voice of reason a few second to even reach his consciousness. _Respond. Respond. You need to answer him._ Ushijima blinked, trying to remember what Hinata had said to him in the first place. _Oh. Right._

“Yes I am. What do you want?”

            Hinata seemed to shrink into himself and Ushijima regretted not using different words. “Uwwooh, s—sorry for bothering you! It's just—I just saw your jacket, and I wasn't sure but—actually I was sure because I know those colors—but, well, you play for Ryujin Nippon right? Don't you?” Hinata said, bouncing on his toes and regaining the excited tone in his voice as he talked.

            Ushijima frowned. That's what he wanted to talk about? His jacket? “Yeah. What about it?”

            His face lit up and Ushijima's heart started to beat at an abnormal rate again. “Well it's just—so cool! You really play for Ryujin Nippon? Really, really? What position do you play? Is Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium really as big as it looks? What are your teammates like? Is Coach Keito really that—,”

            “I can take whoever's next,” the vendor said, cutting off Hinata's breathless stream of questions.

            Irritated, Ushijima turned around to see that the line in front of him had disappeared. He strode up to the vendor's stand, and thankfully, Hinata followed him. Ushijima took a tube of sunscreen off one of the little cardboard display cases and set it on the counter. “That'll be 877.47 yen,” the woman behind the stand said as he pulled the money out of his wallet. Setting it down and taking the sun screen, he turned back to Hinata. “Did you need to buy something?”

            Hinata blushed. “Oh...no, I didn't need anything. I just recognized your jacket from across the park and I…uuhhmmn…,”

            “Do you play volleyball?”

            Hinata seemed so excited by the question that he couldn't even speak for a few seconds. “Yes! Yes, I do! I practice every day and I'm going to play for Ryujin Nippon too! I—I—,” he yelled.

            Ushijima had always found confidence based on nothing to be annoying, but Hinata was so confident when he spoke that Ushijima found himself curious as to whether or not he actually had the talent to back up his words. Subconsciously, Ushijima started walking towards the volleyball court; once again Hinata followed him.

            “I see. Ryujin Nippon's recruitment season starts in August. What team do you currently play for?” he asked, careful to maintain eye contact so Hinata could ‘hear’ him.

            “Oh, uhhm, well, so the thing is, right now—just for a little bit—I don't actually have a team that I play on _exactly_...”

            Ushijima narrowed his eyes. “If you don’t play on an official team, how do you plan on getting recruited?”

            Hinata huffed. “I'm...I'm figuring it out,” he mumbled.

            Ushijima's frowned deepened. He opened his mouth to tell him that that wasn't an adequate answer but he was interrupted.

            “Oh! We were going to the volleyball court! I just noticed. Hey! Do you want to practice with me?” Hinata said, his eyes becoming extra sparkly.

            “Sure,” Ushijima said, with that foreign nervousness working its way back into his chest.

            “Really? Er —I’m mean of course you wanna! Anyways, that’s awesome! Oh, uh, annnnd if it's not too hard for you,” he continued, his face getting even redder, “do you think you could give me some tips? Since you actually play for Nippon and all...,”

            “Okay.”

            “Whohoo! Thank you so much! I’m excited! Okay, let's go then!” Hinata yelled, pumping his fists in the air. Then he raced off towards the gate that enclosed the volleyball court and flung the gate open. Instead of running, Ushijima walked causally towards the gate, making sure to close it behind himself. He walked up to Hinata, who was sitting next to his black backpack leaned up against the netted gate. Ushijima sat down next to him and started applying sunscreen as Hinata pulled things out of his bag. He quickly slid on the kneepads Ushijima remembered seeing last time and taped his fingers up in volleyball gauze. Then he pulled his volleyball out of his bag.

            “Alright, all ready!” he cheered.

            Ushijima stared down at the sunscreen in his hand. He didn't think about it for more than a second before asking, “Do you have sunscreen on?”

            Hinata blinked. “Huh? Sunscreen? Uhm, no, why?”

            Ushijima held out the tube. “It's important to always wear sunscreen outdoors. Apply some.”

            He looked at Ushijima like he wasn't speaking Japanese. “Oh, I don't need any, I never get sun burned! Thanks, though!”

            “There are worse things than getting sunburned. UV radiation is dangerous. Please apply some sunscreen so we can begin,” Ushijima said. He didn't know why he cared so much, but he was starting to feel irritated. _Are you allowed to feel irritated with your soulmate?_ Ushijima wondered.

            Hinata laughed. Ushijima was mesmerized by the sound; unlike his voice it wasn't a mix of low and high. It was simply a light and airy sound. “You're really strange, y'know that?” And then he peered at Ushijima, in a way that seemed to say, ‘Should I still be afraid of this person?’. “Well, I don't wanna, sooo, either you can _make_ me, ooor we can just start already.”

            Hinata started to get up but Ushijima grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down, careful not to use too much force. Hinata let out a little squeak.

            “If that’s what you want,” Ushijima said in a rough voice, moving so that he was sitting in front of Hinata. Flipping open the cap, he squeezed a quarter sized portion of sunscreen onto his index and middle fingers. Then, he cupped Hinata's face with his left hand, which was effective in making Hinata be completely still, and started applying sunscreen to his face.

            _Soft,_ he mused to himself as he swirled sunscreen circles on Hinata's right cheek. Hinata turned so red that his hair seemed to pale in comparison, and his wide eyes seemed to hardly blink at all. Ushijima paid no attention to this, though, and continued thoroughly rub sunscreen into his skin. Once he was done with Hinata's face, he squeezed more sunscreen onto the tip of his fingers and tilted Hinata's face up with his other hand. Dazed, Hinata complied. He flinched hard when Ushijima touched his neck; the sensation of Ushijima stroking up and down seemed to snap him out of his haze.

            “Whaaahah, okay, oookay! You win! Just—I’ll do it myself, so!” Hinata stuttered, swatting Ushijima’s hand away.

            Somewhat regretfully, Ushijima sat back a little and handed him the sunscreen. Hinata snatched it from him, still flushing red, and started applying it vigorously. Ushijima watched him, waiting for Hinata to make eye contact with him so he could change the subject. Hinata glanced up half way through slathering his arms.

            “Your friend isn’t with you today?” Ushijima said promptly.

            “You mean Kageyama? No, he has to work today. He’s a barista at CatTail Cafe, but he’s not very good at it. He keeps ‘accidentally’ spilling coffee on people he doesn't like. Which is almost everyone,” Hinata said, quickly forgetting his nervousness.

            “Oh.” Ushijima said, averting his eyes when Hinata started rubbing sunscreen into his legs. A few moments later, Hinata shoved the bottle back into Ushijima’s hands. “Okay! Done! _Now_ can we start?”

            “Yeah,” Ushijima said, standing up. “I want to assess your skills before we start.”

            “Huh? Assess? Ohhh, like, you wanna watch me? Sure! Are you going to toss for me?” he said, his face lighting up with a broad smile again.

            “What does tossing have to do with your skills as a libero?”

            He looked offended. “I—I'm not a Libro! I'm a spiker! And I'm gonna be the ace of Ryujin Nippon!”

            Ushijima started to feel himself get a headache. Suddenly Hinata being deaf seemed like much less of a problem compared to him being delusional. “Hinata. You are too short to hold any other position.”

            “Hey! 5'4 is an average height!”

            “Average is not good enough.”

            Hinata clenched his hands into fists. “A—anyways! It doesn't matter! I can jump super high! My jumping skills aren’t average at all so, just—,” Hinata held out the volleyball to Ushijima, his eyes narrowing with determination. “Here, I'll show you. Toss for me.”

            Recalling for a moment how scared Hinata had seemed of him when they first met, Ushijima raised an eyebrow and took the ball from him. He headed to the left side of the court and got into the position to toss. Hinata raced to the right side and positioned himself to spike.

            “Whenever you’re ready!” he yelled, watching Ushijima from the corners of his eyes.

 _He has good form_ , Ushijima thought to himself as he turned back to the net. As the captain of Ryujin Nippon, Ushijima didn't play as a setter very often, but even so he was trained to exceed in any position. He purposely tossed as high as was reasonable, refusing to go easy even on his soulmate. Then, Ushijima turned to look at Hinata, but to his surprise he had vanished from his spot on the right side of the court. Instead, a blur of orange and skin tone raced towards him. Still barely visible, Hinata leapt into the air with no hesitation. Seconds before Hinata's hand made contact with the ball, he came perfectly into view, as if Ushijima was seeing a photograph. Hinata was so high off the ground that it didn't physically seem possible; he might as well have had invisible wings. For the first time in his life, Ushijima watched someone else the way he knew people watched him: frozen in awe of such raw, unchallengeable talent. Watching Hinata made Ushijima forget about everything, the Rei-Kohaku soulmate theory, the fact that Hinata couldn't hear his voice, the resentment he felt towards the concept of soulmates; all of it. Instead, for a split second, all Ushijima could think was, ' _Why hasn't anyone recruited him?'_.

            _Wham!_ Hinata spiked the ball and it sailed across the court; Hinata landed back onto the ground with a hard _thump._ He was by Ushijima's side in less than a second.

            “So,” he said, giddy with excitement, “whadidyathink? Awesome, right? Super cool, huh?”

            “You were correct, you can jump high. That skill, however, is worthless without refinement.”

            Hinata's jaw dropped. “What the heck? You—you're so mean! Did you even watch me? Didn't you see me go ' _whoosh'_ and then the ball went ' _whaahh'_ and then—,” he said, waving his hands around as he spoke.

            “I did. I also saw the ball go over the boundary line,” Ushijima stated, pointing to the volleyball which had rolled far over the court's white line, “as well as your sloppy landing. You have a long way to go before you will be adequate for our team.”

            He pouted, and his shoulders fell. He turned away. “I—I see...well, uhm, thanks for watching me. I’ll keep working on it. You’ll see.”

            Ushijima already felt compelled to help Hinata for some bizarre reason, but the pouting only intensified that feeling, strangely. He placed a hand on Hinata's shoulder, so he would look up at him. “Do you want to start practicing now, or are you content to just pout about it?”

            “Oh! Yeah, let’s practice!”

             And just like that, Hinata's infectious smile returned full force.


	3. Love Is (A Little Too) Honest

   In the upscale atmosphere of Shichi Hachuko, Hinata and Ushijima stuck out immensely. They were both still in athletic wear, with Hinata and Ushijima sporting a backpack and a gym bag, and after hours of vigorous practice in full sun, they were both dripping with sweat. The way the host looked them both up and down made Ushijima want to take Hinata and leave immediately. Ushijima had only brought Hinata there because it was the closest restaurant to Murasaki Rozu park and he wanted to take him somewhere before Hinata changed his mind. After practicing, Ushijima suggested that they go get something to eat. He had an ulterior motive though; Ushijima had questions he needed answering. The concept of food seemed to excite Hinata an abnormal amount and he seemed happy to dine with Ushijima, but then he realized he didn't have any money on him. It made no difference to Ushijima, but Hinata was so resistant to letting him pay that ' _you can ask me anything you want about Ryujin Nippon'_ , was that the only thing that swayed him. Still, he seemed hesitant.  

   At any rate, Hinata didn't seem to notice how much they stuck out, and Ushijima didn’t care, so long as Hinata continued to be un-bothered by it.

   “A table for how many?” the host asked, stepping back from them a bit, despite already being behind a podium.

   “Two,” Ushijima said.

   The host paused before he nodded and took two menus out of the wooden cubby attached to the side of the podium. “Right this way.”

   Ushijima and Hinata followed him through the restaurant; Hinata looking up at the glistening chandeliers with dazzled eyes. The host took them to a small table in the middle of the dining room and set the menus down. “Your server will be with you shortly,” he said, making eye contact with neither of them before turning and disappearing. Ushijima pulled out Hinata's chair for him, thinking that it was what he was supposed to do as Hinata’s soulmate, but realizing too late that it didn’t make sense in the context of their current relationship. Hinata froze and Ushijima tensed, realizing what he'd done, but Hinata said something that sounded like, 'oh, thanks!' and quickly sat down. Under the dim light, it was hard to tell for certain, but it looked like Hinata was blushing. Carefully, Ushijima pushed him in and retreated to his own seat.

   Looking around, Ushijima continued to regret his choice in restaurants. The atmosphere was romantic, with low lighting accompanied by soft classical music. All of the tables, including their own, were draped with pristine white table cloths and each table was set with two long candles in gold candle holders. It was an unsuitable atmosphere for the kinds of questions Ushijima wanted to ask Hinata but when he looked back at Hinata it seemed like he hadn't noticed the atmosphere at all. Instead, he had unrolled his silverware and was rubbing his sweat soaked face with his cloth napkin. As the couple sitting next to them watched Hinata in horror, the corners of Ushijima's mouth twitched.

    “That feels,” Hinata sighed, dropping his napkin back on the table, “so much better.”

   Ushijima opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by their server approaching their table.

   “Good evening, gentleman. My name is Airi and I'm going to be your server tonight. Tonight, our recommended wines are...,” the woman with short black hair continued.

    Ushijima glanced back over at Hinata, who looked completely mesmerized by what she was saying. His eyes drifted down to Hinata's left arm that rested entirely on their small table. _Poor table manners in every aspect_ , he mused to himself. His thoughts didn't linger there though, as he was suddenly filled with the urge to place his own hand on top of Hinata's. He quickly turned his attention back to their server.

   “Would you like to see the wine and alcohol menu?” she said to Hinata, holding out a laminated menu.

   His eyes grew wide and he immediately reached for it, but his hand hesitated in mid-air.

    “Order anything you want,” Ushijima said quickly.

   Hinata's grateful smile was incredulous as he took the menu. He poured over it carefully, as if he'd never seen one before.

   “Uhm, I'll have sake please,” he said, his eyes shining with excitement and his voice a few decibels too loud for the atmosphere.

   Their server had been surprised by the sound of Ushijima’s voice but even more so by Hinata’s. She struggled to contain her disdain. “Of course,” she said, taking the wine list back and turning to Ushijima. “For you, sir?”

    “Just water,” he said. Ushijima rarely ate out; he struggled to remember the proper social protocol for the situation. “Please,” he added.

   She nodded and then disappeared. Hinata immediately turned to him, propping his elbows up on the table and resting his chin in his hands. “Okay! Question time! What do you—,”

   Ushijima held a hand up. “First, I have a question for you.”

   “Huh? Oh, sure! Ask me whatever!”

   “You should have been recruited to play professionally in your senior year of high school. Why weren’t you?”

   Something dark flickered across Hinata's face but the emotion vanished before Ushijima could identify it. Hinata gave him an overly bright smile. “Oh, well, uhm. Who knows? It was probably 'cause my receives were even worse back then,” he said, shrugging and laughing uncomfortably.

   “That is not physically possible,” Ushijima said, deciding to play along for the moment.

    “Hey!” Hinata cried, a little too loud again, “that's—that's not true! My receives have improved so much since then, I work on them every! Single! Day! And I also—,” Hinata continued to ramble on.

   Feeling irritated, Ushijima stopped listening. He disliked being lied to, and sitting there in an annoyingly romantic restaurant, he was reminded that Hinata was supposed to be his soulmate.

   “Hinata. What do you think about the Rei-Kohaku Soulmate Theory?”

   Hinata stopped short. “The soulmate thingy? Uhm, I guess I—hey! Wait! You said only one question before it was my turn! And that doesn't even have to do with volleyball!”

   Ushijima narrowed his eyes. “Just answer the question.”

    “Okay!” he said, suddenly seeming nervous again. “Uh, it's silly, isn't it? Isn't that a story they tell little kids? But then some people took it too seriously and got all superstitious about it? Right, right?”

   Ushijima's jaw tightened. He wasn't sure what he expected Hinata to say, but whatever it was, that wasn't it. A heavy sense of dread started to form in the pit of his stomach.

   “If someone were to tell you that they were your soulmate, what would your response be?”

   Hinata seemed to want to object to an additional question but knew better. Instead he shifted in his seat. “Uhm, I'd probably think they were crazy and try to stay away from them?”

   Neither of them said anything else for a few seconds. Ushijima felt the dread in his stomach knot. Beyond that, he felt betrayed, but by no one in particular. He'd spent his whole life working hard so that the life he lived was a direct result of his own hard work. Now everything was spinning out of control and there was nothing Ushijima could do about it. Whether he liked it or not, he needed to be with Hinata, and Hinata had no reason to oblige him.

   Hinata dropped his gaze and scratched the back of his neck. “Can we talk about something else now?”

   As if on cue, their server returned. She placed both of their drinks in front of them, or rather, she tried to. Hinata took his sake right out of her hands and drank almost half of it within seconds. Again, the woman tried to hide her disdain. He licked his lips and looked between the both of them, excited.

   “It's good! It's really sweet!”

   She forced a smile. “Of course. So, are you two ready to order, or do you need another minute?”

    “Gwaahh! Shit! We were so busy talking we forgot to look at the menu!”

   “That's fine, there's no rush. If you don't see anything on the menu that suits your pallet, our specials today are...,”

   She left after telling them the specials and Hinata started pouring over his menu. Not looking up he said, “After we order, it's my turn for questions! And you should get ready, because I am going to ask many, many questions!”

   “Sure,” he said, picking up his own menu even though he was disinterested.

   And true to his word, Hinata did ask him many, many questions.

   By the time that Ushijima realized Hinata had no alcohol tolerance whatsoever, it was too late. Two hours after their meal, Hinata was barely able to stand, let alone tell Ushijima where he lived so he could take him home. Living only a few blocks away, Ushijima decided he would take Hinata back to his apartment. Then, a few seconds later, when Hinata fell for the third time that evening, he quickly decided that he would _carry_ Hinata back to his apartment. Leaning down, he placed one hand under Hinata's knees and another on the side of his chest. Ushijima lifted him into the air. _He's even lighter than he appears,_ Ushijima thought, _and he didn't look heavy to begin with._

   Hinata let out a little squeak. “H—hey, what—where did the ground go?”

   He didn't bother answering him because Hinata wasn't looking at him. After squirming for a second, Hinata decided that whatever was happening was probably fine, so he rested his head against Ushijima's chest…and fell asleep instantly. Ushijima tensed. As he walked, he tried to keep his eyes straight ahead and his thoughts solely on the direction he was heading, but with Hinata so close to him, he was finding the task difficult. Strands of Hinata's hair were brushing against Ushijima's collarbone and the gentle rhythm of his breathing instilled an overwhelming desire in Ushijima to do... _something,_ though he was at a loss as to what that something was. With Hinata so close to him, every time he inhaled his nose was flooded with the same light scent he had noticed when he'd first met Hinata, except this time it was mixed with the sweet smell of alcohol on Hinata's breath. Ushijima tried to inhale less.

   When they arrived at his apartment, Ushijima set Hinata down with his back propped up against the wall as gently as he could. He remained asleep. Relieved, Ushijima unlocked the door and swept Hinata back up. They had made it half way to Ushijima's room when Hinata's eyes fluttered open. Ushijima paused for a second. After assessing that Hinata hadn't fully woken up, he strode into his room and over to his bed, placing Hinata down carefully. Then he turned to the window above his bed to close the blinds; the room was half illuminated due to the street lamp across from his apartment complex. While he did this, Hinata seemed to figure out that he was on a bed. He grappled with the covers that Ushijima had so meticulously tucked into the mattress earlier that morning and managed to pry them free enough to crawl under them. Seemingly falling right back asleep, Hinata was still and peaceful. For approximately three seconds.

   His eyes flew open and he sat straight up, throwing the covers off his legs. “Sssshoes!” he yelled in a slurred voice. Then, with remarkable speed considering how intoxicated he was, he unlaced his sneakers and pushed them off the side of the bed. Then, returning to his drunken daze, he blinked a few times before scooping up the covers and flopping back down.

 _He seems to have some manners,_ Ushijima thought to himself as he headed back to the front door to remove his own shoes.  Once he did that, he wasn't sure what to do next. Neither Tendou nor Ushijima ever brought guests over, which meant that they saw no reason to waste money on anything Ushijima could sleep on: they had no couch, futon, or even extra pillows and blankets. He glanced at Tendou's door. Ushijima wasn't sure where his roommate had disappeared to, but Tendou's absence did mean there was an empty bed available...he dismissed the thought, and decided he never wanted to enter Tendou's room. It was unsanitary. And most likely a health hazard. Seeing no other option, Ushijima headed back into his own room. He made as little noise as possible as he climbed into bed, and then positioned himself so that he was lying on his back at the very edge of the bed. He spent the next few minutes focusing on his breathing, forcing himself to keep Hinata's presence out of his mind. Several more minutes passed, and Ushijima began to drift off to sleep...he felt movement beside him.

   Ushijima's eyes snapped open, but before he could sit up he felt a small hand on top of his chest. He blinked rapidly to force his eyes to adjust faster. Even with the blinds pulled down, Ushijima could still make out Hinata's softly illuminated face hovering above him. Hinata was looking down at him like he didn't recognize Ushijima, with his brows furrowing over his half-lidded eyes.

   “Hinata. What are you doing?” Ushijima asked, trying to not move too much as it seemed that Hinata was holding his torso up with the hand placed on Ushijima's chest.

    “You're sho different than I thooought you'd be,” Hinata said, ignoring him. His voice was distorted.

   “In what way?”

   “ 'Cause you seemed sho tall and scary and weeeird when I met you. Well, I guess you s–still are tall. And weird. But I think you're nice, jussst bad at shhoowing it,” he said. “But today was fun!”

   Ushijima's heart started to beat so loudly that he was glad Hinata was deaf. No one had ever called him 'nice' before or said that they'd had fun in his presence. Hinata must have been really drunk. Stunned, Ushijima couldn't think of anything to say, so instead he just said nothing at all. Hinata didn't seem to mind.

   “Alsssho, I like your mouth,” Hinata said, staring intently down at Ushijima.

   “What?” Ushijima asked in a strained, rough voice after a second of silence.

   Hinata lifted the hand that was resting on Ushijima's chest up to his face and lightly pressed a finger to Ushijima's bottom lip. “The way you talk...is nice. It's ssslow, and you say everything c-clearly, ssso I don't missss that much. Makes me wisssh I could s-still hear things, 'cause I think your voice would sound cool.”

   Their faces were so close that their noses were almost touching. Ushijima clenched his jaw, fighting the desire to grab Hinata by the shoulder and pull him down so that it was his lips touching Ushijima's mouth, not his finger.

   “Enough of this,” Ushijima grunted, grabbing Hinata’s shoulder. Instead of pulling him closer, he pushed Hinata off him and adjusted his position so that now he was the one hovering over Hinata, with one hand still on his shoulder.

   “You,” Ushijima breathed, his thoughts still muddled. His lips tingled fervently and his face felt hot. He turned away from Hinata's curious gaze. “are exactly like I thought you'd be. You are the most difficult person I know.”

    Hinata placed a warm palm on Ushijima's cheek and turned his face back towards Hinata's; Ushijima flinched. “Noooo, it doesn't work that way! You haveta look at me, or I can't hear. Whaddaya just say?”

   Ushijima sighed and took Hinata's hand off his face. “I said, 'you're intoxicated. You need rest now. Go to sleep, Hinata’.”

   Ushijima let go of Hinata's shoulder and rolled back to his side of the bed, positioning himself as close to the edge as he could.

   “Oooh! Oookay! 'Night, Ushijima!” came Hinata's cheery response.

    Ushijima closed his eyes and tried to refocus his breathing. To his surprise, however, it was actually the steady rhythm of Hinata's breathing that lured him to sleep.

 


	4. Sometimes Love Involves A Dog???

When Ushijima woke up, he was on the floor. Confused, he sat up and arched his back, trying to work out some of the soreness. It only took a second for the previous night to come flooding back to him; accidentally getting Hinata intoxicated, carrying him home, having him sleep in his bed and the uncomfortable conversation that came with that. What he did not remember, however, was how he ended up on the floor. Ushijima stood up and glanced at his bed. Instantly, it was clear what happened: Hinata had pushed him out of bed. 

Hinata was sprawled out diagonally across his bed with his arms stretched out to the edge of the mattress, his hands still turned up in the _push_ position. Ushijima was almost amused. _He’s restless, even when sleeping._ Motionless for a moment, Ushijima continued to study Hinata’s sleeping form. He was a mess; his hair stuck up in every direction and at some point, his tee shirt had gotten bunched up at Hinata’s chest, exposing his smooth white torso. Despite being a restless sleeper, Hinata looked oddly peaceful. He had a dumb expression on his face; happily dreaming away as he drooled all over Ushijima’s pillows. 

Sunlight streamed through the slats of the blinds; it was at least 8‘o clock in the morning. Though Ushijima considered it inefficient to sleep in any later, he didn't feel like waking Hinata up. That alone bewildered Ushijima. Everything about Hinata should have made him want him out of his bed and out of his residence as quickly as possible, but instead Ushijima wanted to let him sleep. Agitated, mostly with himself, he headed to the bathroom to wash his face and hands. Next, he went into the kitchen to make breakfast. He moved mechanically, forcing himself to focus on the ingredients in front of him, and not on the fact that he had just woken up in the same room as Hinata. Fifteen minutes after starting the rice, he heard his bedroom door creak. _Step, step, step_ , came Hinata’s light footsteps out into the kitchen. He froze when he saw Ushijima. 

“Ushijima! Holy crap, what happened last night? Where—where am I?”

Ushijima tensed as the now-familiar wave of light, pleasant emotions crashed over him. He pressed his eyes closed and tried to swallow everything down, including his heart beat. Then, he cleared his throat. “You got intoxicated at dinner. I carried you back to my apartment,” Ushijima stated plainly, putting a pan on the front stove burner and coating it with oil. 

Hinata turned beet red. “I got drunk? You...carried me?”

“Yeah.” 

“Oh...uhm! Sorry ‘bout that! I wasn’t, er,” Hinata said, nervously dropping his gaze for a second, “too heavy, was I?”

The corners of Ushijima’s mouth twitched. “I have water bottles that weigh more than you.”

Ushijima was trying to be humorous but Hinata just squawked in protest. “You—you coulda just said no...,” he mumbled. “Anyways! Thanks for, uhhm, letting me sleep here. I—I should probably get going! So...uh,”

“Do you want breakfast first?”

Hinata’s face lit up for a second before he dropped his gaze again and bit his lip. “Hhmm, well…,”

“It's Tamago Kake Gohan,” Ushijima prompted, taking a carton of eggs out of the fridge, as if to prove his point.

 

“TamaKaGo? That’s my favorite!” 

_ Yes. I’m aware. You told me that at dinner. Three separate times, _ Ushijima thought to himself. He said nothing though, and instead took two bowls out of the cupboard. 

“Well...I guess if you’re already making some, it would probably be rude not to eat some? I guess I can stay for a little bit…,” Hinata said excitedly, pulling up a chair at the kitchen table. 

Ushijima found himself feeling relieved. _So he can be easily swayed by food._ Weirdly, he found it enduring. Hinata chattered away as Ushijima finished cooking, seeming to need only minimal encouragement from Ushijima to keep going. After a few minutes Ushijima brought their two bowls to the table; they both said ‘ _Itadakimasu_ ’ and started eating. Hinata ate enthusiastically, not looking up from his food, and Ushijima noted that he seemed immune to the common next day side effects of intoxication. As he ate, Ushijima watched him and tried to figure out what he should do next. He’d managed to make some progress with Hinata: they’d spent the previous day together, they’d slept in the same room, and now they were eating breakfast together. But where did he go from there? He had decided against telling Hinata that they were soulmates, at least not until Hinata trusted him a little more, but then, what could he use to keep Hinata close to him?

The sound of a wooden chair scraping against the floor pulled Ushijima out of his thoughts. Hinata, empty bowl in front of him, was leaning over the table with his hands spread out on the table top so that he was eye level with Ushijima. “Ushijima! That was really, _really,_ good! Thank you very much!” he practically shouted. 

Ushijima frowned and looked down at Hinata’s bowl. How was he finished already? Hadn’t Ushijima put the food in front of him only a few seconds ago?

“Okay,” Hinata said, “I should pro—,”

“Do you want seconds?” Ushijima asked promptly.

Hinata beamed, forgetting completely about whatever he was just going to say. “Seconds! Yes, please!”

He took his bowl and literally ran to the stove, despite being only a few feet from it. While he waited for Hinata to come back, Ushijima took a second to think about what he should say next. _It should be a question pertaining to something personal. Not intrusive though. Maybe I’ll ask…_

 “Gwahh!” came a loud yell from the kitchen. Hinata ran back into the dining room, looking panicked. “The—the clock on the stove—that’s not right, is it?”

“It is. Why?”

“Nooo! Late! I’m so late!” 

“For wh—,” Ushijima tried to ask but Hinata didn't hear him. 

Instead, Hinata ran towards the door, calling ‘thanks for breakfast!’ behind himself. He flung the door open and disappeared. Ushijima was stunned for a split second, but then he jumped up. He couldn't let Hinata disappear again. Following Hinata to the open door, he sprinted out to the hallway ready to grab Hinata by the arm...only to find that the hallway was completely empty. 

“Hinata?” he called. Ushijima quickly went down to the stairwell, expecting to at least see Hinata’s figure retreating down the stairs, but that too was completely empty. Ushijima narrowed his eyes. _Where did he go?_

_ ♥ ♥ ♥ _

The next four days were an unwelcome repeat of the first week after he had met Hinata. Every day, Ushijima woke up early and stayed at Murasaki Rozu park late, waiting for Hinata to show up. The only difference this time was that Ushijima always wore his Ryujin Nippon jacket, hoping it would draw Hinata out. It did not.

It wasn't until Tendou came home a day later that things started to progress again. 

“Ushiwaka! Guessss who I found!”

Ushijima looked up from his ironing as his roommate slammed the door behind him, kicked off his shoes and bounded up to Ushijima. 

“Who?”

“No! Gueeesss!”

Ushijima held his iron up. “Was it a doctor that treats burns?”

Tendou was shocked into silence, (but only for a mere second). “No! Jeez! How can you be so harsh to the guy that found your soul~mate?” 

Ushijima froze. “What?”

“I found him! The guy you're looking for—he's short, kinda athletic, with brown eyes and orange hair that makes him look like he got electrocuted, right? Riiight?” 

“Yeah.”

“Well, y'know the animal shelter on 5th street? I’m pretty sure your shorty works there; I almost ran right into him on my way home. I think he was taking the dogs for a walk; he left the shelter with like, 20 dogs on leashes.”

Ushijima's pulse started to accelerate. A place of employment was something tangible. Something Ushijima could work with. “Thank you for telling me,” he said curtly, unplugging the clothing iron and heading towards the door.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't go there _now,_ ” Tendou said, catching Ushijima's arm. “It's past 6’ o clock at night. The place is probably closed.”

Ushijima's frowned. He said nothing, but nodded and went back to the ironing board in the center of the living room. 

“Awww, c'mon Ushiwaka! Don't be upset! You can go first thing tomorrow, and besssides! Now we have time to pick out the mansion you're totally gonna to buy me when your soulmate falls in love with you!” Tendou sang. 

The glare that Ushijima shot him made Tendou more afraid of him than he was of the iron. 

“Or not!'

The next day, Ushijima arrived at the animal shelter on 5th Street at 9 o'clock in the morning. 9 o’clock was exactly one hour after it officially opened, because he was being careful to not seem 'stalker-ish' as Tendou put it. Ushijima felt awkward regardless. It wasn’t just that he was going to see Hinata, although that played a significant part. It was more that the pet shelter was really…small. From the outside it looked like a normal home that was maybe just a little bigger width wise than average and if it weren’t for the wooden ‘WHITE WINGS ANIMAL SHELTHER’ sign attached to the fence, Ushijima probably would have gone past it. One the inside the lobby was a white room plastered with pet-care posters and furnished with a cluster of plastic red chairs near the door; they were so small that they may as well have been toys in Ushijima’s eyes. Facing the door was a faded looking wooden desk containing a bulky, outdated looking computer, a keyboard, a cup holding a handful of pencils, and a few stacks of paper. Everything looked small and fragile; Ushijima felt like he was going to break something just by exhaling so deeply.

He took a careful step forward and approached the desk, his head cocked towards the narrow hallway a few feet away that seemed to lead to the rest of the shelter. “I am in need of assistance,” he called in that direction. 

 A few seconds later heavy footsteps sounded down the hallway and two people appeared. The first person was a bald male dressed in scrubs. He looked about 5’10 in height, and 20 years in age. The second person was Hinata. 

“Man, sorry about that! We didn’t hear you in the back. Anyway, what can I do for you?” the other male said, heading back behind the desk. 

Ushijima wasn’t listening though, as both Hinata and himself had frozen when they saw each other. His eyes absorbed every little detail of Hinata’s appearance immediately and he felt his heart start to beat harder with each passing second. _Teal is a suitable color for him_ , Ushijima thought to himself. 

Hinata, who was stunned simply because he wasn't expecting to see Ushijima again, spoke first. “Hwuah? It’s you again?”

Ushijima swallowed and clenched his fist. Hinata’s voice brought a now-familiar wave of warmth and emotion crashing down on him, making his head spin and his body feel weaker. As he waited for it to fade, he briefly wondered if he would ever become immune to it.

The other male raised an eyebrow at Hinata. “You know this guy?”

Hinata shook off his shock and followed his companion behind the desk. “Uhm, sorta? We’ve met a few times at the park and ended up playing volleyball together and errr...that’s all! That’s all we did!”

The guy leaned forward and narrowed his eyes at Ushijima. “So. You came to adopt a pet, huh?”

“No, I didn't,” came Ushijima’s automatic response.

“Oh? So, you’re just blatantly stalking Hinata-kun then? Hmm?” the guy said with a sharp glint in his eyes.

Hinata’s eyes widened and he gripped the guy’s shoulder. “Oi! Tanaka-senpai! That’s not—don’t say that!”

_ He’s more observant than he seems _ , Ushijima thought. He cleared his throat. “I came to assess the animals you currently have in stock before making a decision. Is that not allowed?”

They both stared at him for a second, with their mouths slightly open Then Hinata dropped Tanaka’s shoulder and quickly came around the desk. “Oh! You—you just wanna see the pets! Sure! C’mon, then!”

Tanaka was still glaring at him, but before he could object, Hinata reached out and grabbed his hand. Ushijima almost recoiled. It was the first time Hinata had touched him. Well, the first time while sober anyways. His hand was warm and slightly calloused, as well as so much smaller than Ushijima's that it fit inside his own hand perfectly. 

Hinata stopped and turned to face Ushijima when they were just out of earshot of the reception desk. “I'm sorry about Tanaka-san. He's really nice, y'know, just kinda...protective? Maybe?”

“Do all your friends behave that way?” Ushijima asked, recalling Hinata's friend from the park. 

“Yes. Yes, they do,” Hinata said. He looked down and suddenly realized he was still holding Ushijima's hand. Dropping it immediately, he clamped the offending hand over his mouth and mumbled something like 'sorry!'. “Anyways! You wanted to see the animals! Did you have any pet specific in mind? We have dogs, cats, and—and even a few bunnies! You wouldn't think we would, but we actually have a few today! You don't really seem like a bunny kinda guy, though, hehe.”

Ushijima shrugged. “Show them all to me.”

“Whhaah? All of them? Uhhhm. ‘Kay! We should go to the dog room first! I think you'd look cool with a German Shepard, or maybe...,” Hinata said, turning and continuing down the hallway. 

Hinata didn't take Ushijima's hand again. Ushijima pressed his index finger and thumb together, perplexed by the presence of an emotion that didn't fit the context. It was something foreign, something that Ushijima hadn't felt since his childhood. The unsettling feeling of being denied something you thought you were going to get...wasn't that disappointment? Perplexed, he followed Hinata to the 'dog room'. The room’s heavy blue metal door with a diamond shaped window and metal handle didn't fit in with the shelter’s homey wood walls and floors, but as soon as he followed Hinata into the room he understood why the lobby had been so small. 

The dog room was spacious, with each dog having a wide kennel comprised of metal fences that reached the ceiling. Each kennel was equipped with a dog bed, a bowl for food and water, and at least half a dozen toys and bones. They seemed well cared for too, with the entire room full of dogs having the energy to bark with excitement and jump up against their kennels the second Hinata entered the room. Hinata turned to him. “So, when picking a dog, there's a few things you gotta remember! Certain types need a lot of room, so if you live in a small apartment, —oh, wait, never mind. I've seen your apartment and it's pretty big...oh! Well, you also have to consider energy level! Some types like to run around all the time so if you can't take them out very often you probably shouldn't get those types. There's also —,”

“MR park is approximately 5 minutes from my apartment. I go frequently.”

Hinata paused and then gave him a confused smile. “Okay! Then, I guess—,”

“But you don't. You've only been twice in the last week and a half. Do you think you can play for Ryujin Nippon without practicing every day?”

Hinata's mouth fell open and his face drained of color. Ushijima furrowed his brow. Was that 'stalker-ish'? Rude? Both? According to unimportant people, Ushijima had a hard time telling the difference between 'normal human conversation' and 'things that make people want to punch you in the face'. It had never mattered to Ushijima before, but Hinata's appalled expression told him that his inability to make normal conversation was going to be barrier to getting closer to him. 

Hinata blinked, and then went red. “Hey! I already told you! I practice every day! It's just—I can barely practice at the park 'cause it's too far and someone has to drive me. But I still practice in my backyard! Jeez!”

Ushijima held his hand up in apology. “I see. I'll start picking you up then. Give me your address.” 

But Hinata didn't hear him, as he'd already turned back towards the kennels. “Let's go look at the dogs now!”

So Ushijima followed Hinata to the first kennel where Hinata excitedly told Ushijima everything he knew about the dog, from breed type (Yorkshire Terrier), to age (2 years), to his favorite daily activities (fetch and frisbee). And then he took Ushijima to the next one, and repeated the process over again. It was for this reason that Ushijima didn't manage to get much personal information out of him as they went by the kennels. Not only did Ushijima hesitate as he considered how to ask his questions causally, but Hinata also didn't stop talking long enough to breathe, let alone answer a question. By the time they got to the last kennel, all Ushijima had learned was that Hinata usually worked in the dog room, taking the dogs out to exercise was his favorite part of the job, and being around the dogs made him more excitable than usual (Ushijima's observation). 

“So, this is the very last dog we have. He doesn't have a name yet 'cause he's only 6 months old, also, he's a black lab! He's pretty shy, but he's the sweetest puppy ever and after a little while he gets used to you and then he's super outgoing! Like, really, really hyper! Oh, but not _that_ hyper!” Hinata said quickly.

Ushijima glanced at the kennel. Apparently asleep in the far left corner of the kennel was a small black ball on top of a yellow blanket scrunched up against the wall. It slept so far back in the cage that Ushijima would have assumed the kennel was empty if Hinata hadn't said anything. He looked back at Hinata. 

“Why is your face like that?”

“Eh? Like what?”

“Nervous. Sad. I thought you liked dogs?”

“Kkkyah? I do, I do! I'm just a tiiiny bit worried he won't get adopted, that's all,” Hinata admitted. He squatted down and started making kissing noises and patting his thighs to summon the dog. It ignored him. 

Ushijima squatted down to be at eye level with Hinata. “Your anxiety is unnecessary. Adolescent dogs are considered to have the most value in the pet industry. It will be adopted shortly.”

 Surprisingly, his words seemed to have no calming effect on Hinata. Instead, Hinata's eyes took on a glassy look, like he was about to burst into tears. “U—usually, yeah, but—but people usually don't want disabled pets. Even if a cat or dog is just missing a leg or an ear, it still takes them forever to be adopted, but once people find out he's blind and they have to do extra stuff to keep him safe, they aren't interested at all anymore! And even worse, he's really sad and shy 'cause his first owners abandoned him and he only likes people if he knows them for a really long time so—,” Hinata said, inhaling sharply. He'd seemed to have forgotten Ushijima was there for a second.  “...it's a little hard. That's all.”

_ Stop making that expression. Stop making that expression. Stop m _ — _,_ “Why not adopt it yourself?”

    Hinata bit his lip. “I wanna but...my little sister is allergic to dogs. So. I can’t”

His voice was so strained when he spoke that the words were almost distorted. Hinata's normally melodic voice and his always excited expression both becoming twisted with such crushing hopelessness unnerved Ushijima. He needed to regain control of both of their emotions immediately. 

Hinata, suddenly remembering what they had come there for, bounced back up. “Anyways! That's all the dogs we have! If you didn't see any one you want, let's go to the cat room next!” 

He smiled as he said this, trying to regain his cheerful composure, but it came off as a grimace. This was not helped by the fact that his eyes still held their glossy quality, and his voice was weak when he spoke. It was worse when he tried to fake being happy. Much worse. Something unidentifiable in Ushijima snapped. 

“No,” he said, standing up and making sure to meet Hinata’s eyes so he would be heard. “I've made my decision. I want this dog.”

Hinata's mouth fell open. “Huh? You want—wait! You're just saying that because I made you feel guilty—,”

“No. Hinata. Give me the dog,” he said, placing a strong hand on Hinata's shoulder.

He looked up at him, his face cautious but hopeful. “Really?”

“Really.”

Hinata broke free of his grasp and tackled him, bouncing onto his tip-toes to wrap his arms around Ushijima's chest. It caught Ushijima off guard; he froze for a second before slowly wrapping his arms around Hinata's shoulders. Everything about the interaction should have been awkward. Their height difference, the fact that there were multiple dogs barking in the background, Hinata burying his face into Ushijima's chest while making a strange high-pitched squealing noise; it all should have felt weird and uncomfortable...but it didn't. It didn't because Hinata was touching him with the familiarity you touch an old friend with, and when he let go and awkwardly stumbled backwards, he looked up at Ushijima with big, adoring and grateful eyes. 

“ThankyouthankyouthankyouUshijima! You—you won't regret this at all! You'll be the happiest owner in the world! I promise!”

“Sure.”

Hinata nodded, determined. “Okay! Time for paperwork!”

Ushijima barely heard him though, because he had grabbed his hand again to drag him to whatever was next.  

Twenty minutes later, Ushijima Wakatoshi was the owner of a dog. Ushijima and Hinata were standing in front of his car after getting everything settled; Hinata had put the dog in the front seat and spent a few minutes trying to calm it while Ushijima loaded all the pet supplies into his trunk. When Hinata had brought up the shelter's supplies shop, Ushijima had told him to just go pick out everything he thought Ushijima would need. Hinata took him extremely literally and came back with his arms full of one of everything...but it didn't matter. After buying it all, Hinata rambled on about what a good owner Ushijima would make with a giddy smile on his face. 

Hinata gently shut the passenger door and joined Ushijima, who was leaning against the fence.

“Did it go okay?” Ushijima asked.

“Yep! He's still whimpering a little, but he'll calm down once you take him home. Remember, you have to keep him somewhere safe, like a laundry room or something, while you puppy proof the house. And! And also—,”

Ushijima inhaled and considered what his next action should be very carefully. He had only minutes remaining before it was no longer socially acceptable for him to stay there, but he still had no strong tie to Hinata. He needed an excuse. Something irrefutable. It also needed to be executed perfectly, as he might not have another chance. Eye contact— that was socially acceptable. But it didn’t feel like enough; he needed something more to connect them. To make Hinata focus on him. Touch? Was touch acceptable? It seemed like it, at least when Hinata initiated it, but what kind of touch was acceptable? 

Hinata's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “...care. Weeell, that's all I can think of! Thank you so much! Good luck! Bye, Ushijima!”

Hinata waved and turned to leave. Not thinking, Ushijima immediately grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back, hard.

“Accck! What the—,”

He dropped Hinata's wrist immediately. Ushijima meant to apologize for using too much force, but instead he placed both of his hands on Hinata's shoulders and stated, “Hinata. I don't know how to take care of a dog.”

He felt Hinata's shoulders relax. “Oh! It's okay! There's lots of info online and—,”

Ushijima shook his head, and then made sure he was making eye contact with Hinata before speaking again. “I'm not skilled with technology. I learn better in person. Teach me how to be a good owner. Please.”

Hinata froze in place, his face flushing. “M—me?”

“Yeah.” Ushijima said, taking one hand off Hinata's shoulder and slipping it into his jacket pocket. As he pressed his phone into Hinata's hand and released him completely, he felt his palms start to sweat. He needed this to work. “Add your number to my phone so I can contact you for information.”

Ushijima wondered if he was supposed to say 'please' again, but Hinata obediently typed his number in, growing redder by the second. He typed quickly and thrusted the phone back into Ushijima’s hands. “Uhmm, I should go back to work now!”

Ushijima nodded. He wanted to keep Hinata there, in front of him, but his better instinct told him he’d spent as much time with Hinata as he could for the moment. “Thank you for your time. I’ll contact you soon.” 

He turned and walked back to his car before Hinata could react. A feeling of unease was present in his chest again; it used to be a foreign feeling but Ushijima was growing used to feeling it around Hinata. As he drove away, he replayed their interaction in his head. What kind of impression did he leave in Hinata’s mind? Adopting the dog (which continued to whimper in his crate) had seemed to gain Hinata’s favor, and yet he had still been bright red and reluctant when Ushijima asked for his number. Ushijima pondered what about his actions he should have done differently. From there his mind drifted to the fact that he now had Hinata’s number...but what did he do with it? Was it social protocol to message someone only three days after receiving their contact information? Or was it three hours?

The drive home was short. Ushijima carefully collared the dog and leashed it, intending to walk it up to his apartment. He placed the dog on the sidewalk but even with gentle prodding, it didn't seem to want to move. Sighing, Ushijima gently picked it up and held it to his chest, reminded for a second of how he carried intoxicated Hinata. After carrying the dog up to his complex’s stairs and unlocking the door to his apartment, the first thing he saw when he went in was his roommate. Tendou was sitting cross legged on their kitchen counter, eating a bag of strawberry sugar candies.

“Heeey, Ushijiwaka’s back. Did y—What. Is. That.”

Ushijima blinked, looking from a suddenly pale Tendou to the trembling dog in his arms. 

    “Is that a rhetorical question? This is obviously a dog.”

“Yeah, no, I can see that. Okay. New question: what the fuck is it doing in our apartment?” 

Ushijima frowned. Tendou did not seem to be taking this news well. He did understand, a pet was a large change to adjust to and Ushijima knew that as roommates, they were supposed to discuss large changes first. There were special circumstances though, and it was already done. 

“If it helps you accept this, you can name it.”

Unfortunately, the gesture did not seem to help at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't adopt a dog on impulse to impress your crush, guys. It's not a good plan. *tries to muffle the sound of barking in the background*


	5. The Heart Is An Organ Best Left Unsold

** To Hinata: **

_ Hello. This is Ushijima Wakatoshi. _

It was early Saturday morning almost a week after Ushijima had adopted the dog when Ushijima messaged Hinata. True to Hinata’s words, the dog had warmed up to them, and was now comfortable enough to destroy everything in sight. Surprisingly, Ushijima was pleased instead of annoyed. It gave him a good excuse to contact Hinata. 

He received a reply a few minutes later.

** From Hinata: **

_ hi! _

Ushijima hadn't expected a response back so quickly, especially since Hinata was unable to hear his phone go off. He hesitated, typing a few characters in only to delete them just as soon. His jaw tightened. Why was he feeling the unease he experienced in Hinata’s presence when Hinata wasn't even physically there? _Will I ever behave like myself again?_ After a few minutes of typing in characters and then quickly deleting them, he forced himself to reply although he still wasn't happy with his message.

** To Hinata: **

_ The dog has gotten used to this environment but is now uncontrollable. Please help me with his care. _

For emphasis, Ushijima also attached a picture of Uzai (who’d eventually been named by Tendou) destroying one of Ushijima’s pillows. Feathers speckled almost every inch of the picture, so much so that the dog was almost hard to see.

Hinata, based off his text messages, found this very amusing. After messaging back and forth for a few more minutes, Hinata agreed to come to his apartment the next day to help him train the animal. Ushijima felt himself let go of a breath he didn't know he’d been holding. 

** To Hinata: **

_ Thank y _

A loud yell from the living room interrupted Ushijima. Reluctantly, he went out into the hallway to investigate. Uzai ran past him at full speed, with what looked an empty bag of Tendou’s favorite chips on his head. Tendou also ran past him, as he was chasing Uzai, but he seemed to have noticed Ushijima.

“Ushiwaka!” he yelled, chasing Uzai in circles. “I’ll never forgive you for bringing this thing into our lives!”

Ushijima almost smiled. _Ever since I met Hinata, life stopped being predictable,_ Ushijima found himself thinking. Before meeting Hinata, he would have been certain that was a bad thing, but as he pondered it in that moment, Ushijima wasn’t so certain. 

♥ ♥ ♥

Despite the fact that Hinata wouldn't be coming until ten, Ushijima still woke up even earlier than normal. He spent most of the morning cleaning, their apartment actually needing it for the first time since they moved in due to the unfortunate habits of their new pet. The rest of his morning was spent getting himself ready. He did everything carefully; Ushijima had always been a well-groomed person but that morning he felt compelled to perform his routine even more thoroughly than usually. It was also the first time he felt compelled to apply cologne. 

Out of things to do, Ushijima went back into the living room. Tendou, who was sitting on the floor trying to pry his one of shirts’ sleeves out of the dog’s mouth, looked up immediately. 

“No. Go back to the bathroom and wash _at least_ half of that off.”

Usually Ushijima ignored all of Tendou’s criticisms, but as nervous as he was, instead of replying he simply turned around and went back into his bathroom. As the water ran, Ushijima meticulous scrubbed his forearms and neck clean of the scent. At some point the dog started barking continuously from the other room. Ushijima turned the water off and dried his skin with a hand towel. _I’ve always found pets to be a nuisance,_ he thought to himself, _but I don’t find myself feeling annoyed dealing with this dog. Is it because he reminds me of Hinata?_

“…— I really can’t believe it! That’s so cool!” Hinata’s voice echoed down the hallway. The overwhelming feelings that laced Hinata’s voice flooded Ushijima’s mind. He froze in place, trying to dig his feet into the ground, as he waited for the feeling to pass. This time, it seemed like the feeling lingered even longer than normal. When it mostly faded Ushijima strode into the living room and stopped short. Hinata was already there, sitting cross-legged on their floor next to Tendou with Uzai in his lap. Hinata was clearly mesmerized by Tendou, yet another Ryujin Nippon player, and was rattling off questions faster than Tendou could answer them. The dazzled look in Hinata’s eyes bothered Ushijima. He didn’t understand why; Ushijima usually felt pleased when he saw that look in Hinata’s eyes. In that moment though, he suddenly felt itchy and restless. Before either of them noticed him, he went back to his room and found the dog’s leash. He returned to the living room.

Tendou looked up as he approached and then so did Hinata. “Oh! Ushijima! Hi! I’m knooow, I’m really early, turns out that I got the bus times mixed up, hehe.”

Ushijima knelt down and took Uzai out of Hinata’s lap, careful not to touch Hinata. “Hinata. Hello. It’s fine. Thank you for coming,” he said, clipping the leash onto the squirming dog’s bright red collar. 

“Yep! So, you wanted me to help train him, right?” he asked, standing up.

“Yes.”

“Yeah! Hinata-kun, teach that brat to stop stealing my food!” Tendou yelled from the floor. Hinata, still looking at Ushijima, didn’t hear him. 

“Not here. There are too many distractions,” Ushijima said, referring to Tendou. 

“Yeah, that’s right! It’s better to train where there’s less distractions! Where do you wanna go?”

“MR park. Let’s go by car,” Ushijima said, thinking about how distracted the animal got while being walked.

Hinata didn’t question it. “Sure!”

Ushijima lifted the dog into the air and they headed towards the door. 

“Bye, you two!” Tendou sang, heading back into the kitchen. He winked at Ushijima when their eyes met, as if to say, ‘ _good luck!’._

The car ride to MR park was silent, as Hinata couldn’t hear Ushijima unless he was facing him for an amount of time that was unacceptable to have your eyes off the road for. Ushijima didn’t mind though; he had an easier time observing Hinata now that he was alone with him. He was dressed casually, in jeans, tennis shoes, and a dark purple tee shirt that contrasted well with his hair. _Did he do that purposely? Did Hinata also put more effort into his appearance?_ When Ushijima inhaled, his eyes widened as he realized that Hinata’s normal scent was masked by the un-mistakable scent of sunscreen. He quickly turned his attention back to the road.

The spot they chose to begin training at was secluded from most of the park, surrounded by tall katsura trees in full bloom. The mid-day sun shone down on them, warming up the air to a pleasant 70 degrees and, more importantly, illuminating Hinata’s face so that his eyes sparkled when he spoke.  

“Okay! So, first things first! To train a puppy, you have to use _lots_ of positive re-enforcement! That’s why we’re going to use bacon treats, compliments, and a clicker to train!” Hinata said, pulling a plastic bag and a small silver device out of his backpack then setting it down in the grass. Uzai ran forward and attacked the bag immediately. Hinata didn’t seem to mind.  

“Clicker?”

Hinata leaned forward and pressed the small device into Ushijima’s hand. The palm of Ushijima’s hand tingled and Ushijima’s jaw tightened. “Yeah! It’s called a clicker! You don’t _have to_ have one for this to work, but it helps. Every time you give him a command and he obeys, you give him a treat and press the clicker, ‘cause that way, he starts thinking hearing the clicker means he did something right! It’s like your way of telling him, ‘ _yes, that’s right!’._ ”

“Okay.”

“So, since puppies have really short attention spans, we’re only gonna do each exercise for 5 minutes, then we’ll do something else. The first thing we’ll teach him is his name, which is important ‘cause that way he’ll respond to you. So, what did you decide to call him?”

Ushijima noted that Hinata seemed to be having fun; he was speaking slightly faster than normal.

“Uzai.”

“Huh? Uhm, I don’t think I saw that right. You named him what?”

“Uzai.”

“You…named your dog ‘Annoying’?”

“Technically, Tendou named him. But yeah.”

“You let your roommate name your dog?”

“Yeah.”

Hinata crouched down to pet Uzai. “That sucks! I don’t wanna to call him that! He’s not annoying! He soft, and fluffy, and—,”

_ I don’t care, just stop it. Stop making that face.  _ “Fine. Name him something else then.”

Hinata looked stunned, before getting excited. “Really? Can I? Okay, I wanna call him…uh, how about we call him Usagi! Is that okay?”

Ushijima shrugged. He wanted to ask Hinata why he picked ‘Rabbit’ when the animal was a dog, but after seeing that Ushijima was okay with the name, Hinata bounced up. “Alright then! Here, take these,” Hinata said, handing Ushijima the bag of treats, “and I’ll hold the leash. Then you make some kissy noises like _smeck, smeck, smeck_ and say ‘Usagi!’ and if he stops playing and looks at you, you press the clicker, give him a treat, and tell him what a good boy he is! Or something like that!”

For the first time in years, Ushijima was presented with a task that felt like it was over his head. Still, he crouched down and with a bacon dog treat in one hand and a clicker in the other, he followed Hinata’s instructions to the best of his abilities. The exercise took longer than 5 minutes. Unsurprisingly, ‘kissy noises’ were not Ushijima’s strong suit. Instead, he found it more suitable to pat his thighs repeatedly and call the dog’s name, which Hinata said was fine, but it didn’t seem to be working. The issue did not seem to be that the dog didn’t hear him. The dog would pause when Ushijima called him, but instead of looking up at him, he only hurried back to Hinata’s legs. Almost as if he was trying to hide behind them.

“Nooo, you can’t say it like that! Stop saying it meanly, he’s not looking at you because he’s scared of you! You haveta say it with love!” Hinata demanded after Ushijima’s latest attempt. 

“You don’t know the manner in which I’m speaking. You’re unable to hear my tone. You’ re just assuming things.”

“No, I’m not! Even if I can’t actually hear you, I can see tone on people’s lips! You’re talking harshly!” 

“That’s just what my mouth looks like.”

Hinata huffed. “No, it’s not! You talk softly when you talk to me! ‘Cause you put effort into it! I actually know that for sure too, because I asked Tendou-san what your voice sounded like and he said ‘like a mountain giant that eats children’ but I barely ever see that when you talk to me which means you’re putting effort in! So there! No excuses!” 

Hinata lost him somewhere near the beginning of that, but it reminded him of why he was doing this. He gritted his teeth. “Fine. I’ll try again.” He turned his attention back to the dog. _You’re doing this for Hinata, so do it properly,_ he thought to himself. He patted his thighs. “Usagi.”

The dog stopped trying to eat Hinata’s shoe for a second and looked up at Ushijima. Hinata gasped, and the broad smile that spread across his face distracted Ushijima for a moment, before he remembered to click the clicker and hold out a treat for the dog. Usagi happily bound forward and ate the treat from his palm; Ushijima patted his head while he chewed. “You did well.”

“So did you Ushijima! You did a really good job! I knew you could!”

Ushijima looked up to see Hinata’s beaming face. _Hm. Being praised immediately after completing an action in the desired way. Am I also being trained on how to be a good owner? Or is he just excited?_

They completed the exercise a few more times before moving on. “The next thing we’re going to teach him is how not to bite you! The most important thing to remember is that he doesn’t know any better, he doesn’t know that you’re getting hurt when he bites you. So, some people hold a dogs mouth shut after they get bitten, and that really hurts the dog, and they don’t know that’s _why_ you’re doing it, they just think you’re trying to hurt them for no reason, and you, uhm, look like you have really strong arms, ‘cause, well I guess that’s obvious since you have so much arm muscle, actually I think you’re probably just really strong overall…so you could really hurt Usagi if you hold his mouth shut! That’s what I’m saying, that’s all!” Hinata exclaimed. He was bright red when he finished, probably due to the fact that he did not inhale a single time while saying all that. 

“Okay. I won’t do that.”

“Good! So, instead, whenever he bites you, even if he just nibbles, you gotta say ‘Ouch!’ really loudly and walk away. Then you don’t pay attention to him for a few minutes, so he knows you’re upset. We’ll do this a few times and when he doesn’t bite you, you give him a treat and press the clicker.”

So Hinata held the leash and Ushijima held his hand out for Usagi. As Hinata predicted, Usagi licked Ushijima’s hand a few times before sinking his underdeveloped teeth into Ushijima’s palm.

“Ouch.” Ushijima said, though he barely felt it. He stood up and walked away.

“No! Not like that! Come back!”

“What is it?” Ushijima asked, returning to Hinata’s side. 

“You said ‘ouch’, but your tone didn’t even change! You have to say it different than your normal voice, otherwise he won’t know anything happened! He’ll just think you’re walking away from him. When he bites you, you gotta make your voice high-pitched and girlie.”

“Oh.” Ushijima thought for a second. “So when he bites me, I should imitate your voice?”

Hinata’s mouth fell open; he flushed bright red. “That’s not funny! Shuddaup!”

“Sorry. I meant that as a joke,” Ushijima said, wishing he knew what Hinata considered to be humorous. 

Hinata huffed. “Whatever! Let’s try that again.”

Ushijima obliged, allowing Usagi to bite him again. This time, Ushijima stood up swiftly and made a more pained sound before turning and walking away. Usagi followed him, nipping and whining at his heels, but soon Ushijima was out of his leash’s reach. He waited two minutes before re-approaching Hinata, who was beaming at him. 

“That was great! Awesome! I knew you would be such a good owner, since you’re patient and reliable and…”

Hinata rambled on. _Yes,_ Ushijima thought to himself, _I am also being trained today as well._ He supposed that if he were still his rational self, not afflicted with the soul-mate syndrome, he would find that irritating. Instead, as Hinata continued to smile as if he were the one being praised, he decided to just let himself feel pleased instead. 

 

♥ ♥ ♥

 

They didn’t stay at MR park long, but even so, Usagi had found a way to drench himself in mud not yet dried by the sun. During the “sit” exercise, a squirrel skittered up one of the trees and then suddenly Usagi was racing away. It happened so fast that Hinata didn’t react in time; the leash slipped out of his hands. By the time Ushijima and Hinata caught up to him, Usagi was already coated with mud, as well as a few other things. Hinata, after laughing hysterically, scooped Usagi up. “Guess the next thing we should teach him is “stay”, huh?”

“I think we should stop for today.”

“Oh, well yeah, of course, I meant next time.”

“Next time?” Ushijima asked, eyes widening. Did Hinata anticipating a next time mean that Ushijima was successful in getting closer to him?

Hinata blinked. “Anyways! Do you know how to give him a bath? It’s not hard but—,”

“No,” Ushijima said. That was a lie; proper grooming techniques were one of the first things he learned. In the back of his mind, Ushijima was bothered that he was lying again about not knowing how to care for his pet and destroying Hinata’s perception of him as a reliable person. The desire to stay in Hinata’s presence won out though. “Please teach me how.”

“Uwooh—sure! All my supplies are at my house though…”

Ushijima made himself inhale and exhale first before speaking, to keep himself composed. “Can we not go to your house?”

Hinata turned red again. “Well—uhhhm, sure! I guess?” Usagi barked twice and wagged his tail, as if he understood what was going on, and it was decided; they would go to Hinata’s house. 

It wasn’t what Ushijima expected. He’d parked his car near the curb, right where Hinata had told him to park, but when he got out he wasn’t standing in front of an apartment complex or a house. Instead, they stood in front of a dense row of tall hedges with a white metal gate and an archway above it dividing the hedges into two. Hinata pushed the little gate open and placed Usagi back on the ground, firmly gripping his leash this time. Ushijima looked around. They seemed to be in a mini cul-de-sac, with two rows of small houses parted with a thick strip of deep green grass and three tall, sturdy maple trees and two radiant violet Japanese myrtles. The houses themselves were all white, each with a porch and two plots of soil beneath each windowsill. While it wasn’t the traditional Japanese housing Ushijima had expected, somehow the close-knit community atmosphere that the little white houses enclosed in green gave off suited Hinata perfectly.

Hinata took them to the last house down on the left side. Unlike the other houses, this one had a bright red door and the porch as well as the plots of soil were overflowing with plants; even the beams that held up the porch roof were wrapped up in ivy. Ushijima identified all of the plant species within a glance. “Is someone in your family interested in horticulture?”

Hinata fidgeted and glanced away. “Ngghn, that’s me…I already know it’s a girlie thing so Idon’twannahearit! It’s just. My little ‘sis wanted some roses so I tried to grow them for her a few years ago. I couldn’t get roses to work but it turns out I’m actually pretty good at growing other stuff. I have a plant thumb!”

“Green thumb,” Ushijima corrected, but his mind was elsewhere. Up until that point, Ushijima only went along with the soulmate theory because he was physically compelled to. While he recognized the need to be with your soulmate, and had accepted that Hinata _was_ his soulmate, it hadn’t occurred to him until that moment that Hinata was supposed to be his perfect match in every way…and maybe he actually was. Maybe Hinata really was the one person that would understand Ushijima completely. Just thinking about it made Ushijima’s blood go cold; he realized suddenly that he had forgotten how much he resented handing over control of his emotions to someone else. He wanted to leave Hinata’s presence immediately but—

“Same thing!” Hinata said, pulling Ushijima out of his thoughts. “Okay, I’m gonna go get a basin and some special shampoo, you stay here with Usagi,” Hinata said, handing him the leash.

Ushijima, still dazed, took it from him. He watched Hinata disappear around the side of his house while he tried to regain his composure. _Untense_ , he told himself and he forced his other fist to uncurl. _Hinata doesn’t know yet. You’re still in control of what happens next._ Hinata came back out through his front door holding a large metal basin in his arms and marched out to an empty spot in the grass. When he tossed the basin on the ground something rattled inside it. Then, running up to Ushijima, he took the leash out of his hand. Their hands brushed again, and Ushijima still wasn’t used to the sensation, his jaw clenched.

“O~kay! Can you go turn on the hose?” he asked, pointing to the hose coiled up and hooked to the side of his house, “On like, medium heat, and then bring it over there?”

“Sure.” Ushijima went over to the hose and turned it on, waiting for the water to heat up before bringing it over to Hinata. He handed it to Hinata, careful not to touch him. Taking it, he rested the hose inside the basin. Next, he tried to tie Usagi’s leash to the handle of the basin, but unfortunately, Usagi tugged forward at the wrong moment and the leash slipped out of Hinata’s hands for the second time that day. Usagi raced away, barking excitedly, and Hinata jumped up. 

“Gahh! Hey! Don’t—not again!” he wailed, but then flopped back down. 

“Do you want me to…?” Ushijima asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Hinata pouted, “it’s fine. This whole thingy is enclosed, so we’ll just go get him after we’re finished filling this.”

“Okay.”

“So! To give Usagi a bath, we’re only gonna fill this about 3/4—uh wait, it’s ¼ I think? So he doesn’t drown and stuff. And then we’re gonna use this shampoo,” he said, holding up a the bottle for Ushijima to see, “ ‘cause this is the special kind that’s dog safe, and then we’re going to rinse him off and then use this,” Hinata said, reaching for a blue bottle that was slightly out of his reach. 

He repositioned himself to get a little closer but accidentally pressed his knee down onto the hose which whipped it up. A stream of water splashed Ushijima’s front before the hose slipped off the side of the basin and fell into the grass. He paused, lukewarm water dripping off his face, as he processed what happened. Hinata, on the other hand, was immediately panicked. 

“Holy crap, I’m so sorry Ushijima! That was an accident! I accidentally stepped on the hose and then it went _whoosh_ but I didn’t…”

Ushijima’s thoughts turned to how to calm Hinata down. Instinctively, his hand reached for the hose gushing water onto the grass. 

“Pleeease don’t kill me,” Hinata was rambling. Ushijima put his thumb over the hose’s nozzle to turn the steady stream of water into a light spray before pointing the nozzle at Hinata’s face. “Whaaahhhah,” he squealed, jumping back a little. 

Ushijima dropped the hose back into the basin. “There. We’re even now.”

“No! No, we aren’t! I sprayed you on accident, but you sprayed me on purpose!”

Ushijima’s brow furrowed. His attempt to calm Hinata down seemed to have worked, but now he was upset with him. “Whatever the intentions were, the results were the same.”

Hinata said nothing, but his eyes took on an intensity that Ushijima had only seen once before, when they were playing volleyball. He snatched the hose and then lunged forward, placing one hand on the edge of the basin and thrusting his other hand forward to splash Ushijima’s entire lap with water. Ushijima looked down at his wet lap, and then back up at Hinata, who was inches away from his face. His eyes were as wide as plates. Neither of them said anything for a second. Then, with no warning whatsoever, Hinata jumped up and started sprinting away, the hose still clutched in his hands. It was pure impulse, what Ushijima did next, and he knew that, but he didn’t care. He got up and started chasing Hinata. 

Ushijima gained on him quickly, but Hinata refused to give up, running around trees and zigzagging to try to throw Ushijima off. Despite the fact that it wasted oxygen, Hinata yelled the entire time he ran; almost everything he said was ineligible, but he seemed to be having fun. A few minutes later, when he seemed to be losing his breath, Ushijima sped up slightly and caught Hinata by the waist. He let go immediately after Hinata came to a stop but moved in front of him to try to pry the hose out of his hands. 

“Noooo!” Hinata whined, but instead of tightening his grip on the hose he retaliated by shoving Ushijima hard in the chest.

Under normal circumstances, Ushijima would have barely moved an inch. Unfortunately, the ground underneath his normally steady stance was drenched with water and the muddy soil beneath him slid when Hinata pushed him. Ushijima fell backwards and hit the ground with a hard _thud._ Hinata, who’s hand was still clasped around Ushijima’s, was yanked down with him and fell onto Ushijima’s chest with an _ummph._ Pain throbbed throughout Ushijima’s lower back, but Ushijima hardly noticed. Instead, he waited _one…two…three…_ seconds for Hinata to process what had just happened.

Hinata lifted his upper body up slightly, just enough to make eye contact with Ushijima, before devolving into full-fledged panic. “Ushijima! I’m sorry! So sorry! Are you okay? I really didn’t think I pushed you all that hard but then—,”

Ushijima grunted and made some reassuring statement about Hinata not even being physically strong enough to purposely do that, which provoked even more intense rambling from him, but he stopped being able to hear Hinata properly within seconds of processing the position they were in. Even Ushijima understood that their position was…suggestive. Hinata was on top of Ushijima, but unlike the night he was intoxicated, Hinata sat with his thighs spread across Ushijima’s waist and instead of hovering over him, Hinata was crouched forward mere inches away from Ushijima’s face. 

When Hinata stopped talking, he seemed to expect some kind of response from Ushijima. Not having listened, he wasn’t sure what to say. He went with, “It’s fine. It wasn’t intentional.”

That seemed to make Hinata feel a little better. “Of course not! I would never ever! But we should probably stop playing around though and…,” he trailed off.

“Yeah.”

Neither of them moved. Ushijima couldn’t tell what Hinata was thinking, but his own head was swimming. The strong peach scent of Hinata’s sunscreen mixed with the scent of soil was almost suffocating but it was nothing compared to seeing Hinata’s face so close to his. The only thing Ushijima could think of was the word soft _._ Hinata’s hair looked soft. Hinata’s face looked soft. Hinata’s lips looked _soft._ Ushijima knew that he had wanted to be in Hinata’s presence. He also knew he was attracted to Hinata. It was at that moment though, that he was overcome with the intense desire to kiss Hinata. 

He had never relied on his impulse control so much until that point. His desire to kiss Hinata felt like it would _snap_ at any moment, but even in his weakened state he wouldn’t move forward without making sure he had Hinata’s consent first. Ushijima ran through the list of non-verbal cues first. They had been there, in that position for a few seconds, but Hinata still hadn’t moved at all. His eyes were wide, his pupils dilated. Ushijima slowly moved his left hand up to Hinata’s face and cupped his cheek. _Soft,_ he thought, forgetting what he was doing for a second. Hinata turned bright red at the touch but didn’t move away. His heart started to pound as he watched Hinata become even more flushed with each passing second. Just the thought of Hinata feeling even a fraction of the same way about Ushijima that he felt about Hinata made the rest of world completely disappear. The _whoosh, whoosh, whoosh_ of the gushing hose beside their heads, the disgusting feeling of wet cotton against his skin, the fact that they were in public; none of it mattered if Hinata wanted Ushijima to kiss him too. 

He raised his chest slightly and moved closer to Hinata’s face. “Hinata,” he said, in a low voice that came from his throat, “can I—,” 

“HEY!” a raspy voice yelled. Ushijima flinched, snapping back to reality, and turned towards the voice. Hinata followed his gaze. “IS THIS YOUR DOG?”

The voice belonged to a furious looking older woman crouched in front of her mini garden. Ushijima’s eyes fell to the source of her fury, which was, in fact, his dog. Usagi may have been blind but he had an excellent sense of smell; forcing his jaw wide open was a fat radish that looked comically large in the mouth of such a small dog. 

“Oh no! Usagi! No! Bad!” Hinata yelled, scrambling off Ushijima and running towards Usagi. Between the old woman’s yelling and Hinata’s frantic attempt to pry the radish out of the dog’s mouth, Usagi caught on to what was happening and bolted. As Hinata chased Usagi and the old woman chased Hinata (“pay me recompense for the damage to my garden! Are you listening to me?”) Ushijima tried to eliminate the feeling of disappointment inside himself. _What would you have done if he’d said no? If he’d said you were abnormal and never wanted to see you again?_ Ushijima gritted his teeth, resentment welling up in his chest again. It wasn’t like him to do something so drastic and impulsive. He had always favored consistency and linear progress: mastering the first step before moving on to the second. He would not allow Hinata to change him. At least, not any more than he already had.

It took 30 minutes to settle everything. Ushijima had compensated the old woman overly graciously; they finally managed to give Usagi a bath. Hinata invited Ushijima to stay for lunch, insisting that he should be allowed to cook for Ushijima as an apology for getting all his clothes wet. Ushijima accepted without hesitation after Hinata explained that there was no one else home, as his mother was at a business conference and his little sister was visiting their grandmother.

“Oh!” Hinata said nervously, when he mentioned throwing his wet clothes in the dryer, “I forgot I don’t have anything here for you to change into. I guess I should just let you go home then?”

Ushijima blinked, struck by the way Hinata sadly said ‘let you go home’. “I don’t mind waiting until my clothes dry. But I dislike wet cotton,” Ushijima said, shrugging off his wet tee shirt. He handed it to Hinata, who looked like he had been turned to stone. A type of stone that was really red. Red Jasper, maybe?

“Y—you’re give this to me because…?”

“To put in the dryer?”

“Oh! Right! Ehehehe, sorry!” Not making eye contact with Ushijima at all, he snatched the shirt out of his hands and disappeared. 

_ Was I the one that behaved weirdly in that situation or was it him? _ Ushijima wondered as he sat on the towel Hinata had laid over the couch for him. Usagi, tired out from all the radish stealing and bath taking, was curled up on the cushion next to him. A few minutes later Hinata came back with lunch (burnt grilled cheese sandwiches) which Hinata ate at an inhumane speed and Ushijima ate mostly out of social protocol. And then, after that they just...talked. Well, Hinata talked; Ushijima mostly listened. 

It was weird to Ushijima, sitting idly and having a conversation about pointless things with no designated end. It was weird, but it was even weirder to Ushijima that he didn't hate it. He tried to recall the last time he’d held a conversation for that long simply because he wanted to. Nothing came to mind. 

When Hinata paused to breathe, Ushijima took the opportunity to change the subject. “Hinata. How do you plan on getting recruited by Ryujin Nippon?”

Hinata froze, his face falling. “I’m...not sure yet. I’ll figure it out though! I just, I figured I’d work on my receives first and then, uhm…”

“I can help you,” he stated uncomfortably. He didn’t want to offer his assistance in the way he was going to, but he couldn’t think of anything else that would give them a reason to see each other regularly. 

And just like that, Hinata’s face lit up again. Before Hinata could speak, Ushijima continued. “I could help you refine your technique. After it’s perfect, I could have my coach watch you.”

Hinata looked like he wasn't breathing anymore. “Ussshijiiimaaa! That’s—you’re so— I don’t even—,”

He gripped the fabric of his khakis and his knuckles went white as he willed himself to say the next part. “But not for free.” 

Hinata’s heart sank into his shoes; Ushijima could see it on his face. “Uwwoh. That’s, uhm, I do understand but I don't have money or anything…,”

“I don't want money. It will be easy for you. You don't have to do anything.”

“Then what…?”

“It’s easier to show you. I’m going to cover your eyes for a second,” Ushijima said, shifting so close to Hinata their knees were almost touching. He slowly reached for Hinata’s face.

Hinata squeaked and caught his arm in mid-air. “Mmmph! Uhm! My organs! Probably wouldn't sell for that much! I mean, I drink soda almost every day, and every Saturday I have rocky road ice cream for breakfast so—,”

Ushijima paused, and wondered if he’d ever be able to predict Hinata’s thought process. How did his mind immediately jump to ‘organ selling’? “Hinata. I’m not going to hurt you. If you don't like it, then I won't do it.”

Hinata thought about it for a minute; Ushijima’s palms started to sweat. He did not have a backup plan if Hinata said no. Biting his lip, he nodded his head after a few more seconds. “O—okay, I’ll…see what it is first before saying yes or no.”

“Fine. Close your eyes.”

Obediently, Hinata closed his eyes. Ushijima still covered both of his eyes with his palm anyways and brushed Hinata’s bangs to the side with his other hand. He took a deep breath. Persistence and consistency. That’s what it would take to win Hinata over. Taking another deep breath, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto the part of Hinata’s forehead not covered by Ushijima’s hand. His skin was warm, almost feverish, and soft underneath Ushijima's lips. _One...two...three..._ Ushijima counted in his head. Then he backed away quickly and dropped his hand. 

After a few seconds of Hinata looking stunned, Ushijima broke the silence. “I told you it wouldn’t hurt. You got to keep all of your organs.” 

Hinata blinked. “That's— that's all?” he asked, despite flushing scarlet.

“Yeah. That's all.”

“All I have to do is let you, uhm...every time we train I just need to…,” Hinata stammered.

“Yes. That's all,” Ushijima said quickly, worried that Hinata would realize how bizarre the proposition was if he finished the sentence.

“In that case, okay! We have a deal! I’m excited” Hinata said, beaming at Ushijima.

Ushijima swallowed. Persistence and consistency. Calmness and control. As long as he remained himself, everything would fall into place.  


	6. Few Breaks Worse Than A Heartbreak

Hinata and Ushijima quickly fell into a routine. On Thursdays, one of Ushijima’s days off, Ushijima would pick Hinata up after his work and they would train for 3 hours, and on Sundays when they were both off, he’d pick him up at his house and they’d train for 4. Their training was grueling; soulmate or not, Ushijima was a strict and unforgiving coach. He especially made Hinata work hard for praise, only giving Hinata a nod of approval or a compliment when they had had a nearly flawless practice. Still, any praise Ushijima gave him seemed to make Hinata ridiculously giddy. Soon it started to feel like gaining Ushijima's approval was just as important to Hinata as executing his plays correctly. Seeing Hinata change in that way...it made Ushijima feel more connected to Hinata. 

Another routine Hinata quickly adapted to was their 'payment' routine. When they had first started training, Hinata's mind was always wiped clean after a grueling practice and he needed to be reminded about their agreement. After about two weeks, Hinata started to remember on his own and immediately ran back to his bag to wipe the sweat of his face in preparation for Ushijima's forehead kisses. Within a month, if it seemed like Ushijima had forgotten their arrangement, Hinata would remind him, wearing an expression that conveyed anticipation mixed with something else Ushijima couldn't read. Finally, within two months, Ushijima stopped feeling the need to cover Hinata's eyes when he pressed kisses to his forehead. Hinata always approached him first about it, always wearing a look of expectation and excitement before Ushijima kissed him, and he always wore a look of satisfaction after Ushijima kissed him. It made Ushijima wonder if he could start giving Hinata real kisses soon. 

It was going well. Every practice they had together Ushijima made sure to learn something new about Hinata. He had a little sister. Volleyball was his favorite thing, but he liked food, anime, animals and plants a lot too. Yellow was his favorite color. It was going well. As Ushijima learned more, and as Hinata seemed to want to be closer to him too, Ushijima felt an emotion he didn't recognize more frequently; an emotion that coincided with the words ' _not enough'._ No matter how long they spent together, it never felt like enough. Ushijima wanted to be in Hinata's presence more. He wanted to hear him speak more. He wanted to touch him more. Ushijima shook these feelings off. Those things would come soon enough, as long as he stayed patient. Every time he felt close to losing his composure, he reminded himself, ' _things are going well'._

_ _ It was a sunny Sunday morning in late May when things stopped going well. The spring air that morning was unusually thick with heat and heavy with the sound of every fan in the house turned on to max speed as Ushijima went through his usual morning routine. Covered with a sheen of sweat only 5 minutes after a cold shower, he finished getting ready and was almost out the door when he heard his cellphone go off. 

**From Hinata:**

** ** _ i'm so sorry to cancel last minute :'(  i can't practice today, i have to run errands w my mom :( :( :( _

Ushijima stopped in his tracks. It was a reasonable reason to cancel. There would be other practice dates with Hinata. Despite this logic, he still felt absurdly disappointed. Hooking his keys back onto their wall holder, he went into the kitchen. Tendou was still there, not having moved from breakfast, with his head down on the table and one of the mini fans angled directly at his head. Usagi was there too, lapping up water from his dish. It looked as though Tendou had put one of the mini fans in front of Usagi's food and water bowls. 

“What are you still doing here? Don't you have a da~te today?” Tendou sang, lifting his head up when he heard Ushijima enter the kitchen. Though he maintained his creepily cheerful demeanor, his face looked as red as his blood colored hair.

“No. He canceled,” Ushijima grunted, throwing open the kitchen door. He didn't know what he was looking for. He just felt restless.

“Oh? He finally got sick of you, huh? Breaking up in a text, that's so—,” Tendou said, but stopped short when Ushijima slammed the fridge door shut. “Hey, I was just kidding, y'know? The kid adores you, and—,”

Everything was irritating Ushijima. The heat. Tendou's voice. The constant _whhhir_ of the fans. “I'm going grocery shopping,” he said suddenly. 

“You went grocery shopping on Friday?”

“I forgot to buy anko,” Ushijima said, heading towards the door. 

“But you never even use anko—,” Tendou called out after him, but Ushijima had already slammed the door behind himself. 

It wasn't any cooler outside. The sun enveloped every inch of Ushijima, as if his sunscreen was cooking oil and he was being cooked alive. Without the presence of fans, the humidity was so dense it almost felt like it was choking Ushijima. Despite an adequate store being only a few blocks from his house, Ushijima decided to drive to a much larger store in the Kanagawa prefecture. It was partly due to wanting to stay in his air-conditioned car longer, but mostly it was because Ushijima didn't feel like being at home on a day where he was supposed to be out with Hinata. 

Thirty minutes later he had parked in an underground garage and found himself wandering the aisles of a grocery store. Of course, Tendou was right and though he made sure to inspect all of the stock thoroughly, there was nothing he needed. Ushijima was determined though, and settled on buying a new toy for Usagi, koala bear shaped cookies for Hinata, shrimp chips for Tendou, as they had yet to break Usagi out of the habit of stealing Tendou's food, and a romance novel for Ushijima. Acknowledging that he didn't know how to handle his situation with Hinata, he had taken to reading them over the past few months, trying to find ideas on how to proceed. So far, they had not been helpful. 

After making his purchases, Ushijima checked his watched. Only ten minutes had passed. Not ready to go home yet, he walked a few blocks to Kawa street. Even on such a disgustingly hot day, Kawa street was packed with people. Ushijima wasn't sure what he expected; the street was a popular tourist destination. This was because the whole street was lined with cute shops that sold antiques, merchandise, and authentic Japanese food, and the sidewalks themselves were dotted with traditional cherry blossom trees well maintenanced by the city. Furthermore, Kawa street was broken up by several cobblestone staircases that lead down to Yuhodo street, a boardwalk type structure that supported many vendors and overlooked the Tsurumi river. Standing at the apex of the Kawa street sidewalk and looking out over a sea of people, Ushijima knew immediately that he'd made a mistake. Just thinking about trying to maneuver through such a thick crowd made him nauseous.  

Ushijima turned to leave, once again wishing that he was at a quiet park with Hinata, but something caught his eye. A flash of the color orange. Bright, blinding orange. He turned back towards the mass of people and searched the crowd, telling himself that whatever he saw probably wasn't Hinata. Then, interrupting his thoughts, that same flash of orange caught his eye. Hidden behind a sales person attempting to sell walking tours to tourists, that small sliver of bright orange hair seemed to sway and bob. His dislike for crowds suddenly taking a backseat to his desire to get closer, Ushijima strode through the maze of people as quickly as he could. As he approached the tourist booth, he saw more of what was behind it: a small Western styled cafe with a few outdoor tables. At the last second, it occurred to Ushijima that if that messy orange head of hair did belong to Hinata, then he was probably out with his mother, getting something to eat. He came to a halt. Hinata's mom. He was going to meet Hinata's mom. Ushijima’s heart started to beat hard enough to be audible, but he ignored it. Instead, he focused on calming his breathing, then on trying to wipe some of the sweat off his face, and then on combing his fingers through his hair to make sure it was neat. It would be bad if he intimidated her, he told himself. It was important to present himself as a good influence on Hinata. 

Slowly, attempting to look casual, Ushijima walked past the tourist tour booth and almost immediately found himself at the black iron table Hinata sat at with his companion. His companion looked up first, and then so did Hinata, who of course did not hear Ushijima approach. 

“H-hello?” his female companion said, looking up at him shyly. 

“Ushijima!” Hinata said, jumping up in surprise. 

But Ushijima himself said nothing. His eyes were fixed on the girl Hinata was with. She looked to be about 4’10, and 19-20 years in age. She had shoulder length blonde hair partially swept up in a side-ponytail, pale skin, and wide golden-brown eyes. It was not possible for her to be Hinata's mother. Next, Ushijima's eyes swept across their small table of iron lace to confirm what he already knew. On it, there were two decadent coffee drinks topped with whipped cream and drizzled with chocolate, as well as a slice of western cake for Hinata, and a croissant for the girl. Suddenly, Tendou's voice rang in his head, ‘ _Don't you have a da~te today_?’. No, Ushijima had not had a date planned that day. But Hinata did. 

Ushijima felt like he'd stopped breathing. Like his entire throat was closing in on itself. Ushijima knew. He knew he had no right to feel betrayed, or angry, or upset, or any other of the emotions he felt. Hinata didn't know they were soulmates. He didn't even know how Ushijima felt. He owed him nothing. 

Unfortunately, these rational thoughts were drowned out by the boiling blood rushing to Ushijima's face. He thought his feelings were slowly being returned. Ushijima thought that eventually...but instead he felt like he was witnessing months’ worth of hard work go down the drain. For the first time all his patience, his restraint, his effort…it had all amounted to nothing. His head was swimming. He felt like something inside him was crashing down, but he wasn't sure what. _Hot._ That was all Ushijima could focus on. _It's so hot._

“Ushijima! Uhm, okay, I know I said was—,” Hinata stammered.

Ushijima was snapped back into reality by the sound of Hinata's flustered voice, but his rational thought hadn't come back with him. Instead, Ushijima was propelled forward only by the force of the scalding hot blood still rushing thorough him. He lurched forward and grabbed Hinata by the arm; Hinata yelped in surprise. Ushijima didn't even hear him. “I need to speak with Hinata,” he spat at the girl. He didn't wait for her reply before dragging him away. 

Behind him, Hinata was stumbling over a string of incoherent sentences fragments, trying hard to get Ushijima's attention, but he could hardly hear Hinata at all. Moving on instinct, he was looking for a place to take him, somewhere where they could be alone. He didn't know what he would do when they got there. He didn't know what would happen afterwards. Instead, the emotion Ushijima had never felt before, the one elicited by seeing Hinata on a date, continued to consume him. It didn't fade like it should have the father they got from the girl at the cafe. If anything, Ushijima's blood continued to boil hotter and hotter as the reality of what had happened continued to sink in. 

After having dragged Hinata down half a block, Ushijima finally saw what he was subconsciously looking for: a narrow alley in between two buildings. He turned sharply and pulled Hinata into the secluded alley way, and dropped his iron grip on his arm, choosing to instead slam his hand down on the cool stone wall next to Hinata’s face. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, wanting to pour some of his anger all over Hinata, but...no words would come. There was a knot in his throat. His body was raging so hard with the scalding hot mystery emotion that he felt ready to burst, but the emotions he could identify, the anger, the betrayal, the hurt, they were stopping his voice like a dam holding back water. 

Hinata spoke first. “Ushijima, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to lie and cancel I promise! You're not wasting your time! I'm taking practice seriously! Really! It’s just this one time that—,”

Ushijima didn't care about practice, but it was something that Hinata would think Ushijima had a legitimate reason to be mad about, so he threw his anger behind that. “Do you of our training sessions as this unimportant? This is for your benefit, and yet—,” he said, his voice heavy with anger.

“No! It's not like that! I promise! Please hold on a second and listen to me! Just one second and I can explain!” Hinata yelled back.

Ushijima gritted his teeth. What difference did it make? He picked a date with a girl over Ushijima. No excuse could un-do the feeling coursing through Ushijima. Still, he didn't know what else to say. “Fine. Explain yourself,” he spat. 

Hinata breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay. Thank you. But…uhm, can we not talk here? It's dark, I can't see your lips that well so—,”

As he said this, he took a small step forward and turned slightly, trying to head towards the sunlight. Ushijima knew that was a reasonable request from a deaf person that read lips. He even knew that even if Hinata wasn’t deaf, it was reasonable to ask to not have a conversation in a dark, ominous alley. Still, his mind didn't register those facts. Instead, all he saw in his mind was Hinata, turning away from him. Hinata, going back onto the street. Hinata, going back to that girl. 

In an instant he had grabbed Hinata's shoulders and pinned him back up against the wall. “No! Who is she! Why is she more important to you than I am? Why?” he yelled at Hinata, his emotions finally boiling over.

He had gotten to say what he wanted to, but it didn't make him feel any better. That horrible, burning emotion was still writhing inside him, even though he had just spilled it all over Hinata. Hinata, on the other hand, seemed shaken. He said nothing. He didn't move at all. Hinata just looked at him, eyes wide with what looked like fear. Fear...that wasn't right. Hinata couldn't hear the tone or volume Ushijima was speaking with, so why was he afraid? Ushijima's eyes immediately fell to his own hands, which were digging into Hinata's shoulders. He had Hinata pinned up against the wall, which he assumed was also digging into his back, and as he yelled he towered over Hinata, his own face an inch away from his. 

Ushijima dropped Hinata's shoulders immediately. Given the summer heat, Hinata had elected to wear a blue tank top; the absence of sleeves allowed Ushijima to see the angry red marks on Hinata's arms where Ushijima's hands had been. His eyes widened. No. That's not what he wanted. He never wanted to hurt Hinata. Ushijima stumbled backward as all the emotions swimming in his head became tainted with regret. He needed to get away from Hinata. Immediately.

Without a word to him, Ushijima turned and exited the alley. His sudden re-entrance into the sunlight stunned him for a few seconds, but he took a few steps forward regardless. Ushijima's head throbbed, and his heart pounded as he thought about getting away from Hinata quickly. Where had he parked his car? To the right? Left? Hinata also recovered from his shock quickly and followed Ushijima out of the alley. 

“Wait!” he cried, grabbing Ushijima by the forearm. 

Ushijima pivoted around and tore himself out of Hinata's grasp. 

“Ushijima, I—,” Hinata started.

“Hinata Shouyo. Stay away from me. Don't speak to me. Don't come near me,” Ushijima commanded. There was no real anger in his voice, only regret and fear, but thankfully Hinata couldn't hear that.

The words seemed to wash over Hinata. He stood frozen in his place, watching Ushijima with huge, hurt eyes. Ushijima watched as they took on a glassy quality and realized at the last second that Hinata was about to cry. He turned around quickly, not knowing what he would do if Hinata cried in front of him. Shaking the image from his mind, he quickly continued down the side walk. _Faster,_ he thought to himself, _I have to get away from him faster._

“H—hold on!” Hinata hiccupped behind him. 

Ushijima grunted, not having to look behind him to know that Hinata was following him. _It doesn't matter,_ Ushijima thought, _I'll lose him in this crowd._ Determined, Ushijima moved through the crowd easily, as it took only a glance at Ushijima's face to compel others to move out of his way. After a few seconds, Ushijima was sure he'd lost Hinata, but when he looked back, Hinata was still close behind him. While he didn't have Ushijima's intimidating aurora, he was small and slender, which made slipping through a crowd somewhat easier. Ushijima gritted his teeth. His eyes swept over his surroundings as he kept moving, looking for a different plan. It only took a second to find what he was looking for: on the other side of the street was the mouth of one of the staircases that led down to Yuhodo street. Yuhodo street was even more packed than Kawa street; Ushijima had no doubt he'd lose Hinata there. 

Ignoring Hinata's persistent pleas for him to stop, Ushijima crossed the street at the crosswalk and descended down the staircase as fast as he safely could. As he reached the bottom step, he felt confident that he’d lost Hinata, but that feeling only lasted for a second.  

“Hey! Ushijima! C'mon, please—,” came Hinata's unique voice from the top of the staircase.

Ushijima glanced up, genuinely surprised to see Hinata there. _He must have ran,_ Ushijima thought. For a mere second, Ushijima felt pleased that Hinata was willing to chase him that far, but that feeling was immediately overtaken by the other emotions pulling Ushijima away from Hinata. He tore his eyes away from him and took a few steps forward, intending to join the massive flow of people on Yuhodo street. 

He had barely moved at all though, before he was turning back towards the staircase in a panic. The image of Hinata at the top hadn't left his mind, and it took him all of three seconds to realize that Hinata was standing straight in the middle, near neither of the rails. Ushijima raced back to the bottom of the stairs, his thoughts a frenzy of ‘ _even Hinata_ — _he has to_ — _he must know better than to_ —’. Hinata was half way down the stairs when Ushijima got there, and just as Ushijima had feared, Hinata either didn't know better or didn't care. He took the stairs two by two with the speed that he approached so many tasks with and his hands stretched out on either side of him but not holding either rail. 

“Hinata! The rail! You—,” he yelled.

But Hinata wasn't looking at him, he was looking straight down at the stairs. By the time Ushijima remembered that Hinata couldn't hear him and started ascending the stairs to stop Hinata, it was already too late. 

Ushijima didn't see it happen. One second Hinata was standing upright, heading down the stairs, and then one second, he was not. Instead of seeing it, Ushijima heard it. 

_CRACK!_

The sound was deafening. That one sole sound drowned out everything; the hum of the collective chatter around them, the ever-present sound of cars whizzing by, even the sound of Hinata crying out as the stairs disappeared beneath him. None of it was a match for that sound. The second Ushijima heard it, it was like the whole world stopped. 

_CRACK!_ It was the worst sound Ushijima had ever heard. As everything else seemed to fade away, the last coherent thing Ushijima remembered thinking was ' _...and everything was going well...'._     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now, but I plan to have the rest of the chapters up within the next few days! I hope to see you then!


	7. Love Is About Earning Forgiveness

           Time began to move excruciatingly slow after Hinata broke his ankle. The ambulance seemed to take hours and it felt like Ushijima was in the waiting room for days, only to be told he would have to come back tomorrow. Team practice the next day felt like it lasted Ushijima's entire life time. As each hour _tick, tick, ticked_ by, all Ushijima could think about was Hinata's wellbeing. Whether he was in pain, physically and emotionally.

            When Ushijima finally found himself in front of hospital room 204, the unexpected happened. Time stopped completely. Despite Ushijima's consuming need to see with his own eyes that Hinata was alright, he froze in his place when he approached the blue metal door. Up until that point, he had thought only of Hinata's wellbeing, but when he was finally able to see him face to face, those thoughts were overridden by something else. _What...will our relationship be like now?_ The weight of what he had done suddenly came crashing down on him. Hinata had broken his ankle chasing after him. Ushijima shouldn't have even been there that day, and if he hadn't nothing would have happened. Did Hinata want to see him? If he saw Ushijima, would he rightfully blame him for the destruction of everything they had worked so hard for? And if he did, would it mean the last time Ushijima saw Hinata?

            As Ushijima stood frozen outside of Hinata's hospital room, willing himself to move forward, he tried to remind himself that Hinata Shouyo was unpredictable. Every time Ushijima thought he'd metaphorically 'turn left', Hinata always surprised him and 'turned right'. The thought of it being _the last time_ repeated over and over in his head though, cementing him in his place. Rationally, he knew it was a likely possibility; Hinata didn't know they were soulmates after all. He had every right to never want to see Ushijima again. Even so, Ushijima couldn't get his mind around it. Standing in front of a hospital room that Ushijima had put Hinata in, he realized that none of his other emotions mattered. The burning feeling from the previous day, the desire to kiss him, the want for Hinata to prioritize him…he was willing to let all of those emotions go and play out the role that Hinata had given him in his own mind, just as long as it wasn't the _last time._

            Ushijima stood still for a few more seconds, before reverting back to his rational self. Whether or not Hinata didn't want to see him anymore wouldn't change if Ushijima visited now or later, so he decided he may as well see him. He knocked twice out of habit, before remembering Hinata couldn't hear it. Still hoping to give him some indication that someone was entering, Ushijima opened the door slowly, as his heart rate starting to accelerate. When he had finally entered the room, his eyes found Hinata immediately. Or rather, they found the tufts of bright orange hair sticking out from underneath the hospital bed's covers. Ushijima quietly closed the door behind himself and approached the bed to verify that yes, splayed out across the stiff beige bed with the covers pulled up past his eyes, Hinata was fast asleep. Ushijima was struck with a mix of disappointment and relief. He shook his head at himself. No, those feelings didn't matter. All that mattered was that Hinata was okay. Physically, at least.

Though reluctant, Ushijima turned to leave, as there was nothing left for him to do, but as he turned his eyes landed on the table beside Hinata's bed. It was overflowing with flowers from loved ones; there were bouquets of yellow roses, daffodils, marigolds, a single sunflower that looked like it had been ripped right out of the ground, and a package of blueberry marshmallow chewy candies from someone that must have known him really well. Despite the grim situation, Ushijima smiled slightly to himself. He was comforted to see that Hinata was so well loved.    Ushijima paused for a second, then looked down at his right hand, suddenly reminded that he'd also brought flowers for Hinata. Clutched tightly in his sweating hand was a bunch of light pink peonies tied together with a white bow. Laying them on the table with the others, Ushijima observed how foreign the delicate blossoms looked among a sea of bright yellow. He had only bought them because it was protocol to bring flowers to people in the hospital, and because the woman at the flower shop told him that peonies meant 'get well soon', but after laying the flowers down, Ushijima could only focus on how the big fluffy flowers didn't suit Hinata at all.

            Unsatisfied, Ushijima turned to leave. With his hand on the door handle, he glanced around the hospital room one last time. To the right of Hinata's bed was a medical machine of some sort (thankfully not hooked up to Hinata) and on the left side there were three plastic blue chairs lined up against the wall. Next to the chairs there was a small door that Ushijima assumed led to the bathroom and mounted on the wall facing Hinata there was a small black T.V turned on to sports. Aside from that, there was nothing else but the sterile white walls and abrasive fluorescent lights. Ushijima pointlessly wondered if Hinata was comfortable there. Probably not.

            The suffocating feeling of guilt seemed to expand even more in his chest. He pushed the door open, once again needlessly slow, and went to leave but stopped as something heavy hit the ground behind him with a hard _thump._

“Wait!” Hinata's hoarse voice cried out.

            The usual flood of pleasant emotions triggered by Hinata's voice was drowned out by the feeling of panic when Ushijima turned around and saw Hinata on his hands and knees. He was looking up at Ushijima nervously, but Ushijima wasn't looking at his face at all. Instead, his focus was on Hinata's left ankle, which was encased in a thick blue and gray cast and jutting away from his body at an odd angle.

            “Hinata,” Ushijima said, matching Hinata's hoarse tone before he lurched forward and knelt down. His hands surged forward to pick Hinata up, but he stopped short, remembering from his first aid sessions that an injured person should be moved as little as possible. “Are you hurt? Remain still, I'll go get help,” he said instead.

            “It’sokay!” Hinata said, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt, “Don't! I'm fine! I didn't hurt my ankle or anything, I just forgot that I can't stand up yet. And look! I fell on the covers and everything!” Hinata said, patting the covers he'd apparently pulled down with him.

            “Only a professional can properly make that assessment. Just remain still and wait,” Ushijima said, pulling his sleeve out of Hinata's hand and standing up.

            “Oi! Just listen to me! I'm telling you, I did this the other day trying to go to the toliet, and I called the nurse and he said it's fine! I can't do anything in this cast, see?” Hinata said, lifting his leg and hitting the cast against the floor a few times. “It doesn't hurt at all! I actually can't even feel it.”

            Ushijima cringed. His better senses still told him to get a doctor, but he was swayed by the phrase ‘ _just listen to me!’_ If he had listened to Hinata the previous day, then they wouldn't have been in a hospital. “Okay. Fine. Just. Stop doing that,” Ushijima said.

            “Okay! Help me up?”

            Ushijima said nothing but stepped forward and scooped Hinata and his covers up in one smooth motion. He gently placed Hinata back on the stiff hospital bed and then quickly took a step back, as if he was allergic to being too close to him. “Why did you fall? Is the bed unstable?” Ushijima asked when Hinata had settled in.

            “No, it wasn't that. I, uhm, I woke up right when you were leaving so I tried to stop you, but I forgot I have to do that slow now, hehehe,” Hinata said quickly.  

            Ushijima said nothing, standing completely still as he tried to process what Hinata just said. _Tried to stop you_? Hinata didn't want him to leave?

            “Uhm! Hey! I can explain what happened the other day, so please don't be mad and just hear me out, okay? So it's not what it looked like at all, 'cause—,”

            Nothing Hinata was saying was making any sense. Why did he sound nervous? He had done nothing wrong but Ushijima had—didn't that mean Hinata’s tone was supposed to be angry?

            “Hinata,” he interrupted, “you don't owe me an explanation.”

            That appeared to be the wrong thing to say, because Hinata looked like someone splashed him in the face with cold water. “Yes I—just hold on! Just listen okay? You won't be mad anymore if you just listen for a sec!”

            Ushijima paused for a second, confused. “I'm not mad. You did nothing wrong.”

            Hinata crossed his arms. “You were really mad yesterday though! And you look mad now! So just listen to what happened, then stop being mad at me!”

            Ushijima's brow furrowed as he wondered what kind of expression he was making. He wanted to clear up their misunderstanding about who should be feeling what first before listening to 'what really happened' but he felt he owed it to Hinata to listen to him.

            “Okay,” he said, turning towards the row of plastic blue chairs that looked like they'd break under his weight.

            Hinata grabbed his arm. “Hey! Where—where are you going?”

            Ushijima barely felt his hand on his arm; he was too focused on the miserable look on Hinata's face and his voice that sounded like he was going to cry. “To get a chair. So I can listen.”

            “Oh!” Hinata said, relieved. “I didn't see you say that! It's okay though, just sit here,” Hinata said, moving over on the bed.

            Ushijima eyed the narrow bed skeptically but did as Hinata asked. The bed creaked out from underneath him and when he was fully settled, their arms were almost touching. He turned to Hinata. “I'm listening.”

            Hinata nodded a few times with wide eyes. “Okay, thanks! So, I know—I know that it looked like a date butitwasn'tadatethough! Yachi-san is just a friend of mine! And! And! It wasn't like I think friends are more important than practicing with you, 'cause I would never feel like that! But the problem is it's hard to see Yachi-san 'cause she's really busy with her ad company so when she said she wanted to know how I was doing and she could see me on Sunday I really didn't want to cancel, okay? But I owe Yachi-san a whole bunch because—,” Hinata said, barely breathing throughout his explanation. Then he stopped suddenly, looking at Ushijima with one of the few emotions Ushijima could recognize easily: hesitation. Specifically, the hesitation felt when deciding whether or not to trust someone with something personal or important. He said nothing to prompt Hinata into continuing and instead tried to make sure the expression on his face was non-intimidating.

            After a few seconds, Hinata continued. “ …well, it's because I...didn't always used to be deaf. I could hear up until I was seven. And then I—and then I stopped being able to hear so well, and I was dizzy sometimes but tired all the time so my parents took me to the hospital. And I had, uhm, tumors. In my head. They had a really long name and apparently people usually don't get them, but I did. So they had to do surgery to take them out, and I was fine afterwards but...I couldn't hear at all anymore,” Hinata said. He paused, taking a shaky breath. Ushijima was overcome with the urge to comfort him, but after thinking about the possible gestures he could make, he decided it was best to wait patiently for Hinata to continue.

            “Then, uhm, everything was going okay, except when I was 18 the tumors came back. The doctors said they weren’t supposed to do that after 10 years, but they did. They couldn't just do a surgery again though, they said it was more complicated this time. So I had to be in the hospital all year.”

            “That’s the reason you weren’t recruited in your senior year,” Ushijima said, thinking out loud. It occurred to him a second later that it was an appropriate moment to say that, but Hinata only nodded sadly in agreement.

            “I couldn't play all year. I almost failed high school too, ‘cause I missed so many school days when I was in the hospital but Yachi-san is the reason I didn't. She took notes for all my classes and brought my homework and helped me study and convinced my teachers to let me do make up tests,” he inhaled sharply, “so I owe her tons. She just wanted to know how I am. I promise,” Hinata said, with huge, pleading eyes.

           Ushijima took everything in slowly. He was long past feeling that hot, raging feeling and instead felt a mix of sadness for Hinata, remorse for his own actions, and something gentle that came from Hinata trusting him with that part of his life.

 

            Ushijima took a second to figure out what to say. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yesterday. I’m sorry you had cancer. Twice. I’m not mad at you. I wasn't mad yesterday. Yesterday I reacted like that because you’re my s—because I feel strongly towards you. I thought you also felt strongly towards me. When I thought I was mistaken, my emotions resulted in my irrational behavior. It will never happen again.”

 

            Hinata’s mouth fell open and suddenly his arms were wrapped around Ushijima’s chest. “Whaaahhh, Ushijima! I’m sorry! You weren't wrong though! I do feel strongly about you; practicing with you is my favorite part of the week! And—and! I have the most fun with you, and—,”

 

            Ushijima swallowed, feeling like he’d get the wrong idea if he let Hinata go on. He pulled Hinata off him. “Okay, enough. I get it.”

 

            Hinata beamed up at him. “I’m really grateful you came to visit me! I didn't think you would but you did—you also brought flowers! Cool! At least, I think those are yours?” Hinata said, his eyes glancing over to the bundle of soft pink flowers.

 

            “They are. They’re peonies. They mean ‘get well soon’,” he said stiffly. He had something else on his mind.

 

            “Ohhh, that explains it! I thought you’d bring me dandelions, hehehe.”

 

            “Dandelions? Weeds aren't an acceptable flower to bring someone in a hospital,” Ushijima said, his brow furrowing.

 

            Hinata grinned. “Well, guess not, but dandelions are still my favorite flower. That's why I was really happy when you made me a dandelion ring, even if it was kinda a strange way to make friends!”

 

            Was that what that looked like to Hinata?

 

            “Why do you favor dandelions?”

 

            “That's easy! It's cause they're the strongest flowers! Everything else has to grow in good soil, with the right amount of water and the right amount of sun. But dandelions are tough; they'll grow anywhere, even in concrete. That's why I love them. Also, they're yellow! Oh, before I forget—,”

           

            Ushijima inhaled. His mind went back to everything they'd been working for, and Hinata's now broken ankle. “Hinata. I will fix this.”

 

            Hinata paused. “What? My ankle? Uhm, I don't think you can, unless you have a medical school degree...you don't secretly have one, do you? Oh, my ankle is already fixed though, it just needs time to regrow.”

 

            Ushijima shook his head. “I was told it would take your ankle 6 weeks to heal. Then you will have to do another 6 to 8 weeks of physical therapy. Recruitment season for Ryujin Nippon will have passed by then.”

            The color drained out of Hinata's face. “Oh. Right. Well, uhm...,”

            “I will fix this,” Ushijima insisted. He had always hated baseless confidence, but he hated the look on Hinata's face even more. “I'll talk to Coach. I'll make sure he sees you.”

            Hinata looked at him curiously, before breaking into a smile. “O–okay? Problem solved, I guess? Thanks Ushijima! Anyways! How did you even get in here? They told me it was past visiting hours?”

            Ushijima exhaled. He had no idea how he would fix their situation, but at least Hinata was reassured.  “Being 'tall and scary' has advantages,” he said, referencing Hinata's words from when he was intoxicated.

            Hinata's eyes widened. He apparently had no memory of saying this, and instead seemed to think that Ushijima was reading his mind. “Eep! Holy crap! I can't believe you just said that! What did you do? Are the nurses okay? Actually, that reminds me of this one time that...,”

            Ushijima settled back onto the hospital bed as Hinata went on. He thought that maybe if they were two different people in a different situation it would have been okay to put his arm around Hinata, but instead he kept to himself and settled on listening to the ups and downs of Hinata's voice. Hinata was so animated when he spoke; his carefree smile directed at Ushijima reminded him of how easily he'd been forgiven. _I will fix this,_ Ushijima thought to himself as he watched Hinata. _I will do anything to fix this._  

♥ ♥ ♥

            The following day after team practice, Ushijima didn't head to the locker room with the rest of his teammates. Instead, he remained in the gymnasium with Coach Keito so he could speak with him. Ushijima sat on the silver metal bench on the sideline of the court as he waited for Coach Keito to wrap up his conversation with the assistant coach. He felt impatient as he watched them, having already mapped out what he planned to say and what he thought Coach Keito would say multiple times. It seemed like his heart beat was echoing throughout the spacious gymnasium and when he looked down he could almost see the concern on his face reflected in the glossy wood floors. Ushijima was more than aware that the fate of Hinata's volleyball career rested on what happened next.

            Finally, the assistant coach disappeared and Coach Keito made his way over to Ushijima. He gave Ushijima a smile and a wave as he walked over, and Ushijima thought again about how different Coach Keito was from his high school volleyball coach, Washijo-san. Unlike Washijo-san, Coach Keito was a younger male around 32 years in age and 5'11 in height. He had an outgoing and relaxed demeanor, which seemed odd given his profession, but Coach Keito often remarked that he “just trusted Captain Wakatoshi that much!”. Maybe that meant he'd earned a favor.

            “So!” Coach Keito said as Ushijima stood up. “I heard you wanted to talk to me?”

            “Yes. I want to ask a favor.”

            Coach laughed to himself. “Straight forward as always, Wakatoshi. What can I do for you?”

            Ushijima pressed his eyes close. He reminded himself that feeling nervous accomplished nothing. “It's about the possible recruit I was training. He broke his ankle.”

            Coach's eyes widened, the way most volleyball professionals did at any mention of someone getting injured. “It wasn't career ending,” Ushijima went on. “it was a minor break. He will recover in 6 weeks. He will need 6 more for physical therapy.”

            “Ohhh, I think I get what you're asking. New recruit season will be waaay over by then, but you’re wondering if we could make an exception for this mystery prodigy of yours?”

            Ushijima’s jaw tightened. “Yes, sir.”

 

            “Hmm...that’s kinda a hard favor, kid. I’d have to pull some strings with the board and even then…,” Coach Keito said. He thought for a minute before an ominous smile spread across his face. “You know what? How about this: we’ll trade favors. This is going to sound bizarre but—you know about my son, right?”

 

            Ushijima furrowed his brow, trying to recall Coach Keito mentioning a son.

 

            “Ah, I guess you wouldn't. Well, I have an 8-year-old son named Ren. Here’s the problem: the damned brat doesn't have any interest in volleyball. I really don't get it, he has potential—for god’s sake the kid is already 4’7 feet tall! But he just has no motivation for volleyball.”

 

            Ushijima frowned. “What does this have to do with me?”

 

            Coach Keito grinned. “Well, y’see, Ren is at that age where he idolizes pretty much every guy that’s tall and ‘cool’. Last week he wanted to be a firefighter, this week he wants to be a soccer player. You know how it is. So here’s what I was thinking: you take Ren for a day. Teach him some simple volleyball skills or something. Once he sees how ‘cool’ you are, I’m sure he’ll be sold on volleyball. And if he is, I guarantee I’ll get your kid seen. Does that sound fair?”

 

            That sounded like the least fair thing Ushijima had ever heard. He felt like Coach Keito wasn't speaking Japanese anymore. Coach wanted Ushijima to do...what? Once the bizarreness of the request sank in somewhat, Ushijima had another concern. “Sir, I’m not qualified to be a babysitter. There has to be something el—,”

 

            “Nope! This is the only thing I want! Besides, you’re the most responsible guy I know; I think I trust you more with Ren than my I do my wife! Hahaha. Oh, don't tell her I said that. So anyways, we got a deal or not kid?”

 

            Ushijima waited for the moment when Coach told him everything he’d said was just an inappropriate ruse, and he actually wanted something more reasonable. It never came. Coach Keito cocked an eyebrow and Ushijima felt his chest tighten. There had to be a limit to how absurd life was going to be after meeting his soulmate. The fate of Hinata’s volleyball career resting in the hands of an 8-year-old boy...it was too much. But Ushijima had promised Hinata and he had promised himself that he’d fix the mess he made.

 

            He inhaled and exhaled again. “Yes sir.”


	8. Love That Sets Your Heart Ablaze Wasn't Supposed to be Taken so Literally

            It was Tendou's plan, and that's what made Ushijima nervous. About a week earlier, when Ushijima was at a loss for what to do, he decided to ask Tendou, as he was the only person he knew that thought like an 8-year-old boy. At first, he considered his advice to be worthless; “you need to bribe an 8-year-old boy? Easy, just use stuff he likes. Money, lots of it, dinosaurs, 8-year old girls. Problem solved,”. It took three days for Ushijima to realize that while it was unintentional, Tendou’s advice was actually helpful. Strangely enough, Ushijima did know an 8-year old girl—or rather, he knew _of_ one. She was Hinata's 8-year-old sister, Hinata Natsu, and she happened to be so invested in volleyball that she was attending a volleyball themed summer camp next month, much to Hinata's delight. People were motivated by a wide range of things. Maybe having a friend interested in volleyball would motivate Keito's son to take an interest in volleyball as well.

            There were too many variables for Ushijima to have considered it a 'good plan', but it had the highest probability of working compared to anything else he came up with. The next thing he decided on was the location they'd meet at. After another day’s worth of thought, he decided they'd all go to the Himeji Yukata Matsuri festival, because children liked festivals. Probably. Finally, Ushijima messaged Coach Keito to make sure it was okay to take his son to Himeji Yukata Matsuri (it was) and then messaged Hinata to ask if Hinata and Natsu would like to go with them, although he left out his reason for asking because he didn't want to pressure Hinata. Hinata said they'd love to go, with seven exclamation marks. So it was settled.

            As Ushijima drove to Hinata's house early Thursday morning to pick them up, it didn't feel very settled. It felt like every unstable variable in his plan was seconds away from falling apart, all at once. Ushijima drove 15 below the speed limit the entire ride, as if driving slowly would stop the inevitable. Still, he arrived at Hinata's house, and found himself knocking at the door. After a few seconds, it flew open. Only, it wasn't Hinata standing there. Instead, a girl about 4'2 in height with big brown eyes and bright orange hair answered the door. _Hinata Natsu,_ he assumed.

            “Hello,” he said, with a slight bow.

            She just started up at him, clutching her yukata. “You're probably, U-shi-ji-ma,” she said, pronouncing each syllable in his name carefully.

            “No. I am definitely Ushijima. Are you Hinata Natsu?”

            Natsu nodded. “It's okay for you to come in. I'll go tell Nii-chan you're here.”

            Ushijima followed her in and took off his shoes as he watched Natsu disappear down the hallway. He looked around the Hinata's house, remembering the last time he was there. Realistically it had only been a few months, but it felt like that day was years ago. _There will be other days like it, if this goes well,_ he thought to himself. He took a seat on the couch.

            Natsu half ran back into the room a minute later, careful to hold her white flower speckled light blue yukata up as she ran so she wouldn't trip. “Nii-chan is still getting ready,” she announced, climbing onto the couch cushion farthest from Ushijima.

            “Okay.”

            Natsu stared at him. He looked away for a few seconds, then looked back. She was still staring. He wondered if he should inform her that staring was considered socially rude, but before he could she decided to speak.

            “There's a statue at my school that looks just like you. It's not made of skin though.”

            Narrowing his eyes, Ushijima was quite for a minute, trying to think of the proper response. He couldn't think of anything. “That seems reasonable. Statues made of skin would be difficult to maintain.”

            Natsu seemed a bit taken aback, but then nodded thoughtfully. She opened her mouth to say something else, but thankfully was cut off by the sound of a bedroom door opening. They both looked towards the hallway and a second later Hinata appeared around the corner.

            Under normal circumstances, the first thing Ushijima would have noticed was Hinata’s face, or maybe the thick boot-like cast on Hinata’s ankle, before anything else. In this case, the first thing Ushijima noticed was his yukata. There was a number of things wrong with it. First, it was a woman’s yukata. Second, it was an ugly woman’s yukata; it was blindly hot pink with large, neon green flowers printed across it, with a zebra striped collar, and what looked to be a huge satin bow in the back. And finally, it’s sleeves were unproportionately long. They went down to Hinata’s calves.

 

            “Hinata. Why are you wearing that?” Ushijima said immediately.

 

            Hinata blushed. “Okay, oookay, I know this is technically for a girl and it doesn't fit all that good buuut you _have_ to wear a yukata for Himeji Yukata Matsuri!”

 

            Ushijima tensed as the wave of emotion that Hinata’s voice triggered collided with the already uneasy state of his interior.

 

            “Becuase there’s over 700 food stalls and if you’re wearing a yukata they're all half off! So I didn't have a yukata and I ended up at this discount clothes store and the lady said I could have it for only 450 yen because of a manufacturing error,” he said, swinging the sleeves around for emphasis, “which was a super good deal! I just have to roll the sleeves up a little…,” he said, shoving his right sleeve up. It immediately fell back down.

 

            Ushijima shook his head. “That yukata wouldn't have been a good deal if it was free.”

 

Natsu giggled, which slightly confused Ushijima, whose statement was simply factual. Hinata squawked. “Hwwuah! Whatever! At least I’m actually wearing a yukata!” Hinata said, referring to Ushijima’s plain clothes.

 

            Ushijima shrugged. “I dislike the feeling of loose clothing on my skin.”

 

            “O-oh, okay.”

 

            He stood up. “Are you two ready?”

 

            Natsu slid off the couch and squealed. “Yes!”

 

            He looked towards Hinata. Or rather, his cast. “Do you need h—,”

 

            “Nope!” Hinata said, brushing off his concern and walking towards the door. His stride seemed steady, but he was clearly limping slightly under the weight of his cast.

 

            When Hinata reached him, Ushijima held him by the shoulder. “Are you sure? I will carry you.”

 

            Hinata, despite the dark red creeping across his face, actually seemed to consider it for a second. Then he pulled away and turned back toward the door. “You’re gonna have to catch me first!”

           

After shaking off his surprise, Ushijima followed Hinata and Natsu out the door. Oddly enough, he found himself smiling slightly. For the first time since that morning, he’d forgotten he was supposed to be nervous.

 

            Thirty minutes after all three of them climbed into Ushijima’s car, they had arrived at Coach Keito’s apartment complex. Hinata and Natsu stayed behind while Ushijima went up to retrieve Coach’s son. Surprisingly, it wasn't the tedious ordeal Ushijima thought it’d be. Keito-san and his wife introduced him to a shy boy about 4’7 in height dressed in a light blue yukata and tennis shoes. After greeting him, Ushijima assumed his parents would have a list of precautions for them both, but instead they left him in Ushijima care after a quick “be on your best behavior” and a kiss on the forehead.

 

After leaving Coach Keito's apartment, Ren stayed shy and silent for only about ten minutes of sitting in the backseat with Natsu, who seemed to have her brother’s natural ability to hold a conversation in which the other person felt like they didn't have to contribute if they didn't want to. Not being pressured to talk seemed to encourage Ren to do just that though, so the car ride to Kencho-mae Station was filled with the sound of happy chatter from the backseat and off-key humming (Hinata) from the front seat. Strangely, it was calming.

 

            At 11:03 on a Thursday Kencho-Mae Station was mostly vacant, and although Ushijima thoroughly went over proper station behavior and how to stay safe in public, all four of them were able to board without any issue. Still, as Ushijima sat in a near empty train compartment on a faux velvet seat next to Hinata and across from Natsu and Ren, he couldn't feel at ease. It felt like things were going too well. Almost as if both children would go missing if he blinked for too long.

 

            Hinata suddenly poked his arm. “Hey. You’ve never been in charge of kids before, huh?”

 

            Ushijima frowned. “No. Why?”

 

            “ ’Cause, you’re so stiff you’re like thick Styrofoam. Someone could break you in half. Probably even me! Not super easily, but I bet I could. Also, you’ve been staring at them for, uhmm, ten minutes straight.”

 

            Ushijima huffed. “I am being a responsible guardian.”

 

            Hinata responded with a cheeky grin. “Nooo, you’re being a responsible guardian _and_ you’re being nervous as hell. But it’s really gonna be okay! I mean, I’ve been babysitting Natsu for years ever since she was real little, and I’ve only lost her twice and when I found her, she was alive! Both times! So ‘cause you’re way more responsible than me, it’s gonna be fine.”

 

            Everything word in Hinata’s reassurance was completely nonsense (as well as concerning), but something about the confidence Hinata said it with was slightly reassuring.

 

“Okay.”

 

            His grin got wider. “Awesome! Oh, that reminds me, could you sign my cast?”

 

            Ushijima didn't understand the sudden conversation change. What did his cast have to do with the safety of children? “Your cast?”

 

            Hinata held up his enclosed foot slightly, in case Ushijima had forgotten what a cast was. “Yeah! Y’know, how people get all their friends and stuff to sign their casts? I want you to sign mine!”

 

            This conversation topic seemed to get Natsu’s attention. “Oh, yeah. Nii-chan said if you signed it he was gonna sell it on E-bay since you’re famous,” she said to Ushijima.

 

            Hinata had turned just in time to see her say most of that.

 

            He turned bright red and swiveled back toward Ushijima. “I—I didn’t say that!”

 

            “Yes, you did.”

 

            “NoIdidn’t! I didn’t say that! Ooookay, even if I did, which I didn't, I wouldn’t of...uhm, I mean I would have asked permission first, buuut you don't really seem like you care about that kinda thing, so uhm, I really thought—,”

 

            Natsu shook her head. “He wasn't gonna ask permission. He told me not to say anything,” she said to Ushijima. When Ushijima’s attention shifted to Natsu, so did Hinata’s, so she said to him, “Didn't you say it was wrong to lie, Nii-chan?”

 

            “I—I also said it was wrong to tattle!”

 

            “Hhm. No. I don't remember that.” she said, pretending to think by looking off into the distance.

 

            “It was last week!”

 

            She paused for a second. “I don't remember last week.”

 

            Hinata squawked, outraged, and from there a whole new argument started, and then from that one sprung another one, and then another one, and then at some point they seemed to be bickering just to annoy each other. Ren and Ushijima watched silently. While Ushijima didn't know what the child was thinking, he himself watched Hinata and Natsu somewhat amused; he thought that they seemed very close. Without noticing it, his whole body un-tensed as he watched them go back and forth and by the time the train started to move Ushijima was so relaxed he almost didn't notice.

 

            The train ride into the Hyogo Prefecture took 3 hours and 47 minutes, which Hinata spent 3 hours and 40 of fast asleep on Ushijima’s shoulder. Luckily, Natsu and Ren stayed up to talk and play games for the duration of the ride, so their transition onto the train headed to JR Himeji Station was made slightly more difficult by only one of the Hinatas. After 30 more minutes by train, the four of them then exited the station only to be greeted by a fifteen-minute wait in the thick summer heat for the Shinki bus that went to Himeji Castle. Ushijima had grown used to long trips due to Ryujin Nippon’s tournament seasons, but Hinata, Natsu, and Ren were exhausted, out of snacks, and trapped on a stuffy bus. All three of them seemed to start regretting coming...until they saw the castle. As the Shinki bus approached the top of the hill, Himeji Castle rose out of a thicket of rich green trees and delicate cherry blossoms. Its pristine white and beige exterior glistened in the sunlight and the detailed, traditional architecture of the forked roofs and ornamental decals was something that even Ushijima found captivating. Ten minutes later, when the bus finally stopped across the street from the entrance to the castle, Ushijima's companions were all anxious to get off the bus. Ushijima forced them to wait and recite the rules for the day instead.

 

            “Don't talk to strangers. Don't touch things without permission,” Natsu said anxiously, peering out the window.

 

            “Be within sight of the adults all the time. If you get lost go to the Designated Spot and wait for the adults,” Ren added shyly.

 

            “You're missing one.”

 

            The three of them thought for a second, fidgeting and glancing out the window. “Oh!” Hinata suddenly exclaimed. “Re-apply your sunscreen every 2 hours!”

 

            He nodded stiffly as he looked at size of the crowd gathered outside the Himeji castle. Almost everyone was draped in a colorful yukata; it was impressive. At a distance. Ushijima strongly disliked crowds. Silently sighing, he stood up anyways. “Let's go.”

 

            ♥ ♥ ♥

           Although Ushijima was getting used to his time with Hinata being unpredictable, he still wasn't used to how different he felt around him. Everything about the day’s atmosphere should have made him uncomfortable; the crowd, the constant overlapping noise, the added pressure of being responsible for young children…at the start of festival Ushijima was convinced it would be a struggle to keep his composure. Surprisingly, it wasn't. They started the festival by viewing the castle grounds, which were so detailed and opulent that none of them struggled to remain entertained. Next, they went to the Kokoen garden, which was the most entertaining for Ushijima, who provided supplemental information about the flora they viewed. Afterwards they followed the flow of the festival and took a trolley into the central part of the city where the main events were held. They attended the yuukata fashion show (Natsu’s favorite event of the day) and the petting zoo; Hinata almost got in trouble with the security guards for trying to pet the porcupines despite the DO NOT PET sign right next to his face. He claimed he didn't see it.

 

          Later in the evening they watched dance performances and vocal performances and Ushijima spent the evening trying to buy the healthiest festival food he could find for himself and the children. On the other hand, Hinata seemed to be seriously trying to eat something from all 700 stands, but luckily he quickly ran out of money. Finally, at the end of the night, they headed to the Osakabe shrine where the festival was supposed to end. There were still a few hours before the festival’s end though, and the shrine was set up with kid’s activities like puppet shows and face painting. Even though Ushijima was prepared to endure these activities with his companions as well, one of the volunteers came up to them and cheerfully informed them that for the next few hours the shrine was a place parents could leave their children for a while to go do some of the more ‘adult’ activities. Ushijima was reluctant to leave Ren and Natsu in someone else’s care. Hinata convinced him though, saying they could go hang out in the garden right outside the shrine. Cautious, but also weak to the way Hinata seemed to want to be alone with him, Ushijima stiffly gave both kids money for face painting and informed them they’d be back in no less than an hour and a half. Hinata beamed at him, and then they left.

 

           At 7 o'clock at night, Hinata and Ushijima sat in the soft grass near the small koi pond a little ways away from the shrine. It was a beautiful night; a soft wind relieved them from the day’s heat and the air was filled with the sound of croaking frogs and bursts of light from dozens of fireflies. Hinata mentioned that as it got darker it became harder for him to read lips, so Ushijima went down to some of the nearby festival stalls and bought every luminous object he could find. As a result, they ended the night surrounded by lanterns and a variety of flickering candles nestled in the grass. The way they illuminated Hinata’s face was captivating.

 

           Once they were settled, Hinata was quiet for a second before meeting Ushijima’s eyes.

 

           “Uhmmm, I’ve been…meaning to say this for a while now, but thanks so much for today. And, uhm, for everything,” Hinata said. He seemed sincere, but his boundless carefree energy was missing. What did he mean by ‘everything’?

 

           “No. Thank you for agreeing to come with me.”

 

            Hinata shook his head. “I definitely have to tell you thank you! Today’s been the most fun I’ve had in...in err…in a long time. And my life has been so much more fun since you showed up. Well, not even just fun. But better. Everything’s been better. So, uhm, just accept my thanks, ‘kay?”

 

           Ushijima thought for a second, Hinata’s words triggering his thoughts from earlier. Fun. All day, he had been pondering how different the day was from what he expected it to feel like, but he had been stuck on what it actually _did_ feel like. The feeling he couldn't identify was ‘fun’. How long had it been since he’d had fun? Ushijima spent all of his energy on volleyball, and though he knew he loved it, as he had devoted his whole life to it, but he didn’t think he found it ‘fun’.

 

          “Okay. You’re welcome. Thank you too. It’s been...some time since I’ve had fun as well, but today was fun. And my life has also been more ‘fun’ and ‘better’ since I met you.”

 

          Hinata’s mouth fell open and his eyes suddenly grew wide, like he was going to cry. “You—do you really mean that?”

 

          Ushijima grew tense watching Hinata’s face. Not knowing what it was he said to elicit that reaction, he didn't know what to say to soothe him. Instead, he went with the truth. “Yes, I meant it. Was that inappropriate to say?”

 

           Hinata laughed sadly and wiped his eyes with one of his absurdly long sleeves. “No—haha, sorry for being weird. It’s just, uh, a little hard to trust that people really like me ‘cause I’m me, that’s all.”

 

           Ushijima didn't like how Hinata’s unique high and low voice became all low and even thicker than normal. “Why is that?”

 

           Hinata peered at him with the same hesitant-to-trust expression he’d worn in the hospital. He swallowed. “Ahhhm, that’s—that’s because after I stopped being able to hear...things got super hard. It took me a really long time to learn how to read lips, and no one else I knew could use sign language. I started having to take special ed classes...and then all my friends didn't wanna be seen with me anymore. After I learned how to lip read, I moved to a different middle school to try to make friends...but I didn't. I still stuck out ‘cause I guess I developed a “deaf accent”. So people either teased me or...they, uhm. They…,” Hinata’s voice started to break. Ushijima wanted to do something, but instead he bawled his fist and waited for Hinata to continue.

 

           “...they just pretended to be my friend. People treated me like a dumb pet or talked behind my back. So...I started not trusting people anymore. I mean—it got better after middle school! I went to Karasuno, joined their volleyball team and met Kageyama and Tanaka and Suga and Yachi and...well, all of them. They didn't care at all that I was deaf. Kageyama was grumpy to me just like he was grumpy to everyone else, and Tanaka was protective of me, but not ‘cause I was deaf but because I was a kouhai, and Yachi was just really nice to everyone...they even though it was cool I could sign! We started using signs as signals in games even! They were all so nice…but...I still have a hard time feeling like people are always lying to me. I hate it. IhateitIhateitIhateit. My parents—why didn't they tell me I was gonna go deaf instead of pretending everything was okay and then suddenly it wasn't? Why didn't people just say they thought I was weird or slow instead of just pretending to be my friend? Why didn't—,” Hinata’s voice caught and he rubbed his eyes with his sleeve again.

 

           “Sorry,” he said, dropping his sleeve and blinking at Ushijima with big, red lined eyes. “I’m being all sad and stuff. Ehehe, it’s really okay now though. Thanks for saying you like being around me.”

 

           Ushijima maintained eye contact and hoped his expression was a sympathetic one as he thought of what to say. “Hinata. I’m sorry. You shouldn't have been treated poorly for something you had no control over.”

 

           Ushijima wondered if that wasn't sympathetic enough, but Hinata flashed him a grateful smile. “Thanks. Alright um,” he looked away. “Your turn.”

 

           “My turn?”

 

          “Yep! I told you something super sad and embarrassing about me, now you gotta fess something sad and embarrassing up about yourself,” he said, looking at Ushijima expectantly.

 

          Ushijima wondered if that was a social protocol rule he’d never heard before or if Hinata was just weird. He thought for a moment. “Sorry. I can't think of anything.”

 

          Hinata tsked. “There has to be something! Everyone has _something._ ”

 

          Ushijima shrugged. “I’ve never had cancer before. I’ve never been short before either. Sorry.”

 

          “Being short is not a life problem!” Hinata snapped. When Ushijima only cracked a half smile and said nothing more, Hinata tilted his head at him. “You’ve really never struggled with _any stuff_ before?”

 

          The word ‘struggled’ resonated with Ushijima. “Oh. Well. I don't find it ‘sad’ or ‘embarrassing’ but I...,” he paused, trying to find the right way to phrase it. “...I don't understand other people well. I don't understand the reasons behind most of their actions...or emotions. I used to be frustrated by all the effort I put into interacting with others never being acknowledged. Now I don’t care. Mostly.” When he was done talking, he looked at Hinata to see if that satisfied him. He looked like he was listening very intently.

 

          “Mostly?”

 

          Ushijima froze. He hadn't meant to say “mostly” out loud. He considered changing the subject but, after seeing Hinata’s inquisitive face, decided against it. He was supposed to be slowly moving forward with Hinata, which supposedly meant expressing his feelings more. “Mostly. Being around you is easy in some ways. I don't have to guess what you're thinking; you say it. And if you don't, it’s easily seen on your face. But...there are still things I can't understand about you. I find it frustrating. I dislike it,” he said stiffly.

 

          Hinata was looking at him with big, sorrowful eyes, like it was the saddest thing he ever heard. “Wha—that’s not! Something to be sad about! I’m, uhm, not sure I get what you’re talking about, but if—if you wanna know something about me then just ask! I’ll tell you! There’s nothing to be sad about ‘cause I’ll just tell you whatever! So!” he said, looking at Ushijima expectantly.

 

          “Anything I want to know?”

 

          “Yeah! Anything!”

 

          Ushijima thought for a moment. His heart rate started to accelerate when he thought of what he wanted to ask him, but he reasoned with himself that it was a reasonable next step in his slow process forward. Still, he took a second to collect himself.

 

          “How...do you feel about me?”

 

          Hinata’s eyes got big. “How do I feel about you? Awwhm, that’s...actually that's an easy question, I think. Maybe it’s just cause of today especially but...I feel like, somehow, I’ve know you my whole entire life.”

 

          Hinata said nothing else and looked at Ushijima expectantly, as if that was supposed to explain everything. Ushijima was quite for a second, trying to figure out what Hinata meant.

 

          “You said you didn't believe in soulmates,” he said uncomfortably.

 

          That seemed to be the wrong interpretation of what Hinata said. “Eh? No, I don't, that's not what I meant! Actually, I think that whole soulmate thingy is a-nnoy-ing,” Hinata said, over enunciating ‘ _annoying’._ “After I went deaf, everyone was freaking out about how I was gonna find my soulmate, even though I don't even—hey, what’s that?” Hinata said, stopping short.

 

           Ushijima followed his eyes. Hinata was examining Ushijima’s left pocket, or rather, what was sticking out of it. He leaned forward and yanked out the white corner sticking out. He turned it over in his hands while Ushijima tried to process what just happened.

 

          “Is this...a tea packet?” he said, quirking an eyebrow.

 

           “Yeah.”

 

          “But, uh, why?”

 

          Ushijima wasn't prepared for this sudden topic change. He scratched his neck. “Tea and coffee grounds are good for plants. Ryujin Nippon travels often and hotel rooms have complementary tea packets. So I take them. We stay at a lot of hotels though, so I end up with a lot. I often forget to take them out of my pockets,” Ushijima explained with a shrug.

 

          Hinata looked at him, completely bewildered, before breaking down into hysterical laughter. His laughter was loud and melodic; it made Ushijima wonder if he’d ever heard Hinata laugh so loud.

 

           “I don't think what I said was humorous.”

 

           Hinata shook his head, trying to stifle his laughter. “No—no, it’s just. I—I also—,” Hinata gasped, pausing to rummage through his yukata’s pocket. He pulled something out and held his hand out to Ushijima. Ushijima examined his open palm and saw...mints? In Hinata’s palm there was an assortment of what looked like breath mints, some plain white and red, others green and white, and some the kind you chewed. Ushijima looked up at Hinata.

 

          “Why mints?”

 

          “ ‘Cause I’m like you! Y’know how places like restaurants and stuff usually have bowls of mints? Well, whenever I go to one, I always take a fistful of mints. They aren't good for plants or anything—I just like having ‘em around the house because they’re fun to suck on when I’m bored. But I always forget I took them, so I almost always have a pocket full of mints just like you have pockets full of tea,” Hinata said, smiling triumphantly.

 

          Ushijima wasn't sure why this was good news but Hinata seemed happy. “Okay.”

 

          Hinata smiled and looked back up at the stars. “Hah…maybe we’re soulmates after all,” he said, so quietly that Ushijima almost didn't hear him.

 

          Ushijima inhaled sharply. What? Why did Hinata say that? Was it his way clarifying his statement from earlier? Did that mean he was allowed to move forward with his feelings?

 

           Ushijima shifted his weight to get closer to Hinata, a move which Hinata seemed to catch in his peripheral vision. He turned to him, confused.

 

          On the other hand, Ushijima’s head was swimming. He was so close to Hinata. Up close, the deep red that crept across Hinata’s face was vibrant and the soft quiver of his slightly parted lips was luring Ushijima even closer. His rational thoughts became saturated in Hinata’s scent, which seemed to be a mixture of bubble gum scented shampoo, peach sunscreen, and the slightly sour smell of sweat. The blood coursing through Ushijima’s body and his pounding heart beat both urged him forward, but he held himself back. Barely. _Ask first. You have to ask first. Ask him,_ his rational sense urged, barely audible.  

 

           “Hinata.” Ushijima slightly lifted his right hand; he was going to place it on Hinata’s cheek just like he had the day he visited Hinata’s home.

 

           “Hinata, can I—,”

 

 _Thwack._ Ushijima’s hand had hit one of the taller glass candles and knocked it onto it’s side. His heart stopped. While the flame was safely enclosed in a few inches of glass, it had landed on one of Hinata’s exorbitantly long yukata sleeves. The bunched-up folds of fabric had slipped into the opening of the candle with ease.

 

           Ushijima’s hand immediately lunged for the candle; he wasted no time throwing it far away from Hinata. It was too late though. Small, bright orange flames sprang up at the tip of the sleeve, slowing eating up more of the fabric as it flickered and swayed. Hinata screamed and jumped to his feet clumsily with his cast tripping him up, then he started thrashing his arm around. This only made things worse though, as the thrashing provided the fire with more oxygen and enlarged the flames.

 

          “Hinata, stop,” Ushijima commanded, grabbing him by the shoulders and trying to pull the yukata off him.

 

          Hinata didn't hear him with his eyes squeezed shut. “Get it off! Get it off!” he yelled, ripping himself out of Ushijima’s grasp and falling back to the ground. He frantically started to beat the sleeve against the ground while simultaneously trying to slip out of his yukata. Neither attempt was successful.

 

          Ushijima got down on his knees in front of Hinata as calmly as he could, trying to catch his eyes. “Hinata, you’re making this worse. You’re providing the fire with oxygen wh—,”

 

          Hinata, full on panicking, paid him no attention, stumbling onto his feet again and whipping the sleeve around while yelling and spinning in a circle.

 

          Ushijima watched in horror as the yellow and orange flames ate away at his sleeve even faster. _He’s going to burn himself at his point_ , Ushijima thought. He quickly scanned his surroundings for something to calm Hinata, or at least subdue him and then he saw it: the koi pond. Jumping to his feet, he approached Hinata and swept him up, with one hand under his back (so that the on-fire sleeve was dangling away from him) and the other under his knees. Hinata yelled inaudible curses either at the fire or at him, and Ushijima quickly carried him to koi pond. At the edge of the pond, with one knee on the stone above ground rim, Ushijima bent at the waist to lower him as close to the water as possible before letting his body slip out of his hands.

 

_Splash!_

 

           Hinata was submerged in the dark water and the flames dissipated instantly. Ushijima waited for Hinata to come back up with wide, anxious eyes. He was certain he hadn't used force when he threw Hinata in and he was certain that the pond wasn't deep. Still, it was possible to drown in shallow water if Hinata had hit his head and it was possible Ushijima miscalculated his force in all the chaos…

 

          Hinata sprang out the water in the same second that the knuckles on the hand Ushijima was gripping the side of the pond with turned bright white. He coughed and brushed wet strands of hair out of his eyes, then looked around at his new surroundings before noticing Ushijima. “Hey! What the hell?”

 

           “You...you were adding oxygen to the flame. Water...is needed to extinguish a non-electrical fire...so I—,” Ushijima spat out, still bewildered.

 

          Hinata blinked a few times. “I—I can't understand that well. Say it again, but slower.”

 

          Ushijima shook his head and leaned closer. “It doesn't matter. Are you hurt?” Ushijima said slowly.

 

          Considering it, Hinata looked down at his hand in the water, which was obscured from Ushijima view. Ushijima’s heart stopped again. Did he get burned?

 

          “I...I am hurt,” Hinata said, looking back at him with big eyes.

 

          Ushijima stopped breathing. Subconsciously, he thrusted his hand out to help Hinata up. “Can you stand? Do you need an ambulance or—,”

 

          Hinata suddenly lurched forward and grabbed Ushijima’s extended arm. Normally, Ushijima would have been hard to pull, but in this case, he was off balance and his guard was down; Hinata easily pulled him into the water.

 

           Ushijima hit the water with a heavy _splash_ that sent the orange, red, and white koi fish fleeing even farther away from the two of them. The water felt cool on his skin but even though it enveloped the pond was shallow as he expected. Placing a hand on the soft moss that coated the pond’s floor, he propped himself up quickly. In his upright sitting position, the water only came up to his chest.

 

          Ushijima coughed out the water that he’d inhaled and blinked rapidly, trying to process what had just happened. His eyes immediately found Hinata, and he opened his mouth to ask out his physical health.

 

          Hinata cut him off. “I was hurt, but I feel much better now!” he exclaimed, beaming. He held up both of his hands in the ‘ _stop_ ’ position, to show Ushijima that both hands were okay.

 

          Water dripped off Ushijima face as he blankly reached forward and grabbed Hinata’s yukata sleeve to study it. Unraveled, the singed fabric still stopped a few inches away from Hinata’s delicate hand. It seemed he really hadn't been harmed.

 

           Ushijima slowly looked back up at Hinata and searched his face for any sign that he was angry he almost had to be hospitalized for the second time because of Ushijima. Instead, all he saw was a cheeky smile. He breathed a shaky sigh of relief.

 

          “Aw, c’mon, don't look at me like that! This was totally fair! You set me on fire and then threw me in a koi fish pond—that means I get to drag you with me! Those are the ‘Being Set On Fire Rules’! You’re not mad, are you?” He said, his voice becoming sheepish with the last sentence.

 

           “No,” Ushijima said weakly.

 

           “O~kay!” he said, waddling over to Ushijima. He suddenly rushed forward and threw his arms around Ushijima’s neck, then hesitantly laid his head against his chest. Ushijima stiffened. “It’s hard to stand up in the moss with the cast on so...now that I’ve had my revenge, please get me out of here,” Hinata said. His voice was mostly light and playful, but there was a nervous edge to it.

 

          Ushijima stopped breathing just as soon as he had started. “Yes,” he said intensely, to a Hinata that couldn't hear him. He gently lifted Hinata out of the water and carefully carried him back to their things. The whole time he walked he was stiff, as he reminded himself he needed to be thinking about Hinata’s safety, or the fact that he had just _set him on fire_ , and not the fact Hinata’s yukata was slipping off his slender shoulders or the fact that Hinata looked pretty with his dark, wet hair clinging to his face. It was surprisingly difficult.

             


	9. The Truth Will Set You Free (Or Maybe Just Ruin Everything)

          It was early in the morning the next day and Ushijima was in the kitchen, cooking Tamago Kake Gohan for breakfast. For the first time in years, Ushijima's movements were slow and clumsy, as his mind kept returning to the events of the night prior. When he thought back to almost kissing Hinata, he almost cut right through his hand. _Setting Hinata’s yukata on fire was my consequence for trying to advance to quickly,_ Ushijima thought to himself as he placed the knife he’d been using in the sink and took out a duller one. _This is what happens when things are done out of order._

 

          “ ‘Morning,” Tendou called as he waltzed into the kitchen. Usagi followed closely behind him, barking excitedly.

 

          “Good morning,” Ushijima grunted. As he continued cooking, Tendou was busy re-filling Usagi’s water and food bowl. It was a strange habit they’d developed: every morning Ushijima fed Tendou and Tendou fed Usagi.

 

           After putting the bagged dog food back in their cupboard, Tendou dragged out a chair at the table and propped his elbows up on the table to rest his head in his hands. “So! You came back late last night. How’d your date with the kid go?”

 

           Ushijima tensed up, his mind running over everything that happened. “I set him on fire.”

 

           Tendou was silent for a second. “You…did what now?”

 

           “Fire. I set Hinata on fire.”

 

           Ushijima looked back to see that Tendou wasn't sure if he should call the police on Ushijima or mock him. Not surprisingly, he chose the latter.

 

          “Jeez Ushiwaka, did you at least buy him dinner first?”

 

          “I did not. It was an accident,” Ushijima said, switching off the stove and bringing their two-breakfast bowls to the table. He made a second trip for cups of water and silverware.

 

         “Sure, sure. Hey, can you accidentally set me on fire next weekend? I really don't wanna go to my cousins wedding,” he said after his ‘Itadakimasu’, through a mouthful of rice.

 

           “It would be impossible t—,” Ushijima said, but the sound of his phone buzzing three consecutive times cut him off. He excused himself from the table and grabbed his phone off the counter. It was another strange habit he’d developed after meeting Hinata: though he wouldn't keep his phone at the table because it was socially rude, after meeting Hinata he started to always keep his phone near him.

 

           He pressed it on to see that he had three text messages. The first one was from Hinata.

 

 **From Hinata** :

 _sso i’m at a barnes and nobles rn_ _w my mom and they have a book called “1,001 unsolved conspiracy theories”!!! mom says don't get it bc “you’re already twitchy and weird” and “you don't need to make that problem any worse”. but anyways. guess what I just got!_

          Ushijima read his message warmly, surprised and relieved to see that the prior night’s events didn't seem to faze him. He clicked on the next message.

 

**From Coach Keito:**

 

_Hey Ushiwaka, what the hell did you guys do last night? It was just a normal festival you took Ren to, right?_

 

           All the blood drained out of Ushijima’s face. He wasn't sure what that meant but the message’s tone indicated that something was wrong. Did Ren get sick? Did he only feign enjoyment of the festival out of social pressure? Or worse, fear? With dread weighing down on his shoulders, he clicked the next message.

 

**From Coach Keito:**

 

_Seriously Waka, are you even human?_

 

          Ushijima felt sick and pressed his eyes close. He’d heard ‘are you even human?’ many times in his life and it never indicated something good was about to happen. Suddenly Ushijima was burning up and his eyes were glazing over; he almost didn't notice when his phone buzzed in his hand. He looked down. As he blinked away the cloudiness in his eyes, his heart started to pound, and he clutched his phone tightly to keep it from slipping out of his sweaty palms. His mind briefly ran over some of the worst-case scenarios; he imagined Coach telling him that he was expelled from the team, or worse, that Hinata would never play for Ryujin Nippon. He gritted his teeth. _Fantasizing will have no bearing on reality_ , he reminded himself. He snapped his eyes back open and looked at the message.

 

**From Coach Keito:**

_Seriously Waka, I don't know if you bribed him or hypnotized him or if you’re just that damn good, but whatever the hell you did worked. Ren came home and BEGGED me to send him to Kirakiraboshi volleyball training camp this July. Said he’s already got a friend there and everything. Honestly, I’m impressed. Tell that kid of yours that we’ll have someone take a look at him as soon as he’s feeling better. Thanks for this xxx_

 

          Ushijima’s whole body froze in shock. It worked. The plan, despite having such a low probability of success, had worked. He read the message over and over again, waiting to realize he had seen it wrong but he hadn’t. It felt like thousands of tons of weight fell right off Ushijima’s shoulders. He hadn't deprived his soulmate of his dream after all.

 

          “Hey Ushiwaka,” Tendou called, pulling him out of his thoughts. “what’s wrong with your face? You look like someone just accidently set you on fire.”

Ushijima looked at him and then back at his phone. “Please excuse me. I need to go call Hinata.”

 

           Tendou blinked a few times and he watched Ushijima dazedly walk away. “Wait...call him? Isn't he deaf?”

 

           Ushijima didn't hear him though, and he ended up calling him three times before Hinata texted him to ask what was wrong (and reminded him that he was deaf). He repeated the news to him through text and of course, Hinata was ecstatic. Hinata thanked him over and over, and no matter how much he repeated the same grateful phrases, Ushijima never got sick of his gushing. For the first time, Ushijima understood what people meant when they said someone’s excitement was contagious. Ushijima and Hinata messaged back and forth throughout the day, with Ushijima’s pleasant mood dampened only somewhat by his consistent desire to see Hinata in person.

 

          That day was the highlight of the next two months because, unfortunately, the days that came after it were slow moving and generally devoid of Hinata’s presence.  With Hinata out of the hospital but still too weak to train, Ushijima was without a believable excuse for visiting him. As the weeks without Hinata continued to grow, he wondered if he even needed an excuse anymore or if his simple desire to see him would suffice...but he repressed those thoughts. He decided to use their time apart to eliminate all of his risky, impulsive desires towards Hinata so he could build a solid foundation between them. Even without Hinata there, it was proving to be a difficult task.

 

          The only thing that made the following weeks more bearable was the fact that Hinata had taken to texting him. Ushijima really wasn't sure why, as he was horrible at texting, but Hinata didn't seem to notice at all. Instead he messaged Ushijima constantly, sending frequent updates about his day, pictures of _anything_ he found interesting, selfies, and ‘funny’ online posts. It was annoying, and Ushijima was incredibly grateful for it. After weeks of physical therapy, Hinata was finally cleared to start playing volleyball again.   

          Moving forward, Ushijima and Hinata had two more practice dates to make sure Hinata was still able to play. They were strained practices, at least for Ushijima, who was overwhelmed at seeing Hinata again after such a long period of time. Hinata, on the other hand, seemed uber excited to see him and only slightly nervous. More importantly, he had recovered well. Finally, with nothing else standing in their way, Ushijima set up a try out date with Coach Keito for Hinata.

            When Ushijima told Hinata, he didn’t stop yelling and jumping for at least 5 minutes. That excitement carried him all the way through the week…until the exact second he walked through the double doors of the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium. It was early in the morning on the first Sunday in September when Ushijima and Hinata met at the gymnasium’s entrance. Ushijima had offered to drive Hinata there, but Hinata insisted on taking the bus, mumbling something about wanting to be alone on the drive home ‘justincasehedidn’tgeteventhoughhewastotallygonnagetin’. Hinata was his bubbly and loud self when he greeted Ushijima outside of the massive silver stadium and as he took in the structure with wide, adoring eyes and rambled on, Ushijima used those few seconds to adjust to Hinata’s presence and voice. Then, Ushijima casually opened the door for Hinata and ushered him inside.

            He was confident that once he was inside, Hinata’s excitement would only increase and accumulate in excited, inappropriate yelling and him touching things he wasn’t supposed to touch. To his surprise, all of Hinata’s resolve seemed to drain right out of his body the second he was inside.

            Hinata gasped, frozen in place.

            The corners of Ushijima’s mouth twitched. “Does it live up to your fantasies?”   

            “Walls…so big…there are walls…why,” Hinata stammered.

            Ushijima glanced around the almost deserted lobby. The spacious room had the same dark reflective walls it always had.  “Yes, there are walls?”

            “No…legs aren’t…legs…are going down,” Hinata squeaked, suddenly looking very pale.

            Ushijima was about to ask him what he meant when Hinata’s knees buckled and he started to fall, grabbing onto Ushijima’s arm with a sharp ‘ _buh!_ ’. He struggled to steady Hinata but Hinata wasn’t cooperating at all; he let his body become dead weight instead. Ushijima settled on gently placing Hinata on the floor. Kneeling down, he gripped Hinata by the shoulders. “Hinata, what’s happening?”

            Hinata ignored him and buried his head in his hands. “Aw man, I’m going to die here! And it’s not even gonna be a cool death at all!”

            Ushijima had no idea what he was talking about. He narrowed his eyes and pried Hinata’s hands away from his face with as little force as possible. “You’re not going to die. This gymnasium has passed all safety inspections.”

            That did not seem to soothe him. “I can’t believe….survived cancer….just to die in—in the Ryujin Nippon lobby…gonna be sick,” Hinata moaned, clamping his hand over his mouth.

            As a captain, ‘I’m going to be sick’, _was_ something he understood. He shrugged off the gym bag slung over his shoulder and riffled through the front pocket, producing a small zip lock bag filled with circular slices of raw ginger. “I anticipated this. Here, eat one. It will settle your stomach.”

            Hinata hesitantly took the bag and dug out a slice. “Er…what’s this?”

            “Raw ginger. I grew it.” Instead of eating a piece, Hinata just stared at him apprehensively. “It’s not poisonous. Poisoning you would waste our hard work,” Ushijima prompted.

            That seemed to reassure him a little. He shoved a whole piece into his mouth and screwed up his face as the bitter taste registered. Regardless, he swallowed and clamped his hand over his mouth again. Ushijima nodded, took the bag out of his hand to put away, and observed him after a few seconds. “Did it—,”

            Hinata answered his question by jumping to his feet and bolting for the men’s room around the corner. Stunned, Ushijima didn’t move for a moment until a few seconds later he heard the sound of Hinata vomiting echoing down the hallway. He sprang to his feet and followed Hinata into the bathroom. “Hinata?” he called urgently.

            The sound of a toilet flushing came from the first stall, followed by the sound of desperate moaning. Then the stall door swung open. Hinata staggered out, walking right past Ushijima to the sinks, where he proceeded to repeatedly wash his mouth out. For a moment Ushijima just watched stiffly as he tried to figure out how he was supposed to respond. After watching Hinata try to rinse his mouth out for a fourth time, Ushijima stepped forward, shut the water off, and commanded his attention by pulling him away from the sink by his shoulders. “Hinata. Why are you behaving like this?”

            Hinata blinked rapidly. “Nervous. Dying. Bathrooms are always bad?” he squeaked.

            Oh. Hinata had pre-game anxiety. Given Hinata’s confidence in his abilities when they practiced together, Ushijima assumed he’d be just as confident on a real court…his brow furrowed. How did he calm Hinata down when he’d never witnessed Hinata’s anxiety level so high? He thought for another moment before making sure he had Hinata’s attention. “Hinata. Being nervous will not help you here. Only flawless technique and raw talent will earn you a spot on Ryujin Nippon. You have both of those things, otherwise I would not have brought you here. Stop being nervous and perform to the best of your abilities.”

Hinata continued to stare at him silently with blank eyes, so Ushijima thought for another second. Everyone on Ryujin Nippon was a professional and therefore didn’t need to be talked out panicking before a game, but he must have heard a ‘pep talk’ at some point…oh. What would Coach Washijo say?

            Ushijima cleared his throat. “Hinata Shouyo. Do not just preform to the best of your abilities. Preform exceptionally. Do not disappoint me.”

            That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. Hinata stared at him with wide eyes for a second before stumbling backwards into a wall, and then sliding down said wall. He hugged his now shaking legs as he mumbled something that sounded a lot like “Ican’tdisappointbutalsocan’tfeellegsorarmsorface…,”

            Ushijima pressed his eyes closed. Things were not going well and Ushijima, much to his dismay, seemed to be making things worse. He wished Hinata could just instruct him on how he needed to be comforted step by step, but of course, that was unlikely. Another, unreasonable part of himself was dismayed that he couldn’t figure it out on his own. He wondered if Hinata would know how to comfort him if their situations were reversed.

            “Nnggh…can’t disappoint…also can’t move…would there be helpful magic anywhere? Gotta fill the whole stadium with luck…the whole thing…heeey, are there shrines around here? Can you carry me to a shrine, Ushijima?” Hinata muttered from his spot on the floor.

            Ushijima’s eyes snapped open. Luck. Hinata believed in luck. He had an idea instantly. Once again, he knelt down on the floor in front of Hinata and met his eyes. “We don’t have time for me to take you to a shrine.” He checked his watch. “We also have limited time for more panicking. There is something small we do have time for.”

            Hinata’s nervous face flickered with curiosity; he tilted his head at Ushijima. To answer his silent question, Ushijima slowly reached for both of Hinata’s hands. “Can I?”

            He realized he hadn’t specified what he intended to do, but Hinata gave him permission anyways, with a cautious and bewildered head nod. Ushijima acknowledged it with a head nod of his own and then took a deep breath.

            When he first started volleyball as a child, his mother had done something similar to calm his nervousness before games. He knew it was different in this context. It was different because he had feelings for Hinata, and because he added to it, and because Hinata wasn’t a child. He might easily dismiss Ushijima’s offering of ‘luck’ as absurd, but still, he had to try. _Or maybe_ , Ushijima thought, noting his sweating palms and racing heart, _I just want to._    

            Ushijima breathed in as he slowly leaned forward. He let his eyes fall closed as tilted his face. Finally, his lips brushed against Hinata’s right cheek. _Soft. Feverishly warm. He smells like sunscreen._ Hinata froze at the contact, but he didn’t flinch or move away. Ushijima exhaled. He moved quickly to kiss Hinata’s left cheek, and then pulled back to meet Hinata’s eyes. His eyes were wide and his whole face was bright red, but the expression on his face was unreadable. He was compelled to ask him what he was feeling but instead, he made himself continue with their ‘good luck ritual’.

            “So that your mind is present,” he explained to Hinata. He didn't wait for Hinata’s reaction. Instead, he lifted Hinata’s right hand up to his lips and kissed it, as lightly as he could. Without letting go, Ushijima lowered Hinata’s right hand and raised his left, quickly pressing a kiss onto that hand too. For a split second afterwards, he struggled to lower Hinata’s hand. He wanted to keep going. He wanted to kiss more; he wanted... _No. Focus,_ he told himself.

 

          He lowered Hinata’s hands and squeezed them slightly before meeting Hinata’s gaze. His eyes were the widest Ushijima had ever seen them and he sat so perfectly still that Ushijima wasn't sure he was even breathing.

 

          “So your hands have capability,” Ushijima said quietly, remembering that the ritual wasn't completed.

 

           “Nnngh?” Hinata choked out.

 

          “You now possess good luck in your hands and your mind. You are capable now.”

 

          Hinata looked at him. Then down at his hands. Then back at him again. “O—oh! Good luck! That’s what—that’s why you—uhm! Sorry! I forgot! Thank you for the good luck!”

 

          “You’re welcome. Do you feel capable now?”

 

          Hinata looked down at his hands again, balling them up and flexing them twice. “Ye—yeah! I—I still feel kinda dizzy but! Doesn't matter! Can’t let your good luck go to waste! Thanks, Ushijima!”

 

          “You already said th—,” Ushijima said, but he was cut off by Hinata lunging forward and wrapping his arms around him.

 

          Ushijima paused, his arms awkwardly held out at his sides. Hinata squeezed him tightly and screwed his eyes shut; it seemed like he didn't intend to let go anytime soon. Or ever. Accepting that, Ushijima untensed and wrapped his arms around Hinata too, resting his chin on top of Hinata’s head. From there, Ushijima’s mind went blank. His body moved on its own, with his hand slipping into Hinata’s hair to keep his head pressed against Ushijima and his breathing becoming in sync with Hinata’s. And then suddenly, when Hinata started to pull away, Ushijima’s mind stopped being blank.

 

_I love him._

 

           Hinata, oblivious, shyly scooted away from him. He scrambled up onto wobbly legs and then quickly extended a hand to Ushijima. “We should get going, right?”

 

          Ushijima looked up at his grinning face. He kept waiting for the moment when things would start to make sense again, but it never came. Nothing made sense anymore. He was in love with Hinata.

 

           “You couldn't lift me up by yourself. I would harm you.” Ushijima said, slowly getting up. He stretched his back out.

 

           Hinata squawked. “H—hey! You know what—I’m about to show you how strong I really am!”

 

 _I love him,_ he thought. “Yeah. Do your best.”

 

          “Shuddap! Let’s go, right now!” Hinata declared, and with that he grabbed Ushijima’s hand and dragged him out of the men’s bathroom.

 

                ♥ ♥ ♥

            Time rarely moved slowly when he was with Hinata, but it did that day. He wasn't allowed to watch Hinata’s try out, so instead he sat right outside the volleyball courtroom and waited. 60 minutes dragged by as slowly as possible while Ushijima sat alone with his thoughts. He loved Hinata. Despite knowing nothing about love, he knew loved Hinata. While he waited, he had to repeatedly unlock his jaw. _It doesn't matter,_ he assured himself. Whether he loved Hinata or not, his plan was still the same.

 

           Hinata came out of the courtroom slowly, showing no expression on his pale face. Ushijima jumped to his feet and waited for Hinata to tell him what happened. Instead he said nothing, with blank eyes glued to the floor. Ushijima immediately felt a tightness in his chest.

 

           “Hinata. What happened?”

 

           Hinata, not looking at him, didn't answer. Ushijima tapped him on the shoulder and repeated himself.

 

          “I...I got...they...they said yes,” Hinata mumbled.

 

          “You got in?” he echoed.

 

            Hinata blinked rapidly before giving him a swift nod.

 

           “Hinata, that’s—,”

 

           “Gyaaaahhh,” Hinata wailed suddenly, bursting into tears. He stumbled forward and clutched Ushijima’s shirt, burying his face in Ushijima chest. For reasons beyond Ushijima, he was bawling hard; his voice coming out in strained gasps as he tried to choke out some kind of apology. Ushijima was motionless for a moment as he tried to figure out what was going on, but Hinata didn't seem to notice. Eventually, he gently wrapped his arms around Hinata’s shaking shoulders and hoped it was soothing.

 

          As he waited for Hinata to calm down, he wondered if it was normal for Hinata to sob so intensely when he achieved his goals. He hoped not, because he hated it. After a few minutes Hinata calmed down considerably and pulled away from Ushijima.

 

          “S—sorry about that. I just, I’ve been waiting for so long, and—and I kept getting sick—and I’ve wanted this forever,” he hiccuped, wiping his face. “Sorry ‘bout getting your shirt wet. Ugggh. This is ‘barrassing,” he mumbled.

 

         “Don’t apologize. You’re overwhelmed. This is normal,” he said, though he wasn't entirely sure.

 

          Hinata gave him a shaky smile. “T—thanks! Anyways...they said we have an hour before practice starts...so maybe I thought you could give me a tour? Oh, but first I haveta text everyone I know about this…,” he said, sniffling.

 

          They didn't usually have practices on Sunday, but they did that day because they had new recruits to train.

 

          “Okay.”

 

          And then Hinata flashed him a smile that made him understand what he meant about wanting and waiting for something for a long time.

 

          Three hours later Ushijima, Hinata, and the rest of their team were getting ready to leave practice in the locker room. Most of the team wasn't actually preparing to leave though; instead, they were gathered around Hinata after having witnessed two hours of lightning fast spikes made by an energetic deaf spiker. Hinata seemed to soak in all the positive attention eagerly, smiling, nodding, and trying his best to keep up with everyone’s rapid fire questions. On the other hand, Ushijima watched the crowd hover around Hinata from a distance as he quietly changed out of his uniform. He wanted to be happy for Hinata. He knew it was the appropriate emotion to feel. Still, all he could do was hope that the uneasy heavy feeling that had settled into his skin wasn't showing on his face. He didn't like sudden change to begin with, but something about this new situation bothered Ushijima more than it should have. As he finished up changing, he continued to search his mind for a reason.

 

       Once done, Ushijima stepped forward towards the crowd to try to get Hinata’s attention, but at that moment Coach Keito entered the locker room. A few people, Ushijima included, turned towards the source of the noise. Coach Keito made eye contact with Ushijima and motioned him over.

 

        “Hey, Waka, come chat with me for a second,” Coach chimed when Ushijima approached him.

 

        Ushijima glanced back at Hinata, who was still enamored with all the attention. He had an unreasonable yet strong desire not to leave him by himself. Still, he looked back at Coach. “Okay.”

 

        So they went back out into the courtroom and ‘had a chat’. Their chat pertained to Ushijima’s duties as a captain: things like what he thought of the new recruits (Hinata included) and what drills he recommended they work on. Ushijima did his best to stay present in the conversation, but he felt an imaginary clock _tick, tick, ticking_ away in the back of his mind. Was Hinata still back there, talking with their teammates? Or was he done yet and waiting for Ushijima to be done was well? When Coach Keito was finally done talking, Ushijima felt the pressing urge to run back to Hinata, grab him by the hand, and take them out if there. Gritting his teeth, he swiftly walked back to the locker room instead.

 

        Turning the corner, he saw that Hinata’s crowd had mostly vanished. Besides Hinata, the only other person in the room was his roommate, Tendou, who spoke to Hinata with his back towards Ushijima. His heart skipped a beat. He only caught the tail end of what Tendou was saying, but those 16 words were the only ones that mattered.

 

        “—but don't be toooo hard on him, little monster. It’s hard to have a soulmate that’s d—,” he stopped suddenly, realizing what he’d just said.

 

        It was too late. All three of them froze in place, and Ushijima’s throat immediately dried out. That heavy feeling he’d been feeling since Hinata made the team solidified instantly and its weight seemed to be on the verge of crushing him to death. The phrase “to be blind sighted” made complete sense to him now. He hadn't seen this coming and it hit him like a semi-truck.

 

        Hinata broke the silence first. “What? Whatdidyoujustsay? Did I see that right?”

 

        Tendou said nothing, as he had realized Ushijima’s presence just then. His petrified eyes flashed over to him and Hinata whirred around to face Ushijima.

 

        “Ushijima? Did you—did you tell Tendou-san I was your soulmate? Huh?”

 

        The look on Hinata’s face told Ushijima that he needed to lie and lie well. His expression was one confusion that verged on becoming anger, and it put an aching tightness in Ushijima’s chest. As second after uncomfortable second ticked by, Ushijima searched his mind for a lie that was feasible enough to repair their relationship. His mind was clouded though, by the anger threatening to spill over written all over Hinata’s face and by his own constant desire to tell Hinata the truth. It wasn't just that Ushijima was a poor liar. It was also that he had no desire to lie. Especially not to Hinata.

 

        He grunted in defeat. “I did. There’s an explanation.”

 

        Hinata looked at him like he’d been slapped in the face. “You...what the…,” he slowly turned back to Tendou. “I...wanna talk to Ushijima by myself please.”

 

        Tendou, with his wide, expressive eyes trained on Ushijima, seemed to be saying both _IT WAS AN ACCIDENT_ and _I’M SORRY_. He said nothing out loud though. Instead, he threw his gym bag over his shoulder and fled the room.

 

        Hinata turned back towards him, his face displaying only fury. “What the hell? Why would you tell Tendou-san that?”

 

        Ushijima watched sadly as Hinata’s face heated up. “Because it’s true.”

 

        That seemed to throw him off guard. “It’s—you think—this is about that stupid soulmate thing _again_? That’s why you’ve been so nice to me?” Here his voice broke with hurt and Ushijima cringed. “You did all that because you think—you’re crazy and you think I’m your soulmate? Is that it?”

 

        Ushijima sucked in a breath. His ‘team captain’ wheels were spinning as he thought of ways to diffuse the situation. Nothing he came up with was helpful though, because Hinata not believing in soulmates meant that he wasn't going to believe Ushijima. He decided that the only way out of this was to convince Hinata that the RK soulmate theory was a real process. “Yes. It isn't mental delusion though. I also was resistant to the idea of soulmates. Then I heard your voice and—,”

 

        Hinata’s eyes went wide and he bawled his hands into fists. “That’s what this is about? My stupid voice again? Why does everyone caresodamnmuch! That's just my voice! It’s just what I sound like! It doesn't mean I’m slow! Or weird! And it doesn't mean I’m your stupid! Freaking! Soulmate!” Hinata yelled. By the end of it, he was on his tip toes and he was red in the face, with his eyes squeezed shut.

 

        Ushijima flinched. He ran his hand through his hair and he pressed his eyes shut for a second, trying to force himself to breathe properly. Nothing he was saying was helping. How did he explain it properly? How did he explain that he never wanted someone like Hinata in his life, but now that he had him, he needed him? He needed him like he needed water, and oxygen, and volleyball.

 

        No. It wasn't reasonable, or even physically possible, but he needed Hinata more than those things.

 

        He inhaled and exhaled again and opened his eyes. Hinata was staring back at him, but to Ushijima’s dismay all of Hinata’s rage had melted away and hurt had taken its place. “Hinata, please,” he tried. _Please listen to me_ , was what he was trying to say, but his completely dry throat ached so much he couldn't get all the words out.

 

        Hinata dropped his gaze. Big, fat tears gathered at the edges of his eyes and rolled down his flushed cheeks when he blinked. He brought a slightly trembling hand up to his face to wipe them away. “I really thought—I thought you liked me ‘cause you just liked me. I thought that maybe...but it wasn’t like that. You tricked me! You don't like me at all, you were just using me for some weird thing you made up all by yourself. You’re...just the same as everyone else,” he choked out.

 

        Panic was coursing through Ushijima. If he didn't set things straight, Hinata was going to hate him. He grabbed Hinata’s wrist, just to get his attention, but Hinata gasped and tore himself out of Ushijima’s grasp.

 

        “No! No don't touch me! And! And...starting today...don't talk to me anymore. Not unless you super have to,” Hinata demanded with angry, defiant eyes.

 

        “What?” Ushijima said. The hollow sound seemed to echo throughout the room.

 

        “I said not to talk to me anymore! I don't want you to! Only talk to me at practice, and only if you _have_ to!”

 

        Ushijima’s blood went cold. He froze in his spot, as Hinata’s words washed over him. Even after a few seconds, he still couldn't process them. What was happening? Why was this happening? He opened his mouth, expecting every feeling he’d had for Hinata since the day they met to come tumbling out...but nothing came. It wasn't that the words were stuck in his throat. It was that his blank mind was providing him with nothing to say.

 

        Hinata didn't wait for a response. He turned away from Ushijima and yanked his new team uniform out of the ajar locker next to his head. Clutching his clothes into a tight ball to his chest and slamming the locker shut, Hinata breezed right past him and walked out of his life.


	10. Love Will Teach You Something New

          It was exactly two weeks after Ushijima’s talk with Hinata and Ushijima had done exactly what Hinata had told him to: he hadn’t spoken to Hinata unless he had to. In the process of treating Hinata like any other teammate, Ushijima discovered how little he really talked to his teammates. Though he commanded them consistently throughout practice, the amount of times he spoke to his teammates face to face in a friendly manner, using eye contact and maybe a few bright smiles…seemed to be almost never. While this made it easier to honor Hinata’s wishes, the dull throbbing pain Ushijima carried around with him intensified with every practice they had together. That morning’s practice was especially hard. Hinata had made many excellent plays throughout their practice match, and Ushijima had to watch multiple times as the rest of the team praised him and patted him on the back while he abstained.

            This is what he was thinking about late in the evening as he sat at the kitchen table with an open book he wasn’t reading next to him.  

            “Have I mentioned how incredibly sorry I am and how completely accidental everything I said was, yet?” Tendou said guiltily, as he walked into the kitchen and pulled up a chair at the table.

            Ushijima didn’t look up from the rounded table edge he was intently staring at. “Yes. Multiple times. It’s redundant.”

            Tendou tapped his fingers on the table; a nervous habit of his. “It just. It slipped out. You’re always so soft and mushy when you talk about him, and then I met him, and he was the same, so I just! I forgot, okay? I forgot you two weren’t already together and I slipped up and I’m sorry. I’m—oi, are you even listening?”

            Ushijima only grunted in response. Tendou sighed. “Jeez, I’m really trying here, y’know?” This time Ushijima said nothing. Tendou sighed again. “So. How do you plan on fixing this?”

            That got Ushijima’s attention. He looked up. “I’m…not. There’s no ‘fixing’ this. I’m going to respect Hinata’s wishes.”

            “What? Are you serious? You’re—you’re just giving up? What the fuck?”

            Ushijima gritted his teeth. “What else am I supposed to do? He doesn’t want to talk to me. I’m not ‘giving up’. I’m giving Hinata what he asked for. If he doesn’t want to be around me, then I refuse to force him.”

            Tendou’s mouth fell open, and he threw his palms on the table. “He doesn’t—it’s not like he hates you! He’s just got to cool off a little! Yeah, he’s mad at you right now, but he’ll get over it! But not if you don’t do something!”

            Ushijima stared at him. He really wanted to believe him, even just for the millisecond of relief he’d get from the pain he’s been living with since that day, but Ushijima knew better. He shook his head. “You don’t know that. He wasn’t just mad. He was hurt. I betrayed him. He does hate me now.”

            Tendou also firmly shook his head. “No way in hell. I spoke to that kid, and Ushijima, he fuckin’ loves you. He might not want to say it, or maybe he’s just too dumb to realize it, but it might as well have been written in Sharpie all over his face. So yeah…maybe he’s really mad at you right now. But he’s going to forgive you, as long as you give him a reason to.”

            Every part of him ached. It was so tempting to believe Tendou. Maybe he really had seen something Ushijima hadn’t. Maybe he really did know something Ushijima didn’t. He caved just a little. “How am I supposed to fix it? What do I do to make him forgive me?”

            Tendou sighed a sigh of relief at Ushijima’s cooperation and then thought for a second. “What you do to fix it depends on what it is he’s mad at you for.”

            “He’s mad at me for lying to him.”

            “Nope. If that were the case, you could just say ‘Sorry for lying! I won’t do it again!’ And all would be forgiven. But do you think you can do that?” Ushijima shook his head. “Right. So guess again.”

            Ushijima’s brow furrowed. “He’s mad at me for thinking I’m his soulmate?”

            “Nope, wrong, again!” Tendou chirped. “If some rando came up to you insisting you were their soulmate and you didn’t have the RK soulmate theory proof to back them up, would you be mad at them? No, probably not. You might think they’re crazy, but it’s more likely you’d pity them. You’re getting closer though.”

            Ushijima was getting sick of the game they were playing. He knew what the goal was: figure out specifically why Hinata was mad at him so they could resolve that issue specifically and not have the issue again. Still, he felt like he would never get it. He couldn’t understand Hinata’s anger at all. Yes, the pretenses they met under at first were false, but everything Ushijima had done since then was—suddenly Ushijima found it hard to breathe.

            “Oh. He doesn’t believe me. It’s not related to whether we’re soulmates or not. Because I lied to him at the start of our relationship, he thinks everything after that was a lie was well. That’s why he believes I don’t sincerely like him. That’s why he thinks I’m…just like everyone else,” Ushijima said gruffly, mostly to himself.

            Tendou nodded and tapped his nose twice. “There it is. He’s not mad at you for lying, or for being his soulmate. He’s mad at you because he likes you, and he trusted that you liked him back. Now he doesn’t believe you anymore.”

            Ushijima swallowed. “Okay. How do I fix it? Even if I tell him how I feel, it’s likely he’ll just think I’m saying it because of the soul mate theory.”

            “Hmmm.” Tendou said, propping an elbow up and resting his head in his palm. They were both quiet for a few minutes, trying to come up with a solution. After a few minutes, Tendou sighed. “Honestly, since you’re the one in love with this guy, I think the only one that can answer that is you. But I will say this: I think whatever you do, you have to show him that ‘the volleyball is in his court now’,” Tendou said, punctuating that last part with air quotes.

            “What?”

            “Seems to me that the main reason he’s pissed at you is because he feels like he’s been ‘playing by your rules’. This whole time you’ve know what’s happening and why while he’s been in the dark. You’ve held all the cards while his hand has been empty. Basically, from his point of view, you’ve been the one to decide what would or wouldn’t happen next while he could only go along with whatever you were planning. At first, he was happy to, because he trusted you, but now he doesn’t. Sooo, until he trusts you again, you have to show him that he gets to decide what happens next, and you’re willing to do this on his terms. Whatever he wants, however he’s comfortable, that’s what you’re down for. Or something like that,” Tendou said, finishing with a shrug.

            Tendou’s words milled around in Ushijima’s head. _Willing to do this on **his terms**. Whatever **he wants**. However **he’s comfortable**. _ Suddenly Ushijima jumped to his feet. Usagi, startled at the sudden sound of the wood chair scrapping against the floor, started barking from the other room.

            Tendou grinned, regaining the sly energy he’d lost to guilt. “Oh? Figured it out?”

            Ushijima wasn’t confidant in anything that was just said or anything that he planned to do, but his pulse raced at the idea of getting a second chance.

            “Maybe,” he grunted, as he walked out of the room and went to go get his laptop. Maybe, just maybe, he could see Hinata smile at him once again.

♥ ♥ ♥

          While Ushijima waited for Akaashi sensei to return with his change, he held his arms out in front of him, stretching his hands in the way that his coach had taught him. He kept his gaze focused on the kitchen table as he did this and focused on counting; despite it being Akaashi sensei's choice to run his business out of this home, Ushijima still felt that looking around was an invasion of his privacy. Akaashi sensei walked back into the kitchen when Ushijima got to second 38. He slid into the chair across from Ushijima and handed him a few bills.

            “Your change is 554 yen,” he said.

            Ushijima counted the money quickly before nodding and slipping it into his wallet. “Thank you.”

            “So,” Akaashi said, flipping open the green event planner that always sat on the table, “do you want to schedule your next lesson?”

            “I won't need more lessons after today,” Ushijima said.

            His normally bored looking eyes widened for just a second. “I see. You decided to tell him then?”

            Ushijima nodded. “I can’t to wait anymore. I don't predict I'll be accepted though, so I won't be needing lessons anymore.”

            Akaashi gave him a sympathetic look. “Ushijima-kun, it may not be my place to say this but...I think you should be careful that your tendency to think realistically doesn't become an unnecessarily negative worldview. You have no idea how Hinata-kun will respond to an honest, genuine confession. It's entirely possible that you won't need to take lessons anymore because he can teach you this instead.”

            Ushijima tensed, and regretted not giving Akaashi a vaguer answer about his intentions when they began their lessons.

            He stood up suddenly. “Thank you. I will keep your advice in mind. Goodbye, sensei,” Ushijima said, with a stiff parting bow.

            “Ushijima-kun, wait.”

            “Yes?”

            “This might sound like a strange request but—if things go well with Hinata-kun, you should bring him back here. My partner Bokuto really wants to meet you both.”

            Ushijima blinked. “What? How does he know of us?”

            “I told him a little about you and Hinata-kun, because...we have somewhat of a similar situation.”

            “I doubt that.”

            Akaashi sensei's serious expression was replaced by a small smile Ushijima had never seen before and he seemed to forget about Ushijima for a split second. “Bokuto is my other. I didn’t know, or believe him at first, because he has Aphonia, which means that he's mute. Although, for a guy that can't talk, he never manages to shut up,” he added, his smile widening.  “Anyways. We've never met another pair like ourselves, so Bokuto is anxious to meet you. Especially when I mentioned that you both play for Ryujin Nippon, as Bokuto is an assistant teacher at a youth volleyball training school. If things go well between you two, consider it, okay?”

            “I will,” Ushijima said, blushing slightly as he thought about how excited Hinata got around anyone interested in volleyball. He turned to leave again.

            “Ushijima-kun, one more thing.”

            Ushijima looked back at Akaashi with one hand placed on the kitchen's door frame. “Yes?”

            Akaashi ran a hand through his messy black hair and gave Ushijima a sly, knowing smile. “Good luck.”

            Ushijima gave him a grateful nod and then left. As he descended the steps to Akaashi's home and crossed the street, the calm composure he'd constructed for himself earlier that morning was beginning to falter. His own apartment wasn't that far from Akaashi sensei's house; it would be a short walk home. From there, he would contact Hinata and ask to speak to him; he’d either say yes or no.  

            Ushijima wasn't the kind to feel fear frequently, and especially not the kind to feel paralyzing fear, but for a brief second, he came to a halt in the middle of the street. He had decided a month ago that everything would come to an end the next day. Ushijima was to put his best effort into being considerate towards Hinata, he was to express his feelings for Hinata as clearly and honestly as possible, and when he most likely lost Hinata, he was to respect his wishes and let Hinata go. Ushijima's next actions were already clearly lay out in front of him, and yet, for the first time, it felt impossible to move forward. Not only was everything about to change, but it wasn't an inevitable change. It was change brought about by Ushijima's own doing; it was his own actions that would determine the outcome. Before meeting Hinata, Ushijima had never feared this type of change because he'd always been 100% confident in his own abilities.  But suddenly, what Ushijima was or wasn't not capable of didn't matter at all. What mattered was Hinata's feelings. Knowing this and knowing that he had so little control with so much a stake…Ushijima couldn’t think of a time when he’d felt worse. His throat and chest constantly felt tight and his lungs felt inadequate. Both of his legs felt as heavy as steel yet at the same time, they felt too weak to hold up his weight. It was as if every part of his body was malfunctioning in protest.

            Even so, Ushijima carried himself forward. It wasn't long before he was staring up at his and Tendou's apartment complex, still in a partial daze. His time was almost up.


	11. Love Isn't Always Gentle, But It Makes You Gentle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first day of my life  
> I swear I was born right in the doorway,
> 
> I went out in the rain; suddenly, everything changed.
> 
> They’re spreading blankets on the beach,
> 
> Yours is the first face that I saw,
> 
> I think I was blind before I met you,
> 
> Now I don’t know where I am,
> 
> I don’t know where I’ve been,
> 
> But I know where I want to go.

          It was 8:23 in the morning and Ushijima sat in his car, in the parking lot of Murasaki Rozu park. He checked his phone again for the thousandth time, to make sure Hinata hadn’t suddenly decided to back out of their plans. His phone screen still read the same as it had five minutes earlier:

**To Hinata:**

_I have some things I want to say. If after I say them you still don’t wish to speak to me anymore, I will honor that wish permanently.  Please meet me at the place we met in MR park tomorrow at 9 am._

**From Hinata:**

_okay_

          Ushijima clicked his phone off. He was relieved Hinata hadn’t backed out of meeting him, but each time he reviewed their last messages, he was always unnerved by Hinata’s ‘okay’. No exclamation marks, no emojis. Just ‘okay’. He unclenched his teeth and reminded himself that the important part was that Hinata was willing to meet him at all. With that in mind, he practiced what he was going to say. And then he practiced again. And again. Finally, when his hands started to cramp, and his skin became unbearably itchy, he decided he couldn’t stay in the car any longer. His watch told him it was 8:34.

           He walked slowly towards the black iron bench at the edge of the park that marked where Ushijima first met Hinata. It was a rule in volleyball that you never showed up so early to a competition that you gave yourself time to get psyched out, and yet, Ushijima was having a hard time not sprinting towards their meeting place. He was already psyched out anyways. Still, he arrived at their bench slowly and (hopefully) casually, not surprised to see that it was empty. Baking in the October heat, the metal bench was already hot to the touch. It was a nice distraction from Ushijima’s thoughts as he sat and waited for Hinata. He looked around. The small patch of dandelions that Ushijima had used to make a ring for Hinata had survived the summer well; their range was so vast that every inch of land that was covered in green was also dotted with yellow. It made Ushijima think about how long it had been since he’s met Hinata, and how much things had changed since then.

           The sound of approaching footsteps pulled Ushijima out of his thoughts. He turned to see Hinata, who looked like he wasn’t expecting to see him there either. Ushijima’s heart jumped when he saw Hinata, as his eyes dilated to take all of him in. His hair was wet from a recent shower, which stained it a rich dark orange and made certain strands of hair cling to his skin while other stuck straight up. Hinata’s eyes seemed to glow in the early morning sun and they were framed by long, wet eyelashes. Beyond that, he was dressed in brown and cream-colored tee shirt that complimented both his eyes and his skin tone as well as heavy, dark blue jeans and sturdy tennis shoes. Everything about him looked radiant, except for the expression he wore. If Ushijima had to describe it in a word, that word would be ‘guarded’.

          Ushijima stood up. “You came. Thank you.”

          Hinata frowned and slid his phone out his back pocket to check the time. “You’re uhm. Super, super early.”

           “Yes. I didn’t want to miss my opportunity,” Ushijima said. It felt like he was talking with his heart physically crammed into his throat.

           Hinata blushed slightly. “Hhknm. Okay.”

           Ushijima interrupted that as ‘start taking now’. He stiffened. He knew he only had the one chance and there was nothing else he could do at this point. Everything he planned to say was already written out and memorized; even if he wanted to say something different, he only knew the sign language for what he planned to say. There was nothing else to do but start from the beginning. And yet, something strong pinned his arms to his sides. He couldn’t lose Hinata. It wasn’t an option. If he did nothing, or if he did everything right and it still wasn’t enough, he would have to keep his word and let Hinata go. That’s where his mind hit a wall every time. Let Hinata go? How could he let Hinata go? Every muscle in his body tightened and his palms started to sweat. _Move. Move your hands. You need to move your hands now,_ his mind was urging him, but his body wasn’t complying.

          “Ushijima?” Hinata prompted softly.

           Ushijima met Hinata’s wide, confused eyes and what ever was holding him back broke and crumbled away. His heart was still racing. His palms were still sweating. He was still paralyzed with fear, but when he looked at Hinata, he found the courage he needed to say what he needed to. Ushijima decided to say what he had planned to, not because it was his only chance at getting Hinata to stay, but because he wanted to tell Hinata those things.

          He lifted his hands, slowly inhaled, and then started to sign. “ _Hi-na-ta Sho-u-yo-u,_ ” he said, signing out each individual character. Hinata’s eyes went wide and he clamped his hand over his mouth. “ _I never wanted a soulmate. When I met you, and felt that you were my soulmate, I was initially resistant. I went along with it, although I was unhappy, because it felt like another thing I supposed to do whether or not I wanted to. Then I began to know you. I saw someone outgoing, dedicated, gentle, fun, energetic, and attractive. You are nothing like I thought you would be. You are the best person I know. I want to be around you often. None of this is because you are my soulmate. It is because I love you. I am sorry I did not make this clear sooner,”_ he said.

          Not breaking eye contact, Ushijima dropped his hands awkwardly and wiped them on his shorts as he waited for Hinata to react. Hinata, wide-eyed, was still for a record amount of time. When he finally did move it was to slowly drop his hand from his mouth. His gaze fell to the ground. _Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me,_ Ushijima thought, his mental pleading seeming to sync up with his pounding heartbeat. Hinata finally met his eyes.

           “Did you always know how to sign?” he asked quietly.

            Ushijima was confused at the question unrelated to what he just said but relieved that there was no malice in his voice. “No. I learned the basics over the past month.”

            Hinata’s mouth popped open. “Why…why would you…?”

            Ushijima shrugged. “I love you. I want you to be the most comfortable around me. I…should have started learning much sooner.”

          It was unintentional but that seemed to throw Hinata over the edge. Hinata made a noise that sound like a cross between a high-pitched squeak and a low moan. He rushed forward and grabbed Ushijima’s hands. It startled Ushijima, but after a second, he was more concerned with the fact that Hinata’s eyes looked watery.

         “Ushijima! Ushijima!” Hinata yelled, bouncing on his feet. “I—I feel the same! You’re—you’re so nice to me even though I thought you wouldn’t be and I love how you take everything I say so seriously and how you’re so dedicated to volleyball and how nice you were to Natsu and! And! I love how you tease me like a I’m a normal person even though we’re both weird and I love that too, and I love how you always have dirt under your nails and tea in your pocket and—and—and I just! I really love you! I love you too. This last month has been really hard.  Let’s not do this again,” he said, his voice cracking when he got to the end of his confession.

          Ushijima was distracted by the bubbly, weightless feeling filling his chest, as well as the restless energy that urged him to move forward and kiss Hinata. He felt so pleasantly warm it almost made him lightheaded; it took him a second to realize Hinata was waiting for a response from him. He nodded. “Yes. I also don’t want to be unable to talk to you again.”

          Hinata nodded as well, with determination in his eyes. Then, unsure of what to do next, they both just stood there for a minute holding hands. It seemed like they were having the same thought: _so…we can just be happy together? Romantically?_ Hinata reluctantly withdrew his hands. “So…er…,”

          “Hinata. There’s a sign I want to know. Can you teach it to me?” Ushijima said, suddenly knowing what he wanted to do next.

 

          “Oh! Sure!”

 

          Ushijima took another deep breath. He lifted his hands and started to sign. _PLEASE_ _K-I-S-S M-E._

 

          Hinata was so absorbed watching Ushijima spell out the sign that he didn't think before he responded with the signs for _please kiss me._ He froze as soon as he realized what he’d signed and blushed bright red.

.

          “Well. If you want me to,” Ushijima said promptly. He waited, feeling uneasy, for Hinata to either protest or agree with him. Hinata did neither. Instead, he squeaked, bawled up his fists, and squeezed his eyes shut. Ushijima blinked. Was this his way of shutting down or was he waiting for Ushijima to kiss him? Stepping forward, he tentatively placed his hands on either side of Hinata’s face. His warm skin felt electric under Ushijima’s palms.

 

          “Please say so if you don't want this,” Ushijima pressed.

          Hinata shook his head slightly, with his eyes still screwed shut and his mouth pressed into a hard line.

 

          “Then please be less tense,” Ushijima instructed.

 

          Hinata tried his best to comply; softening his face slightly. Ushijima’s body felt light as he bent down and slowly closed the distance between them. His heart pounded harder than it ever had before in Hinata’s presence, but still, he didn't hesitate at all. It was like there was an invisible force was drawing his face closer to Hinata’s and he had no desire to fight it. He tilted his face slightly and finally closed the last of the distance between their mouths.

 

          It wasn't like Ushijima expected it to be. Hinata’s lips were softer than anything Ushijima had ever felt and so pleasantly _warm._ His mouth felt tingly and he was filled with an energy that seemed to spark and pop. Ushijima’s left hand fell from Hinata’s face and he wove his hand through Hinata’s hair. Breathing in deeply, Hinata slightly parted his lips and nervously clutched Ushijima’s shirt. A low moan seemed to escape Ushijima’s throat as he was overcome with the urge to kiss Hinata deeper. His other hand fell and gripped Hinata’s waist while the hand in Hinata’s hair twisted into a fist grabbing a handful of Hinata’s bright orange locks.

 

          Ushijima was unsure of how much farther he would have gone if it wasn't for the small squeal of surprise Hinata made when Ushijima grabbed his hair. Although his body was reluctant, he came back to his senses immediately. _Be gentle. Go in order,_ he reminded himself. He dropped his hands immediately and took a step back, their lips making a slight _pwah_ sound when they parted. Hinata fell back off his tip-toes and rocked back slightly, immediately burying his face in his hands. They both seemed to take a moment to re-steady their breathing, especially Ushijima, who finallt felt like he was breathing correctly for the first time in a while. Beyond that, his body felt oddly weak and off balance, but even stranger was the fact that it felt pleasant.

 

          He wondered if Hinata felt pleasant too, but he wasn't sure because his face was still buried in his hands. Concerned, Ushijima placed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. Hinata jolted and looked up.

 

          “Are you okay?” Ushijima asked.

 

           “Yes!” Hinata almost yelled, with a bright red face.

 

          “Okay,” he said. Thinking for a second, he added, “Thank you for letting me kiss you.”

 

           Hinata looked mortified. “You don't have to say thank you!” He was definitely yelling that time.

 

           “Okay.”

 

          Hinata’s gaze quickly fell to the ground and he shoved his hands in his pockets. He flashed Ushijima a nervous glance. “Gyyyahnn...can we do s-somthing else now?”

 

          “Sure. What do you want to do?”

 

           Ushijima hoped it wasn't something that involved a lot of mental thought or physical activity. His head was still swimming from the kiss; his body felt like it was melting.

 

           “Uhmm…,” Hinata thought for a second and then started looking around. “Oh! I remember what I wanted to do now! C’mon!” he said, grabbing Ushijima’s hand and dragging him towards a grassy area shaded by trees.

 

          When he was satisfied this their location, he triumphantly dropped his hand and said, “Sit down!”

           

           Ushijima obediently sat down, and Hinata plopped down in front of him. Looking around, Ushijima wondered what Hinata had in mind. They were surrounded by bright yellow dandelions, some of which were so overgrown that they measured up to Ushijima’s chest, and all of which swayed gently in the sudden breeze. Once again Ushijima found himself picturing Hinata on the day they met.

 

           “Oi!” Hinata called, demanding his attention. “Okay, so, I looked up how to do this online yesterday, but I still might get it wrong since I’ve never done it before. Uhm, what you made for me the day we met, I mean.”

 

           Ushijima wasn't sure what he meant until he (with a little bit of a struggle) pulled two dandelions out of the ground. He yanked off the leaves and shortened the stems, then crawled forward a little bit. Next, he tied the stems together with surprising skill. “ ‘Kay! Which hand do people usually wear rings and stuff on? Gimme that one.”

 

          Ushijima was stunned. He felt his eyes sting and his face go slack. It occurred to him, in that moment, that he didn’t recognize himself at all. The emotions he had felt after meeting Hinata and the things that he had done had slowly transformed him into someone new, in the way that a running stream slowly transforms a rock. As much as he hated drastic change, the realization didn't disgust him. The changes, he quickly realized, were positive ones. He had been cold, and isolated before meeting Hinata, and now he felt warmth and he was connected to others. He had been closed off, and now he was open. _Maybe this is what love is. It isn't feeling, it’s a person, who likes you for yourself but causes you to change in positive ways anyways. Someone who makes you **want** to change for the better._ _Maybe love is something people choose to do,_ Ushijima thought to himself.

 

          “Ushijima?” Hinata asked, when he received no answer.

 

           Ushijima blinked, Hinata’s voice bring him back to the present. “Left hand,” he answered.

 

           “Uwwooh, that’s what I thought, but I wasn't sure!” he sang, holding out his hand for Ushijima’s.

          Ushijima gave it to him. Hinata hovered over his hand and slipped the tied together dandelion stems under Ushijima’s ring finger. As his slowly twisted them around, he said, “Y’know. I was reading on the internet ‘bout how to do this, and a bunch of people said in the comments that this could be a soulmate betrothal ring…,” Hinata stopped working and looked up at him. “Is that what you meant too when you did this for me?”

 

         Ushijima stiffened. “Yes.”

 

        Hinata puffed out his cheeks with air, a gesture that completely mystified Ushijima. At least he didn't seem mad. Hinata went back to twisting the ring. “Nngh...that’s not why I’m doing this, o-kay? I’m—I’m doing this ‘cause whether you’re my soulmate, or even secretly someone else's soulmate, or you’re just my weird volleyball boyfriend Ushijima—I don't care! You’re still stuck with me for your whole life! So, deal with it!” Hinata exclaimed triumphantly as he finished the ring.

 

       Ushijima’s face felt hot as he examined the soft yellow ring on his left ring finger. It looked perfect. Hinata’s passionate words echoed in his head and he just let the moment be for a second, gently thumbing over the ring and basking in the day’s early autumn warmth next to Hinata. It was a moment before he realized Hinata was waiting for a response.

 

      Ushijima looked up and met Hinata’s expectant, shiny eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but then realized he knew how to sign what he wanted to tell Hinata. So, careful not to harm his ring, Ushijima signed “ _I will look forward to it,”_ before leaning in for another kiss.

 


End file.
